Page 2 of Our Cracked Pieces
The very idea of being able to finally control my own life sent unexpected tingles down my back. I was already eighteen, but still living at home, still attending high school, and still at the mercy of adults made me feel like I was still sixteen.
They say age was a state of mind, and right now, I felt like I was forty. I wasn’t like Mandy, Carly, or Tammy. I wasn’t carefree or flighty. Even though Mandy, Carly and Tammy were my closest friends, I’d left clothes, shoes, boys, and social media obsessions behind a while back.
Six weeks, to be exact.
And in those six weeks, I’ve grown so much. More than I wish I would ever have had to.
“I can’t wait to get to Michigan,” Carly chimed in. She’d gotten into the University of Michigan, and she was super excited about it. “While I’m going to miss you hookers terribly, I can’t wait to meet new people.” Carly was the social butterfly of our little foursome.
“I can’t wait to drown myself in all those college guys,” Tammy said, fanning herself dramatically. “No more boys, ladies. We’ll finally be in the company of men.” I tried my best not to cringe at that. “I can’t wait.”
“Well, since I’m following Darnell to Ohio State, college guys aren’t a factor for me,” Mandy said. “Not that they ever were.” Mandy and Darnell have been dating since the eighth grade, and they were crazy for each other. I wasn’t a big believer in the whole high-school-sweethearts thing, but if anyone could make it through the pitfalls of adulthood, it was Mandy and Darnell.
Tammy rolled her eyes. “Well, not all of us can have a boyfriend who worships the ground we walk on.”
“Green looks wicked on you, Tam,” Carly teased.
Tammy laughed. “Hell yeah, I’m jealous,” she replied. “And don’t act like you aren’t either.”
Carly grinned. “Have been since sophomore year when Darnell carried her out of Hendrix Gray’s party in that fireman hold after one of their fights.”
Mandy laughed at that. “One of the best nights of my life,” she said, winking at all of us.
Tammy nudged my knee with hers. “What about you, Row?” We were all sitting at our usual lunch bench, me and Tammy on one side, Carly and Mandy on the other. “Aren’t you excited? You’re going to freakin’ Georgetown.”
My strength was numbers. I’ve always been good with them, and I liked how there was no room for error with math. I liked the order of it, and I wanted to go into accounting. I liked the idea of being an auditor and fishing out things that didn’t make sense. While I had no desire to go into police work, I liked the detective vibe of auditing.
My older brother, Grayson, was a sophomore at Boston College, where he was attending to get his teaching degree. Grayson wanted to teach high school and coach football, and I had no doubt he’d accomplish both. Grayson was driven and determined, and pretty awesome, really.
“Iamexcited,” I answered. “It’s just…well, I’m going to miss you guys.” That wasn’t a lie. Our foursome has been a foursome since the seventh grade, and I was going to miss these girls terribly. “I guess it’s hard to be excited about something that’s going to be sad, also.” I wasn’t completely lying, so I knew I sounded believable.
Mandy reached over and plucked a fry off my lunch plate. “That explains your depressing mood lately,” she said. “I was about to stage an intervention to find out what the hell has crawled up your ass these past few weeks.”
Guilt and paranoia slithered down my back. I’d been doing my best to hide my dark moods, but I guess I haven’t been doing a very good job. “I haven’t been that bad,” I denied.
Tammy snorted. “Rowan, you’ve been in your own little world these past few weeks, that you missed Joseph Redman asking you out last week after the spirit rally.”
I almost laughed at that. Even if we weren’t going to graduate in a couple of months, there’s no way I could bring myself to start dating someone right now.
The thought made my skin crawl.
“Can you blame me?” I asked, trying to play it off. “This is a big deal, guys. We’re heading off to different parts of the country. We’re…yeah, I’m excited, but a part of me is feeling super intimidated, too.”
Carly’s brows jumped high. “You? Intimidated? Since when?”
I’ve always been a confident girl. My parents, Stanley and Lillian Lewis, had raised me and my brother to stand up for ourselves, and always fight the good fight. My father was a lawyer, and my mother was a middle school teacher. They were a good team, and I liked to think that me and my brother were one, as well.
And it wasn’t that I was no longer confident, but the foundation of who I was had been shaken, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
“Okay, maybe not intimidated,” I amended. “But…I don’t know. So much is changing.”
“But that’s the whole point,” Tammy said. “And with social media taking over the world, it’s not like we’re going to lose touch with each other. There’s no way we’re going to drift apart.”
“I agree,” Mandy added. “We might not be together, but we’ll still be there for each other.”
“You guys are right,” I agreed. And while I couldn’t tell them the truth of these past few weeks, I couldn’t let them go on thinking that I was upset or preoccupied because of them. “I guess I was just letting myself become overwhelmed.”
“Well, relax, chick,” Jillian said. “Besides, you have a hot brother who is in his second year of college. Grayson can walk you through anything you need to know.”
