Page 6 of If You Could Only Feel
I couldn’t help myself. “How do you know I’m not secretly in love with you and just waiting for the day you realized it and we can go on and live happily ever after?” I teased.
Beatrice laughed. “Because I notice all the times your eyes gloss over, and you drool whenever we’re watching The Kingsmen and Eggsy’s in a scene.”
Hmmmm…she had a point. Too bad I was pretty much telling her the truth if you just switched her name out for Gabriel’s.
I’m not sure when Gabriel Buchanan first took notice of me, but the first time he spoke to me was in our sophomore year of high school when we had been paired up in an American History project. Sure, I had seen him around and he was even in a couple of my classes, but I’d never spoken to him before. I hadn’t spoken to any of the Buchanan brothers.
The first time Gabriel and I met up in the library to do research for our project, he had sat across from me and I’ll never forget the jolt of electricity that sparked throughout my body, rendering me stupid when that spark hit my brain.
Gabriel had sat down, looked over at me, and giving me his undivided attention, smiled at me and I was done for. I sat there staring at him like a complete idiot until he snapped me out of my trance by asking me how I wanted to go about gathering the research.
Here’s the thing. Gabriel Buchanan (like all the Buchanan brothers) is gorgeous beyond what should be legally allowed. Gabriel was the very definition of tall, dark and handsome, except he was way beyond handsome.
Even as a sophomore in high school, Gabriel had already reached a height of a little over six-feet. He had a head full of the signature Buchanan black hair that begged to have a hand run through it. He had matching arched brows that sat over a pair of mind-numbing green eyes. His older brother Aiden had them too, whereas the oldest, Mason, had grey eyes.
Gabriel had a straight, Romanesque nose, strong cheekbones, lips full and soft with a cut jawline that was always clean shaven, and Michael had been the same. The Buchanan Twins really were identical with their…everything.
Well, maybe not everything.
While I did eventually find out that beneath Gabriel’s Henley shirts, designer jeans and million-dollar sneakers was a body worth salivating, I can’t speak on what Michael Buchanan looks like naked. But if he looks anything like Gabriel, then God help us all.
The first time I interacted with the both of them at the same time, I was literally stunned speechless. My mind would not stop spinning with the vision of both of them standing in front of me, talking and smiling.
Oh, did I mention they had dimples?Because they fucking did.
An identical pair of deep, indented crescents that rendered you dim-witted with their power. I actually had to ask them to repeat what they were saying because I kept getting lost in the greenness of their eyes and the all-around beauty of their faces.
Over the years, Gabriel’s physique hadn’t changed much. He still had broad shoulders, big, strong arms, cut pecs, a six-pack I loved running my tongue over, an Adonis belt and sturdy, muscular legs and I knew he kept in shape by working out five times a week or so. The only thing real changes were the ink on his skin. He liked tattoos, and they looked delicious on his body.
Ugh,his body…
I wish I could tell Beatrice the truth. There were so many times I longed to unburden myself with this unrequited love I had for Gabriel, but I had my pride. If I was going to be Gabriel’s dirty little secret, then by God, he would be mine, too.
So, since I couldn’t tell her the truth…“Well, I’ll have you know, there was a whole 18 years of living before I met you, girly,” I teased. “Just because I’ve been focusing on my job these past few years doesn’t mean I don’t know the feeling of a man.”
Her nose scrunched up. “The feeling of a man? Who the hell talks like that?”
I puffed out another laugh when I answered, “Someone who’s obviously had too much to drink.”
“We’re not even close enough to being cut off yet,” she disagreed. “Too much to drink status comes with glassy eyes, peeing too much, dancing to any song that comes on, and if God is being merciful tonight, our skirts up around our waists while we’re getting pounded into oblivion.” She sighed. “Ah, the dream.”
I wanted to caution her against getting pounded into oblivion by a man she just met, but I couldn’t. Being pounded into oblivion by a stranger sounded like music to my ears right now.
So, instead of lecturing on all things pink and pure, I said, “Don’t forget the condoms. If we’re going to be whores, we’re going to be responsible, safe whores, you got me?”
Beatrice smirked. “But of course, Mom.”
I looked out over the crowd, taking in how everyone was having a good time and appearing to be carefree and loving life and I wanted that to be me.
I wanted to be happy. I wanted to enjoy being 22 years old. I wanted to enjoy it being single or enjoy it being in a relationship. I didn’t want to settle for confusion, depression and limbo status. And as much as I loved Gabriel, the situation I’ve found myself in with him wasn’t enough anymore.
My love for Gabriel was real, and I knew there might be a chance that I’d always have this little piece of sorrow hovering in the corners of my heart from not being with him, but I had to try.
I had to test the waters. I’ve never been with another guy, and maybe given the chance, I could find something deeper and meaningful with someone willing to try with me.
Someone who thought I was worth the effort.
I glanced out back towards the sea of bodies that seemed to be having a good time and I made up my mind. “Let’s get glassy eyed, pee when need be, dance like fools and find us some guys to pound us into oblivion,” I battle cried.
