Page 3 of If You Could Only Feel
Because I was madly in love with him and it didn’t matter. My feelings of love were irrelevant and made no impact on anything other than my makeup whenever I got caught up in my feelings and threw myself epic pity parties.
The Buchanan brothers were royalty in the town of Square Garden, Indiana. It was a decent size town an hour’s drive away from the city where Buchanan Industries helped run the world. It was a powerhouse business where the reigns were handed down from generation to generation. There was Mason Buchanan, the oldest, then Aiden Buchanan, and finally, the twins, Michael and Gabriel.
I was the same age as Gabriel and Michael and had gone to school with them. We had graduated in the same class, and while Gabriel went to Blaineview (one of the most elite, private colleges in the country), I stayed back in Square Garden working. I knew I was never destined for college. I would never have been able to afford it and my grades weren’t good enough for full ride scholarships.
My phone buzzed in my pocket again, so I looked up at the clock on the wall to see how close I was to the end of my shift. It was Friday and Dr. Daughtry always closed up shop at midday and it was close enough to one o’clock that Gabriel could wait until then for a response. If I was going to start a new direction in my life, I might as well start now.
Dr. Daughtry poked his head into my shoebox office that was more a closet than an actual office. “Start shutting it down, Justice,” he said, smiling. “It’s time to start the weekend off.”
I smiled back because, for once, he seemed to sound genuine. “You don’t have to tell me twice, Dr. Daughtry.”
He shook his head. “Are you ever going to call me Thomas, Justice?”
“Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’ as I shut down my computer and started locking up my desk drawers.
He chuckled and, thankfully, left it at that. “Okay, okay. See you Monday. Have a great weekend.”
I gave him another smile. “Thank you,” I replied. “You, too.”
As soon as he cleared the doorway, I hurried to gather my purse and jacket so I could walk out with the other employees. I learned the hard way how creepy the good doctor could be when left alone with him and I was never going to put myself in that position again.
I waved to Lori, one of the dental hygienists, and Hannah, the receptionist, on my way through the lobby and out the front door. The second I cleared the doorway, I pulled out my phone and saw the four missed texts from Gabriel.
Starting BI on Monday, so I’ll c u this wknd.
??????
Is there a reason ur ignoring my texts?
Just noticed the time. Hit me up when ur off.
I took a deep breath as I leaned up against my white, used Nissan Maxima. I knew he and Michael were supposed to take their rightful places at BI on Monday now that they’ve graduated and earned their degrees. I’ve known the path all the Buchanan Brothers were going to take since the first day I ever understood who they were. But the heartache at this new turning point in Gabriel’s life still felt heavy in my chest.
I’d been sleeping with Gabriel Buchanan since our junior year of high school, and now here we were, 22 years old, and we were still just sleeping with each other.
Hell, we didn’t even sleep.
We had sex.
That’s it.
That’s all.
If we slept, it was because we’d nod off between rounds of sex. If we woke up in the same bed together the next morning, it was because Gabriel wanted to start his day balls deep inside some vagina, not because he couldn’t bear to part from me.
I wasn’t confused about my purpose in Gabriel Buchanan’s life. I haven’t been since the day I handed over my virginity to him. The problem was, back then, I was positive I could take what little pieces of Gabriel he wanted to give me and not get caught up in a whirlwind of feelings for him. And it worked.
For a little while, it worked. But the longer we continued to sleep together, the more difficult it was not to fall for him.
See, while Gabriel might be only using me for sex, he wasn’t a jerk about it. He always treated me as if we were real friends and he was always respectful…well, unless we were naked. When we were in bed together, all bets were off. Gabriel Buchanan was a dirty bastard in between the sheets.
The thing was, that except for his brothers (because they were abnormally close), no one knew Gabriel and I had been sleeping together. I had been Gabriel’s dirty little secret, and six years later, I still was. And now six years and one day later, I realized I didn’t want to still be.
I never questioned Gabriel about what he did when we weren’t together, and I wasn’t so naïve as to believe that he hadn’t been knee deep in females when he went off to Blaineview, but all this time later, Gabriel Buchanan was still the only man I’d ever slept with.
I looked down at my phone, and steeling my spine, sent off a text that would change my life.
No matter how much I loved Gabriel, it was time to experience what it was like to be in a real relationship with someone who loved me back.
