Page 30 of If You Could Only Believe
I still don’t understand why he favored me for his bullshit, but he did, and I never asked why. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the more I could take, the prouder he became. He wanted to turn me into a monster, and I think it’s because his deranged mind believed that he was forming a bond between us.
Oh, and he formed a bond alright.
The hate I had for Harold Buchanan was cemented in the marrow of my bones. It was almost as strong as the love I have for my brothers.
At first, the abuse was very much like he dished out to Mason, Aiden and Gabriel. But as Mason and Aiden went off to college and Gabriel was busy with Justice, it was just me and the abuse got creative. It was almost military style tactics.
He would cut me without stabbing me. He would choke me without strangling me. He would always take me to the edge of my life and then bring me back, reminding me who was in charge.
I never cried, and I never begged.
The scars didn’t bother me, but my temper did.
I didn’t like worrying my brothers and frightening my sisters. I didn’t like not being in control. I valued self-control. I looked up to Mason and reveled in how cold he was. Sometimes I envied that; his ability to remain cold to his emotions.
I was able to remain calm when everything else around me was falling into chaos, but not if it involved my emotions regarding the people I loved and cared about. Mason, Aiden, Gabriel, Shane, Denise, Justice, and now, Sophia…they were my ticking time bombs.
Sophia.
I opened my eyes and raised my head, looking back down at the drink in my hand. What was I going to do about Sophia?
She had run out of my office like she never wanted to see me again, and I sort of couldn’t blame her. With all the questions she was asking, I knew she wasn’t a hundred percent on board with us dating yet, and then I go and throw a fucking chair across the room.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
I turned my head when I noticed Shane beginning to wake up. I didn’t need a babysitter, and I knew Mason loathed to not have her at home, but my mental state seemed to be the priority for everyone. The girls had never seen me lose my shit, but my brothers have. So, while it was par for the course for them, I knew I had frightened the girls. And I really felt like shit over that.
I watched as Shane rubbed her eyes, stretched and sit up. She turned towards me and cocked her head to the side. “Hey,” she whispered, a small smile on her lips. My eyes darted to the mole on the edge of her right eye. Mason once said it made his dick hard, but I thought it looked sweet on her.
My eyes found her pretty hazel ones, and I said, “Hey, back.”
Shane’s eyes wandered to the glass of amber in my hand and back up to mine. “How many of those have you had?” she asked, mother-henning me.
“Not enough, Pretty Girl,” I answered. “Not nearly enough.”
She sighed. “Michael, Sophia was just shocked,” she said, trying to downplay my behavior. “As we all…okay, maybe not your brothers, but us girls were…surprised, to say the least.”
“I know,” I breathed out. “And I’m so sorry, Pretty Girl. That is not something I ever wanted you girls to witness. It’s not fun.”
Shane nodded and started biting on her lower lip. After a few seconds, she said, “It’s just…it was such a contrast to the Michael we usually see, that’s all.”
I reached over and patted her knee. “There’s only one Michael, Shane.”
“I know,” she said, her voice worried. “And I love him dearly, I do. And because I love him so much, it kills me to see him upset.”
“What do I do if Sophia decides she never wants to see me again?” I asked her. I needed advice on this one. There was no one like Sophia, so common, run of the mill advise didn’t apply to this situation.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Shane replied, giving me hope. “I’ll admit, I don’t know Sophia outside of the party and lunch today, but she seems stronger than she gets credit for, Michael. I mean, a girl who speaks her mind the way she does has to be strong to the responses and reactions around her.”
“But she’s also sheltered, shy and…doubtful,” I countered. “She might decide I’m too much to handle.”
“Maybe,” she conceded. “Or,maybe, she might decide she’s found a man who isn’t scared to protect her and fight for her.” I snorted, and she slapped at me. “Hey! It’s true,” she argued. “Why do you think Mason’s…uh…ways don’t bother me? It’s because, even though I know he’s a bit of psychopath, his mental instability falls in my favor.”
I eyed her, but what she was saying wasn’t necessarily untrue. “If you were Sophia, what would you want from me right now?”
“My honest advice, Michael, is that…well, I think you should go to her,” she answered. “Sophia speaks her mind and leaves nothing to chance where she is concerned. If you go to her, she’s going to tell you exactly what she’s feeling and thinking. It’s better than trying to get through the workday tomorrow unsure of what’s going to happen. Not to mention, we don’t even know if shewillshow up to work tomorrow after all this.”
“What if she says she doesn’t want to see me?” I had no qualms about voicing my fears and insecurities to Shane. She brought a peace to all of us that we’ve never had before she came into our lives.
