Page 64 of Black
“Stand up,” she finally said.
I rose to my feet.
“Do you want me to wash you, like you’ve washed me?” she asked and her eyes fell to my saluting soldier.
Yes!my body shouted, but I remembered there was a camera in the room and forced myself to shake my head.
“No thank you, I think I’ll do that myself.”
If she was relieved, she didn’t show it. She just handed me the showerhead and stepped out of the tub.
Thank God!
?∞?
Cia
Gabriel had been right, it had been his last time to wash my hair – because Bruce promoted me to a ten-year-old after our morning session, which meant I was finally a preteen and fully capable of grooming myself. Hallelujah.
Gabriel and I didn’t mention anything about our dramatic morning. We knew Bruce had it on video, but hopefully he had been too busy with his other clients to watch it.
Instead we three spoke about my nightmare, about my mom burning Hello Kitty, and once again, I felt like I had just run an emotional marathon with nowhere to hide from the crazy doctor’s annoying X-ray vision. “You’re a big girl now,” Bruce said when we were rounding up.
“So what is my role then?” Gabriel asked Bruce.
“You’ll still spend most of your time with Cia, but now you two can go on longer hikes, play pool, and you can even have a bit of time for yourself while Cia paints or hangs out with others. So enjoy that you’re off the hook a bit.”
Gabriel surprised me when he said. “I don’t know, I was just getting used to it and I kind of liked it.”
Bruce made a note on his paper. “I find that interesting and I want to investigate that a bit more in another session, but I think Cia has had enough for one day.”
I nodded.
“Just think about what I said, will you?” he asked. “I know you don’t want to see your mom, but carrying around anger and resentment will make you sick. If you could come to a place of forgiveness it would benefit you more than you can imagine.”
“Yeah, you already told me… anger and hatred causes anxiety, which makes me produce too much adrenaline and cortisum, which undermines the production of my cancer-killing cells and shit.”
“Cortisol,” Bruce corrected. “I’m glad to see that you understand it on an intellectual level; now all you need to do is let me invite your mom to come for a session.”
I got up. “You know, Dr. Bruce, I don’t mind admitting that it’s been good talking through some of all the things from my past, but I promised myself I would never have to see that woman again, and no one can make me break that promise.”
“I understand, Cia, but just remember that forgiving is not the same as condoning, and you don’t forgive your mother for her sake, you do it for your own.”
“Yadda yadda yadda… same answer. No!”
Bruce chuckled. “Very well, all I ask is that you think about it. If you want to walk out of this camp feeling light and free, I can help you. If you choose to walk out and still be weighed down by your past, then that’s your choice too.”
“That’s right; my choice!”
Bruce and Gabriel got up too. “I think Cia has done some great work,” Gabriel said to support me.
Bruce nodded but his brows were firmly knitted together in a thoughtful expression. “Yes, but it’s going to be interesting to see what pops up in her pre-teen years.”
A voice deep inside of me was whispering warnings but I didn’t stop to listen.
“Can I take Cia to the city and go shopping for a few hours?” Gabriel asked.
Bruce walked to his door that had the same brown color as the wood panels in the room. He opened it for us before he answered. “I would prefer if you waited a few days. I certainly can’t stop you if you decide to do it, but it’s important that you stay in your roles, and that will be hard to do if you leave the camp.”
