Page 97 of The Mentor
“Yet,” he said softly.
With a frustrated puff of air, I turned my back on him.
“Kya, I’m ready to commit myself to you and it fucking hurts that you’re unwilling to do the same.” He moved up behind me and leaned into my hair as he whispered the next words: “Please marry me.”
My heart dropped as a flash of temptation pulled at me, but no, the thought was too alien and my next words came out in staccato sentences that sounded much harsher than they were meant. “I can’t. You knew that from the beginning. I’m not Pearl and I’m not Christina. My life is in the Motherlands. Sure, I’m excited to be part of this historic school project and all, but as soon as these three years are up, I’m going back to my friends and family. I’m not giving up on my culture, and I doubt you would be willing to give up on yours if the situation was reversed.”
“Maybe I would if I had a choice,” Archer said with bitterness in his voice.
“Yeah, but we both know that you don’t. For a while, I started hoping too, but then I spoke to Pearl today. Did you know that she and Khan addressed the Council about this?” A knot burned in my belly from the disappointment her words had caused me. “Khan asked the council straight out if they would consider letting Nmen live here if everything went well with the school project.”
“And what did they say?”
“They said that it was a future goal but that the best candidates would be the boys from the school.”
Archer turned my body around and looked deep into my eyes. “But I’m part of the school too!”
“It doesn’t matter because even if the members of the Council are willing to include you, they’re still not open to having Nmen move here anytime soon,” I said and sighed.
“But Finn told me he’ll be going to represent the Nmen in the Motherlands.”
“As a visitor, Archer, not a permanent resident. The council told Pearl that there was no way they would give residential status to any Nmen until we had been running these experimental projects for at least a decade.”
Archer’s eyes were darting around the room, and his voice rose slightly. “But that could change, Kya. Ever since Pearl came to the Northlands, so many things have happened. Maybe Finn and the other men will convince the council that we can be trusted.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Or maybe they will get into fights like you did yesterday, and the whole project will be shut down.”
“So, youaremad about me getting in that fight? Then why did you pretend not to be yesterday?”
“I’m not mad, Archer. I accept that seeing me and Finn together like that set you off. I may not understand it, but I take full responsibility for my part in it.”
Archer pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me like he was unwilling to ever let me go. “You know what I don’t understand,” he said with a frown. “I thought you really liked it in the Northlands. You seemed happy there, so why do you hate it so much?”
My shoulders sank. “I don’t hate it at all, but I can’t give you what you want. Our cultures are too different and there is too much on the line. I’m twenty-six and I want to see the world, not be cooped up on some island for the rest of my life.”
A deep exhalation sounded from Archer before he released his hold around me and stepped back. “I understand,” he said with a sadness that ripped my heart out.
Quickly, I hugged him but he stood stiff and quiet, like a switch had gone off.
“Don’t make this an ultimatum, Archer.” I pulled back and caressed his face, but he wouldn’t look at me. “You mean a lot to me, and I’m happy to share my bed with you.” Attempting a joke, I pulled him toward his bed. “Or in this case,yourbed.”
He didn’t say no, but there was no fire in his eyes, or hungry movements like there had been last night.
A deep sadness emanated from him and it made our lovemaking mechanical and awkward. Every time I looked into his eyes, I saw pain before he either closed his eyes or looked away.
This time he didn’t come inside of me and I didn’t come at all.
Instead I left his room incredibly confused about what had just happened. There had been no connection, no teasing, and no playing. Just mechanical sex!
It took me a long time to fall asleep that night, and my mind kept suggesting that I should go back and make things right between us. Twice, I actually got out of bed, but I managed to stop myself every time before I did something stupid such as break my promise to myself.
I would not allow myself to be trapped in the Northlands. No way!
And my bleeding heart, well, it would just have to toughen up and deal with the fact that it was better not to make a promise than to break one.
When the others traveled back to the Northlands, I took a detour back to my hometown, old San Francisco.
It had always been part of the deal that I could take trips home, so no one questioned that I would stay for an extra day.
