Page 78 of The Genius
Shelly
A real genius should be able to come up with a solution to just about anything.
I had nothing!
For two minutes, I had stared into the eyes of Marco. And during those precious one hundred and twenty seconds I had known that he was as important to me as eating, sleeping, or breathing.
When I was fifteen, I had been infatuated with Marco.
Now that I was twenty-five and we were lovers, my infatuation had grown into something deeper.
I loved his beautiful smile, the way the edges of his eyes crinkled when he grinned. The way he argued about things that mattered to him. His love for children. I loved the way he smelled after we’d had sex. The groans and moans he made.
Marco was the only man I could ever imagine being with. But his biggest wish was a marriage to a Northlander and I couldn’t give him that. Nor could I give him the million dollars he could win in a tournament, fighting for his Northlander bride.
Lying in my bed, regret kept me awake.
Maybe it would’ve been better for me if I hadn’t entered into a sexual relationship with him. At least then I wouldn’t know what I’d be missing out on when he married soon.
He might not make it to be one of the five champions. And even if he does, Louisa might not pick him,I reminded myself.After all, despite Marco being an amazing fighter and making it to be one of the five champions in the last two tournaments, he’s still unmarried.
It should have calmed me, but just the thought that Marco would have to fight, and could potentially get hurt or die, made me toss and turn. I came up with creative ways to sabotage the tournament to prevent him from putting himself in danger. But if this was what he wanted, who was I to take it away from him?
I imagined seeing him with his bride. The visions made me curl up with excruciating pain in my stomach.
Marco and I have never spoken about love between us. It had been understood from the beginning that our relationship would end when he left for the tournament.
Once, I had asked him what would happen if he didn’t win, and he had dismissed my question, saying he was going to think positively.
What if I was willing to marry him?
I sighed with the realization that it wouldn’t be enough to make him happy. I didn’t have a million dollars lying around. The times he’d asked me to marry him I’d never felt love was a part of his reason for asking.
It’s for the best. How would I explainto my friends and family at home that I love an Nman?Most people I knew were intellectuals and many of them were part of the groups of concerned citizens who protested the integration with the Northlands.
So what? I’ve never cared what others said. Marco is the only man that makes me feel truly alive when I’m with him. My love for him is what makes my days colorful.
Groaning out loud, I rubbed my forehead, hating that my thoughts were those of a hopeless romantic, and wondering how shocked Marco would be if he knew that I was in love with him. So far, I’d managed to keep it well hidden and focus on how incompatible we were.
It’s better if I let him go.
A strong push of resistance inside me refused.No, I can’t let him marry Louisa. Maybe he doesn’t love me, but he doesn’t love her either.
I was awkward, quirky, and unsure about my future, but the only thing that made sense to me was having Marco in my life.
If I don't at least tell him how I feel about him, I’ll blame myself when he marries another woman.
Turning on some light, I sat up in my bed, pulled out my notepad, and began making a list of reasons why he should be with me.
1: Sexual compatibility.
2: Stimulating conversations.
3: Shared humor.
4: I love him.
5:
