Page 15 of Our Shattered Pieces
“Yeah, you’re not the first and only, sweetheart,” Sawyer sneered.
“Good. Great. Glad to hear it,” I fired back. “Now let me the fuck through.”
When they parted to let me through, I thought that was going to be the end of it, but I was wrong. A few feet away, Sawyer called out to me. “Hey, Molly?”
Against my better judgement, I turned around to hear what he had to say. “What?”
“I still like knowing I was your first.” The bastard winked at me, and I couldn’t turn around fast enough.
Tears of humiliation rained down my face as I made my way to my car. Even with their graduation on the horizon, I couldn’t escape the shameful desire that had been stirred up after that one experience, and I didn’t want to feel it anymore. I didn’t want to run into any of them and be reminded that I was sick in the head.
Because I had to be, right?
Chapter 10
Grayson~
Movie night had been ruined.
After coming home and telling my parents and Rowan what had happened, my parents had been understandably pissed off, but Rowan had been upset enough to cancel movie night. She had gone up to her room without eating, and when I couldn’t stand it any longer, I had gone up there after her.
We talked as she cried in my arms, and it hadn’t surprised me that her main concern had been me risking everything for something that wasn’t going to change what happened to her. My little slice of revenge hadn’t changed anything. Rowan was still going to have to live with what happened to her, and I still felt guilty for being all the way in Boston when it had happened.
As much as we wanted to, I couldn’t erase what happened to her any more than she could take away my guilt and regret.
After Rowan had finally fallen asleep, I had gone to deal with my parents. The house being as big as it was, they’d been able to alternate between hissing and yelling at me. Even when I had told them that Paul Connors said he wasn’t going to call the cops they had still done the whole ‘what if’ routine. To which my father had added that if any of us were going to end up in jail, it’d would have been him, years ago when this had all happened. According to him, he and my mother had already lived their lives. It was up to them to take the bullet for their children if a bullet needed to be taken.
In fact, things hadn’t simmered down until I had agreed to go to some counseling to deal with what happened to Rowan. Rowan was still going, and they thought I might benefit from going as well.
At first, it had been an automatic denial, but the more they pressed, the more I realized it couldn’t hurt. Even without what happened with Rowan I had other issues that could be addressed.
Like how I had these odd desires that had surfaced, and I couldn’t stuff them back in the box, no matter how hard I tried.
Freshman year, when Tamara Miller had taken me home from a party, had changed me forever. Content with what I had believed to be good sex, I hadn’t been expecting any of what Tamara had shown me that night.
Everything had started out routinely enough. We had gone back to her place, and once we’d gone into her bedroom, the kissing had been nice and filled with enough passion to make me eager for what was next.
It hadn’t been until she had slid her hand down my pants andtoldme to fuck her face that I had been taken aback. As far as I knew, girls didn’t like that. Sure, I knew it happened, but my young sex life had never consisted of that kind of aggressiveness. And I had been honest with her about that. I hadn’t wanted to leave her unsatisfied, so I had told her she needed to tell me what she wanted because I wasn’t used to what she had been asking for.
From there, it had spiraled into something I never could have imagined.
Tamara had become my own personal porn star, and it had awakened something in me that I’d never known was there. I had never given much thought to people’s sexual proclivities and how they had come to be, but mine were born the night Tamara Miller had told me to cum on her face while calling her a dirty whore.
Tentative at first, it hadn’t felt natural, but when she had assured me it was what she liked, the words had started flowing as if I’d been saying them to women all my life. And never mind the words, but I couldn’t get enough of the things she had asked me to do to her that night.
In one night, I’d done some of the filthiest things I’ve ever done to a woman, and Tamara couldn’t seem to get enough either.
While not into anything violent, she was into some seriously rough sex and degradation. I had called her a slut and whore. I had called her my fucktoy. I had smeared my cum all over her face. She had even given up the ass, giving me my first anal experience ever.
And when it had all been over, we had showered, and talked the rest of the night like two normal people getting to know each other. She hadn’t been embarrassed or had apologized or had been regretful. We had talked and it had amazed me how she could separate what we’d done in the bedroom with who we were outside of it.
We had ended up seeing each other for a while before she’d had to transfer because of a family tragedy. Ever girl after that had been…adequate. I’d been smart enough to realize that not all girls liked that kind of sex play, and I treaded the waters carefully whenever I had slept with someone new. And rough sex was about as far as I’ve gotten since Tamara.
However, when all that shit had gone down with Rowan, that’s when my desires had started to bother me. I mean, how could I want to treat my sexual partners like they were there just for me to use for my sick pleasure when someone had been doing the same to my sister?
Granted, consent could be the argument here, but I still wasn’t sure about that. And that’s why Katy had been the perfect choice for me. Her refusal to be treated as anything less than perfect kept my demons at bay. Dating Katy was supposed to condition me to be better.
However, sometimes I’d slip and pull up porn and rub one out to a woman getting fucked within an inch of her life. Sometimes she’s with one guy, sometimes she’s not. But every single time she’s being fucked, she’s being called a whore or a slut. She’s being treated like all that mattered were those three holes that were made for cock.
