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I was trying to think back to my first day at the camp. The anger I had been consumed by. The anxiety that had filled my thoughts, and the defensive attitude I had portrayed to the world. It seemed like a complete shift had occurred, and even though I was still scared of the upcoming court hearing, I hadn’t missed the oxycodone pills as much as I had thought I would.
“I don’t even remember what I said I wanted to achieve,” I said and looked at Gabriel. “Wasn’t it something about money?”
Bruce answered before Gabriel. “Our primary goal was to get you off the oxycodone pills and you said that in order to not need them, you needed money, remember?”
“Yes, and you translated money as a place to stay and food and stuff,”
Bruce nodded. “Safety and security.”
“Then I suppose I kind of got what I came for.”
“Kind of?”
“Well, it’s not like I’m leaving here with a job, but there’s the potential of making money at the exhibition –and more importantly, I feel so much better inside than when I came. I’m well rested, I’m well fed, and…” I looked at Gabriel. “G has given me more hugs and kisses these past two weeks than in my twenty-one years combined.
Gabriel grinned. “What can I say, I like to cuddle.”
“What do you think of our methods?” Bruce asked.
Gabriel and I exchanged a glance and then we broke into a loud snicker. “Oh, your methods are crazy. To be honest I don’t even think they’re legal, but hey… I feel better and stronger than I have ever felt before, so I can’t really be angry with you.”
“Which part was the hardest for you?” Bruce asked.
“The diaper, definitely the diaper.”
Bruce frowned. “Interesting. I would have thought you would say the part about letting your daddy bathe you.”
He turned to Gabriel. “What part was the most challenging for you?”
Gabriel looked thoughtful. “Seeing Cia upset and crying was the hardest part. It’s been some emotionally intense weeks, for sure.”
“Will you two keep in contact when you move to Missouri?” Bruce asked.
“Absolutely,” Gabriel said at the same time as I said, “I hope so.”
I spent the afternoon writing down reflections on my life so far and what I’d learned from my time in the camp. Seeing my milestones on paper made me realize how I had grown and become someone else.
Someone comfortable in a man’s presence. Someone who had been strong enough to confront my mother, someone able to channel my emotions into my art. Someone owning my sadness and darkness as part of me instead of letting it completely consume me.
It was a small miracle what two weeks of full-time therapy, good food, plenty of sleep, peaceful nature, and the loving care of a family member had done to me.
Bruce and Gabriel had shown me that life could be more than just survival, and I was ready to go out and live it.
