Page 52 of Our Cracked Pieces
Her eyes were shiny, but I could see her blinking away the emotion. When I was sure she was going to kick me out again, she asked, “Do you want to sit down?” I nodded and made my way to the couch. “Do you want something to drink?”
I shook my head. “No. I just want to talk, Rowan.”
She walked over and sat down on the couch, making sure there was plenty of space between us. I watched her take a deep breath, and it appeared as if she were just as uncomfortable as I was.
“Row-”
“Can I tell you something?” she asked, interrupting me. “Just…do you think you can just…just sit there and listen until I’m finished?”
I really didn’t think I could, but what choice did I have? I imagined she was going to recite all the reasons why we had to make this work, and there was going to be nothing to do but agree with her.
I nodded. “Okay.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment, but then, finally, she began to speak. “When I was eighteen my friends and I participated in senior prank week, only our prank turned out to be more than just a harmless prank. We had kind of broken the law.”
“Lots of kids-” Remembering I promised to just listen, I broke off what I’d been about to say. “Sorry. Go on.”
“We were tasked with taking freshmen transcripts from the Administration offices, but because those student files contained medical information and financial information, that’s what made it illegal.” She let out an unsteady breath, and her hands were tangling in her robe belt. “During our escape, I got caught up on the fence, and the security cameras that we hadn’t known where there, had notified our on-campus utility officer of the break in.” She stopped, and asked, “Is it okay if I get something to drink?” And the request for permission had surprised me.
“Of course,” I agreed easily.
Rowan stood up to go get something to drink, and Gage’s suspicions were crawling up my spine. If she needed something to drink and a fucking break from this story, then it couldn’t be good.
When she sat back down, she immediately started her story again. “With us so close to graduating, us getting arrested would have been a real threat to our college plans. Off…Officer Connors had laid out the ramifications, but he had also…he had also offered a compromise.”
“Rowan…”
“For weeks, I let him…he….”
“Baby-”
She threw her palm up to shut me up. “Since I was…well-developed, he would always make sure to run his hand down my chest before…” Rowan grabbed her water and took a healthy drink. “He always ran his hand down my chest before he stuck his fingers in me.”
It was hard to explain what that bit of information did to me. What that kind of information did to a man. Apart from the murderous rage I was feeling at the man who had hurt Rowan, unrealistic regret at not being able to help a girl I hadn’t known back then was there, too. Added to what Molly’s been through in her life, I was ready to kill.
But first, I had to finish listening.
“The touching wasn’t for me. In fact, it was so painful sometimes, I would bleed,” Rowan went on. “It was to get him hard quicker. And once he was ready, he’d…he’d push me to my knees and make me take care of him that way.”
“Jesus Christ, Rowan,” I swore under my breath.
“I thought I was protecting everyone, but when he said he planned on taking it further, before I graduated and he lost his chance, I broke down and called Grayson,” she continued. “He’d been at BU at the time, but he’d flow home and made me tell our parents. After it all came out, it had been a bit of a mess, but he’d gotten arrested and had gone to jail.” She started playing with her robe belt again. “I’d gone to counseling, and after a couple of years, I started dating again. But…but the anxiety of worrying that I might freak out if a guy touched my breasts or tried to…well, that’s when I made my sex-only decision. I didn’t want to embarrass myself if I wasn’t healed enough to enjoy everything else.”
“Rowan-”
“And I’m sorry, Lorcan,” she rushed out. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you and the things I said and accused you of. I really don’t believe you…I don’t think you’re like that. I never thought you were like that. I just…I have issues.”
“Rowan, I-”
“I just panicked,” she continued. “I panicked because you’re the first man who’s ever made me feel like I…like I wanted more. I wanted to try with you. I wanted…but what if I freaked out? Oh, my God, what would you think of me? You’re so perfect and-”
“Okay,” I said, cutting her off. “Let me stop you right there.”
Chapter 37
Rowan~
My heart was thumping inside my chest and my palms were sweating. While it had been hard to tell Lorcan the truth, it had been easier than I had anticipated. However, I still didn’t know if he was going to accept my apology, or where this would leave us, but what’s done was done.
