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“It’s impossible to be both worried and grateful at the same time.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then try it.”
I closed my eyes and focused on everything I was grateful for. My parents, my sister, my friends, my career.
“So can you?” he whispered.
“I guess not, but no one can be grateful constantly. My worries will come back.”
“Remember,” he whispered. “You’re in charge of your mind. You need to decide what serves you best. If you want to worry, then worry. But I promise you that it’s not going to make your life any better.”
“Don’t you ever worry?”
“Of course. More lately than ever.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. But the trick to not worrying is to accept that your brain has to think about something. You can’t tell your brain not to worry. Your brain is like a TV that runs night and day. All you can do is change the channel to something more pleasant.”
“Right now I’m seeing a channel with people talking about my sister getting raped.” I dried a tear away.
“Hey,” he squeezed my hand. “It’s just a mean rumor. Don’t you think she would have told you?”
“I hope so.” I sniffled.
I could barely see him in the darkness but I felt his hand slide up my arm and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Close your eyes, Chloe, and imagine something really nice. Play the movie in your head that you want to see the most. Whatever you wish would happen in your life – see it, feel it… play that movie.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep intake of air, slowly releasing it as images started to form. Adam on top of me, moving slowly while merging his hands with mine.
“Are you thinking about something nice?” he whispered.
“Uh-huh,” I murmured and smiled a little.
“Just let that movie play in your mind and feel how wonderful it feels to be you.”
“Okay,” I breathed.
“Wanna tell me about it?”
“No.” I sighed and imagined him looking at me with desire.
“That’s okay, as long as you can see it. Now, surrender to sleep and take that movie with you into your dreams.”
I played the whole scene in my head. Licking and tasting Adam’s caramel skin with his delicious tribal tattoos. His deep voice whispering all the things he wanted to do to me. This mind “channel” was definitely worth a viewing, and my worries were gone as I imagined making passionate love to Adam.
