Page 43 of If You Could Only See
All three ofthem had been awake when I came home last night from Shane’s. And all three had witnessedthe mess I was. I had left our south side wall in a tattered messof falling drywall and debris. Once the storm had passed, Aiden hadcommented that he’d get it taken care of later today. I made sureto let him know to send someone over to Shane’s to take care of herwall, too.
“Come on,Mase. You’ve been in tightspots before. Hell, you’ve been handling the pressures of being theeldest Buchanan for years, juggling the abuse, school, girls,mom,us…what’s got you fallingapart now? We both know you’re not going to let that girl go, sowhat’s going on?”
Mike was right.I wasn’t going to let her go and I’ve handled all kinds of problems with ease before. The onlydifference was that, aside from my brothers, Shane’s feelings havebeen the only ones to matter to me and I couldn’t control them. Mybrothers were stuck with me, so no matter how heated a fight, we’dalways be tied together by blood. But I had nothing tethering Shaneto me permanently.
Maybe Ishouldget her pregnant. Then she’d never be free of meand she’d have to always forgive me when I acted like anasshole.
Fuck. Thewhiskey must be hitting me finally.
“So, what is it,Mase?”
“She thinks I’ma coward,” I finally admitted. “Even if I force her tostay with me, she’ll nevertrust me to take care of her. She might be with me, but she’llbelieve she’s alone.” The honesty in my words felt like I was beingsliced open. “Jesus, Mike, you didn’t see her tears. I can’t getthe sound of her sobs and her begging out of my goddamnears.”
And I couldn’t.
Itwas one of the mostexcruciating experiences of my life, having to witness how muchhurt I caused the woman I loved. A man who can turn his back on hiswoman in tears isn’t really in love with her. Because, your woman’stears, especially if they’ve been caused by you, is damn neardebilitating.
“Do you want us totalk to her?”
I let out apitiful laugh. “Hell, no. Shealready thinks I’m a coward. All I need is for her to think I’m afucking pussy, too. I can’t handle it, so I send my brothers to fixit for me? Yeah, no thanks,” I snipped out.
“What do you need usto fix?” Gabriel asked from behind us.
Christ,they must really be worried about meif they’re getting up early on a Sunday morning to babysitme.
“Shane thinks Mason’s acoward, and he’s not strong enough to choose her above everythingelse,” Michael, so helpfully, answered.
Gabe ploppedhimself on the armchairnearest to Michael and then let out a low whistle when he saw thevery used bottle of whiskey. “Are you?” he asked, and I wanted tosmash the bottle upside his skull.
“No,” I bitout. “I’m just giving her some space, while I figure out how I’mgoing to pay for school on my own.” I took another swig of liquor.“Maybe I can go back for my degree after she gets hers,” I mumbledto myself.
“I sayyou call Dad’s bluff,” Gabesuggested, as he pulled the bottle out of my reach.
I gave him apointed look. “He knows Idon’t care about myself. The second I call his bluff, he will goafter you guys. You’re sitting there telling me you don’t care ifhe cuts you off from every luxury you’ve ever known?” Ichallenged.
“It’s not likewe’re helpless,Mason,”Michael answered, instead.
“No, but you’re only18,” I reminded him.
“Do you reallythink if it came down betweenyou or Dad, we’d pick Dad?” Gabriel asked.
I let out adeep breath. “The point isthat I don’t want you guys to have to pick, Gabe. Our futures aretied together and I’m not going to make a decision about it withoutcontemplating all the outcomes.”
“You’reastupid fuck,” came Aiden’svoice from behind me.
Itwisted around to face him.“Is that so?”
Aiden made hisway around the couch and tookup residence on the coffee table. He took notice of the whiskeybottle before saying, “Yeah, that’s so.”
“I totallyagree,” quippedMichael.
I scanned thefaces of my three brothers.“Okay, then explain it to me.”
Aiden restedhis elbows on his knees andlean forward, making sure he had my complete attention. “You’reright, Mase. Our futures are tied to each other’s and BuchananIndustries has been reorganized to have four heads instead of justone. However, none of it will work if one of us abandonsship.”
“I don’t wantto be at BI if I have to do it underDad’s rule,” Gabriel chimed in. “I won’t doit.”
“Neitherwill I,” Michael added.
