Page 112 of The Protector
“Your application to go back to the Northlands has been rejected,” the woman said and looked down at her arm where her wristband projected my application.
My face fell and my heart skipped a beat.
“Why?” I muttered.
“There’s been no request from the Northlands for an archeologist at this point. We have no reason to send you.”
“No, but I didn’t finish the project they asked me to help them with,” I hurried to say.
“You didn’t?” She lifted her brows. “Hmm.”
“Ihaveto go back.” My jaw felt like rubber and my words were shaky.
“I’m afraid the council doesn’t agree, but you can re-apply in six months.”
“Six months?” I shrieked. “I have to go backnow.”
The old woman leaned away from me as if afraid that my frantic energy was contagious. “Go in peace, Christina Sanders, and may I suggest that you lower your voice.”
I fisted my hands and looked down. Disappointment and a deep sense of powerlessness filled me with despair.
My dreams of Boulders and my reunion would be only that – dreams.
“Wait!” I got up and ran after the old hag who had just destroyed my future happiness.
She turned and eyed me disapprovingly. “Your voice, Christina,” she said in a scolding tone.
“I’m sorry, but could I at least send a letter to someone in the Northlands?”
“You know that’s not possible,” the woman said stiffly, but with a fake smile.
“Itispossible,” I insisted. “Don’t forget that I’ve been there.” My alarm bells were ringing loudly. My hard tone of voice and my narrowed eyes would be considered hostile by the clergywoman.
“If I were you,” she said with that ugly fake smile that didn’t reach her eyes, “I would accept the council’s answer and forget about the Northlands. There is nothing for you there, my dear.”
I hated her endearment in the end and felt belittled like a child. She was wrong! There was something for me in the Northlands. Boulder was there and I needed to see him again. I needed to know if he felt as miserable without me as I did without him.
Standing in the foyer at the community hall, my senses were taking in the serene sound of the water fountain meant to add a tranquil atmosphere to the large room. But there was no peace or tranquility inside of me. There was only dark despair.
Closing my eyes, I roared out my powerlessness like a cornered animal and screamed at a woman who passed me, wishing me eternal bliss. There would never be any bliss in my life. I had known bliss but failed to recognize it for what it was. Now I knew. Now I understood that to me bliss came in a large, primitive, brutal package of a man with the name of Alexander Boulder. A man who could make me pant with want and scream out his name in orgasmic euphoria. A man who brought out emotions in me that no one else could. Bliss to me was feelingalive, and no one made me feel more alive than him. I screamed all that at the woman, but luckily only on the inside of my skull. Thirty-one years of indoctrination had taught me to hold my tongue.
Suffocating from emotions pressing in my chest, I hurried outside and desperately breathed in a large gulp of fresh air.
I biked home, blinded by tears, and when people called out to ask me if I was okay, I responded that I’d hurt my elbow but would be okay. Physical pain was accepted. Emotional pain would concern them more, and before I knew it I would be in the hands of well-meaning advisors who would help me find my balance again. The very thought of my finding my balance and living a full life was offensive. I had screwed up the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me and every year I lived without Boulder would be a year half-lived.
CHAPTER 29
Khan’s Secret
Boulder
Parking my hybrid outside the gray mansion I looked for Magni’s ride, but didn’t see it.
Instead I found Khan in the park in a heated discussion with Pearl. He looked like he was close to strangling her but the woman fearlessly stared up at him with her head held high.
Pausing, I almost didn’t approach him because of the tension between them, but then Pearl turned her back on him and Khan strode off with a huff of annoyance.
“Hey, Khan, hold up,” I called out and ran after him.
