Page 11 of If You Could Only Feel
The next words out of my mind showcased just how much a fucking asshole I was. “That’s probably because I’ve never told her I love her.”
Michael’s whiskey shot out of his mouth and across the carpet. He turned towards me, green eyes that matched mine, big as saucers.“What?!”
I shrugged a shoulder, feeling like a jackass. “It never came up,” I excused, lamely.
His furrowed brows shot towards his hairline. He set his glass on the bar and peered over at me. “Are you seriously telling me that you’ve been with Justice for over six fucking years and love’s never come uponce?” Michael looked utterly shocked. “How does that even happen?”
I knew it made me sound like a tool, but the fucker could prioritize a little here. Couldn’t he see I was a goddamn mess? “We haven’t talked much these past four years,” I snapped. “I hardly got to see her and so I spent most of our time together buried between her thighs, Mike!”
He still looked confused. “Okay,” he conceded. “I get that, but what about high school? You guys were friends for a year and more than that for two more. Why didn’t you tell her then?”
I tossed back my fourth glass and what ensued next looked like a ridiculous tug of war between children. Michael reached for the bottle before I could pour a fifth glass and I wasn’t about to give up the bottle that easily. “Give that back, goddamn it!” I barked.
“You’ve had enough,” he parented.
“The fuck I have, Mike,” I argued. “It’ll be enough when I’m passed the fuck out and can’t think about this shit anymore.”
He wrenched the bottle away, and I seriously contemplated beating the shit out of my twin to get it back. But I knew deep down if I everdidkick Michael’s ass it would be because he let me. Michael was fuck all dangerously lethal when angered. “Answer the fucking question, Gabe.”
I cracked my neck, tilting my head to one side then the other. “You know better than anyone how skittish she was when we first met. It took me a fuckingyearto even get her to let me fuckingkissher, Michael. Hell, it took memonthsto convince her we were friends before finally convincing her to be with me. How do you think she would have reacted if I had told her I was in love with her one week after meeting her?” I didn’t wait for his reply. “I’ll tell you how she would have reacted. Justice would have run for the fucking hills and never looked back.”
Michael’s face softened. He nodded once, knowing I was right. “Yeah, man, but six years later?”
My jaw clenched as I gritted my teeth. “She’s never said it to me, either, Michael. So, I’m not the only one here,” I pointed out.
His eyes narrowed, and I swore he wanted to deck me. “I don’t understand how you could be so good at reading people but suck at recognizing anything about Justice.”
I scoffed, clearly offended. I kneweverythingabout Justice. Well…I thought I did. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Jesus Christ, Gabriel,” he muttered incredulously. “How am I the only one with no female experience, girlfriend or otherwise, but you three have no clue what to do with the women in your lives?” I knew he was referring to Mason’s fuck up with Shane and Aiden’s fuck up with Denise.
“Oh, I don’t know, Oh, Wise One,” I deadpanned.
Michael rolled his eyes at me. “You’re a Buchanan, Gabe,” he pointed out, needlessly. “Whether it’s deserved or not, that entire town worships our last name. Justice was raised poor and lived in a goddamn trailer park for fuck’s sake. And even though there is nothing wrong with that, you don’t think she was just as intimidated by our last name as everyone else?”
I scoffed at the possibility. “Maybe at first, Mike, but we’ve been together for six years,” I reminded him. “If shewasstar struck in the beginning, she as fuck isn’t now.”
He cocked his head at me. “Look, Gabe, I can’t say for sure, because who knows what the hell goes on in a woman’s mind, but from everything you just told me, it sounds as if she really believes you guys have just been fucking all this time and…” Michael averted his eyes and I knew this was going to be bad. He sighed. “You keep saying you guys have been together for over six years, but Gabe, man…”
“Just fucking say it, Michael!” I snapped.
“Fine,” he glowered. “In all these six years that you’ve supposedly been with Justice, you have never, once invited her over to meet us, spend time with us, get to know us or even meet the girls. All the birthdays, weddings, parties, work functions, any of it, you have never, ever showed up with Justice on your arm.”
“That’s because Dad-”
“Dad’s reign of bullshit ended four years ago with Shane,” he pointed out. “What’s been your excuse since then?”
Chapter 7
Justice~
I threw my purse and travel case on the bed, and walking over to the floor to ceiling window, wondered what I thought I could accomplish by coming here.
After Gabriel left, and I cried myself to sleep Saturday morning, I had called my boss and asked him if I could cash in a couple of my vacation days. At first, I was worried about the last-minute request, but once I told him I only wanted Thursday and Friday off, giving myself a four-day weekend, Dr. Daughtry was fine with it.
So, I had texted Nathanial on Saturday and told him the truth about not being sure if I was ready to go on a date when I had some baggage I needed to unload first. He had surprised me with the sweetest laugh and then went on to explain that he was in the same boat. Friday night was his first attempt at getting over an ex-girlfriend, and even though he thought I was great, he still felt uneasy about trying to force the healing process.
We ended up talking for about an hour and came to an agreement that, if the timing was right, maybe when we were both ready, we could move on together.
