Page 30 of If You Could Only Feel
Chapter 17
Justice~
It’s been two days since I’ve last seen or heard from Gabriel or any of the Buchanans, not that I had expected to hear from any of them, save for Gabriel. But now that it’s been a couple of days and I’m not all jacked up with feelings of resentment, I cringe at the memory of how I behaved in front of all of them.
After my spectacular declaration that Gabriel wasn’t going to be the man I was going to love forever, his brothers had rushed over and,literally, had dragged him away as I stood standing there, a complete emotional mess.
Denise Buchanan had reached out and placed her hand on my back, apologizing before she followed the men. Shane had stood before me, regarding me, studying me, before she had wrapped her arms around me and held on.
I didn’t know what it was about her, but I found myself hugging her back, and just crying in her arms. Once I was able to gain some measure of control over my emotions, she had stepped back, and looking me in the eye, said, “He hurt you. I get that. I understand that more than you know, Justice.” She gave me a small, patient smile. “But I also know that he will spend the rest of his life making up for it. He loves you. He’s always loved you. And…and even though you didn’t know that, the rest of us did. So…I’m not saying you should just roll over and forgive him, I’m just saying use these few days he’s going to give you to really understand what you want and what you’re feeling. Don’t divorce him out of spite. If you’re going to divorce him, do it because you really can’t see yourself ever being happy with him.” Her words had just brought on more tears, and before I could comment, she stopped at the doorway, looked back at me, and added, “Ask yourself if it’s worth the fight, Justice.” She gave me another small smile. “Because I can guarantee you that you’re going to be in for the fight of your life if you decide to move forward and leave Gabriel. That man is not going to let you go.Ever.”
I hadn’t commented, and I had stood where I was standing until I heard the front door open and close. It was only then that I had dropped onto my bed and cried myself to sleep.
I had looked like a punching bag the next day at work, but I blamed it on allergies, and thank God, it was allergy season, because everyone bought it. Even Dr. Daughtry kept his pervy ways to a minimum. I hadn’t put my wedding rings back on, and I felt kind of sleazy leaving them off, because whether I liked it or not, I was married. I just didn’t know what I was going to do, and I didn’t want to have to explain how I was married one week and then divorced the next.
Balancing some invoices, I answered my phone without looking at the screen. “Hello?”
“Lunch at noon and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer,” Beatrice demanded in lieu of a greeting.
“Well, hello to you, too, Beatrice,” I teased. “How are you this fine day?”
She laughed into the phone. “I’ll be great once we’re sitting down for lunch,” she teased back.
“You know I only have a half hour lunchtime,” I reminded her. Dr. Daughtry gave us the option of taking an hour lunch or half hour lunch, and while 30 minutes might not seem like a big deal, it was at the end of the workday.
“I’ll order ahead, and we can eat at Sparks,” she said, fixing that dilemma.
“It’s a deal,” I conceded. I missed Beatrice. We hadn’t hung out since our night in the city when I met Nathanial, who was turning out to be a cool guy. We friended each other on social media and he often sent me funny GIFs texts and jokes.
“Okay,” she squealed. “I’ll see you at noon.”
I went back to work and did my best to drown out the world around me. Lunch would be rough because I couldn’t hide Gabriel from Beatrice any longer. I’ve been navigating this thing with Gabriel all by myself for the past six years and I was doing a jacked-up job of it. I needed a friend and some advice and the only other people who knew about us were his family and I already knew which side they were on.
Noon finally came, and I was walking into Sparks, looking for Beatrice. I finally spotted her in a corner table and made my way over. I dropped into the seat across from her. “Hey, Girly.”
Beatrice smiled her megawatt smile at me. “Hey,” she said as she gestured towards the food sitting in front of me. “I got you a Cobb Salad with a turkey sandwich.”
I removed my purse and placed it in the seat next to me. “Thanks, Bea.”
“Okay, so what’s going on, lady?” she asked, diving straight into the deep end. “I’ve hardly spoken to you since the night you met Nathanial and the last-minute Las Vegas trip.”
I launched in on how Nathanial and I agreed to be friends until or unless life changes for us in the meantime and bid my time before going into the details about my trip.
“I swear,” she huffed. “All the nice guys are taken or unemotionally available. And you want to know why they’re unemotionally available? Because they’re good guys, and if they break up with someone, they’re genuinely torn up about it.”
I laughed. She wasn’t necessarily wrong. “I don’t know, Beatrice,” I replied. “I think Nathanial and I are destined to be friends only.”
She cocked her head and her voice was so soft and compassionate when she said, “Awe, come on, Just. It could work.”
Okay. Here we go.
I shook my head at her. “I’m going to tell you something, but before I do, please don’t get mad at me and I promise to go into further details tonight after work. Right now, there’s not enough time.”
Her eyes rounded and her lips curve. “Oh, my God! You totally did him, didn’t you? You totally did the deed and aren’t a virgin anymore, huh? Oh, oh, oh…did he go to Vegas with you? Is that why it was a last-minute trip?”
I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm over my losing my virginity. “Will you hush up?” I chastised. “The entire place doesn’t need to hear about who I’m sleeping with or not sleeping with.”
She finished the bite of nachos she had grabbed before saying, “I’ll hush up as soon as you spill the details, ma’am.”
