Page 48 of Our Cracked Pieces
I took a deep breath and told her everything. Since she already knew about what happened to me, I skipped that part, and I glossed over my previous counseling since it was basic survival counseling. It was when I got to Lorcan, and how he made me feel, that I went into detail. Retelling the events felt like a cleansing of sorts, and even if she didn’t have answers for me, it still felt a bit freeing.
Confessing my confusion to Mystic and Grayson wasn’t the same as sitting with Dr. Willis. Mystic and Grayson will always side with me, and I knew it. No matter what I said or did, they’d always be on my side, and I didn’t need support right now, I needed answers.
When I was done, her smile was so kind, it almost did me in. I’d manage to hold it together because I was used to being tough. I was used to being strong and taking control. It’s all I’ve ever known for the past ten years. But that tender, understanding smile of hers was so lethal, I grabbed a couple of tissues off the table in between us.
“So, you’ve admitted to knowing Lorcan Cavanaugh for over a year now, correct?” I nodded. “And you are both set to be godparents to the same set of twins, correct?” I nodded again. “He’s been asking you out for well over a year, and it seems as if your feelings for him are just as strong as his feelings for you.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I muttered.
“Rowan, I know who Lorcan Cavanaugh is,” she informed me politely. “I don’t think there’s anyone in Chicago who hasn’t heard of him.”
“I suppose,” I conceded.
“I don’t think a man like that pursues a woman, for over a year, if he’s not seriously interested in her. But that’s not what I was getting at.”
“Then what?”
“He’s not a stranger, and you guys are bound by your friends, and your roles in the life of their children.” She straightened a bit in her chair. “So, why not just tell him the truth?”
I let out a pathetic laugh. “Tell someone like Lorcan Cavanaugh that I have serious issues? How embarrassing would that be? Especially, when…when I do have feelings for him?”
“Someone like Lorcan Cavanaugh?”
My brows rose. “Yeah, someone like him. A man who’s gorgeous, successful, intelligent, wealthy, sexy, and all the other adjectives in the English language.”
Dr. Willis smiled again. “But, Rowan, the same could be said of you.”
My head reared back. “What?”
“Just looking at you, a person can assume the same thing. You’re extremely beautiful, have a successful job, great friends, a loving family, and a captivating personality. No one would ever suspect that you’ve been through an ordeal.” Relaxing in her chair, she said, “What makes you think Lorcan Cavanaugh is baggage-free? What makes you think he wouldn’t understand your story? Why have you made him perfect in your mind?”
“I…” I had no idea what to say to that.
“Let’s take Grayson, for instance,” she continued. “Looking at everything your brother has accomplished in life, no one would suspect that he goes to counseling twice a year. The same thing could be said for Lorcan Cavanaugh. But you won’t know until you talk to him. Explosive sex aside, that’s what getting to know each other is all about. That’s what starting a relationship is based on. For all you know, Lorcan Cavanaugh might have demons even darker and more threatening than your own.”
“But I was so horrible to him, Dr. Willis,” I reminded her. “Even armed with this new viewpoint, I doubt he’d be willing to listen to me now.”
“Do you understand what the point of an apology is?” she asked.
“Forgiveness?”
She shook her head. “When we are truly sorry, truly remorseful for our actions, we apologize as a sign of our regret. Apologizing is acknowledging that we were wrong, and taking responsibility for it,” she explained. “Now in doing so, wehopethat our apology will be accepted, but the party we’ve wronged is not obligated to accept it. They don’t owe us anything. So, you apologize because it’s the right thing to do, and hope that you’re forgiven. And if you’re not, you can still walk away, knowing you’ve done the right thing in trying to right the wrong you did.”
“So, apologize, and hope he’s willing to hear me out?”
Dr. Willis nodded. “And if he’s not, then you take the lesson you’ve learned from all this to the next guy who makes you want to feel free.”
That’s when I started crying.
I cried out so much regret, and she let me. Patiently, kindly, Dr. Willis let me cry myself stupid in her office, and when I was done, she recommended someone she thought could help me. Being Grayson’s therapist, this visit had been a courtesy, and she believed it would be a conflict of interest to counsel us both.
I took her up on her suggestion.
Chapter 34
Lorcan~
It was Wednesday, and I was still feeling the effects of Saturday night. Since that night, I’ve been working like a racehorse, and while I was used to it, the effort to push Rowan out of my mind, and keep her out of it, was exhausting as fuck.
