Page 53 of Our Cracked Pieces
“Rowan, I am not perfect,” he said. “I’m far from it, in fact.”
“I don’t believe that,” I told him truthfully.
“I can’t imagine what you went through, and how that shaped you differently from the person you were supposed to be without that experience, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you, Rowan. While I understand you better, my feelings for you haven’t changed.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because we all have shit that happens to us that shapes us differently,” he said. “Some shit more detrimental than others, but the experiences still shift us a bit.” He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. “Take me for instance.”
“What about you?”
“While I tell you what I’m about to tell you, please understand that I amnotcomparing our situations. Not at all. What you went through is a horror I can’t even fathom. But I want you to understand that I’m not perfect and have my own baggage.”
“Okay.”
“In high school, I had a girlfriend named Vanessa,” he began. “We’d been together for two years, but a couple of months from graduating, she had turned up pregnant.” Since I knew he didn’t have kids, I imagined the worse. I imagined her getting an abortion without telling him. “I found out by accident, and when I had confronted her, she admitted to being scared and confused.” He straightened and leaned back against the couch. “I made her all the promises, and I had meant them at the time. See, I had suspected her of cheating for a while, but when I found the pregnancy test, all her weird behavior had begun to make sense. She hadn’t been cheating, she had just been anxious and scared.”
“That’s understandable, I suppose.”
Lorcan gave me a tender smile. “It would have been had she not really been cheating on me,” he said.
I gasped. “What?”
“I found out she’d been having an affair with one of our teachers, and that the baby was his. He was older, and married, and Vanessa had really believed they were going to be together.”
“Oh, God, Lorcan,” I whispered. “That’s awful.”
He just shrugged a shoulder. “I kicked his ass, a scandal ensued, and Vanessa had gotten an abortion in hopes of getting rid of the only proof of their affair. However, my parents had hired the best lawyers around, because he’d had me arrested for assault, and they’d been able to uncover a pattern he’d had of affairs with his students. I’d been put on probation, but I had developed some serious issues where women were concerned.”
“I suppose you would.”
“Now, while nowhere near what you went through, the experience still shaped me in an unhealthy way,” he went on. “I had trust issues, and while I still exercised respect, I didn’t hold women in a very high regard. With the exception of my mother and sister, every other woman in my life has been disposable.” Those grey eyes of his narrowed thoughtfully. “Until you.”
“Lorcan-”
“Until. You,” he repeated. “The same way I make you want to try at something more, you make me want to be better, Rowan. I want someone I can trust enough to love. I want someone who will call me an asshole when I’m being an asshole, but still love me despite my less-than-charming personality.” He smirked. “I want to be able to fucking trust the woman I love.”
“Christ, we’re a pair,” I muttered, and I thought back to everything Dr. Willis had said. Ihadassumed Lorcan had no baggage, but here we were, and entire matching set between the both of us.
“I think I’m in love with you, Rowan,” Lorcan said smoothly, and it took a second for the words to register.
“Uhm, I’m sorry, come again?”
“Come here,” he said.
Hesitant at first, I finally made my way over until I was sitting next to him, but that wasn’t good enough for Lorcan. His hands on my hips, he lifted me until I was straddling his lap. However, he made sure to keep his hands on my hips, and my heart thumped in my chest as I noticed.
His eyes on mine, he said, “You have no idea what these past four days have been like for me, baby.”
“I think I might,” I grumbled.
“And maybe I’ve always loved you, because that’s the only reason I have for chasing your ass for over a year, but these past four days have been hell,” he went on to explain. “And when I thought you were out on a date with someone else…well, I’m here, aren’t I? Thinking what I was thinking, I knew I was risking showing up here to see you with another man, but I didn’t give a fuck, Rowan. I came over here ready to fight for you.”
Since he was being honest, he deserved it back. “I was crushed when I thought your business dinner was a date,” I admitted. “It didn’t help that she was so beautiful.”
Lorcan let out a laugh. “And you think a professional football player who had too much in common with your brother wasn’t like a kick to the chest?”
“God, we’re so stupid.”
