Page 24 of Digit's Deflection
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? He actually said those words to you?”
“Yep, pretty much every day of my miserable life in that house.”
Releasing me, he paces away from me, stopping only when the opposite wall prevents him from going any farther. Turns and stares at me, although I suspect he doesn’t see me. There’s a faraway look in his eye that I don’t particularly like.
Without thought, I rub at the scar tissue on my wrists from the years of being abused by whatever rope my father chose to use in the moment. His eyes track to the movement and darken ominously.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but whatever it is doesn’t seem at all nice.”
“And you’d be right. It’s just as well you aren’t privy to them. So now I get why you freaked out that night, but why the oneeighty? What’s changed that you now want to be tied up? And what’s to stop you from having the same reaction?”
“Fair questions. I’d like to work through my trauma to try and heal from it, and I figured that facing the fear head on would help with that.”
He nods but says nothing more for a moment. Simply stares out the window at my back. As if coming to some conclusion on a decision only he’s privy to, he nods wordlessly, and his gaze snaps back to mine.
“Come with me,” he says, holding out a hand. I hesitate for a moment and feel wretched when I see his expression fall. “You’re probably right to hesitate. Maybe it’s best we don’t do this now.”
It takes a second to follow his train of thought. Nerves and a sudden, bizarre need to go with him overcome me. “No, actually. I thinkyou’rethe one that’s right. Whatever it is you have in mind, I’m willing to try with you.”
Treven’s face softens, and he comes over to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. He looks deep into my eyes, as if seeking the solution to the mysteries of the universe in their depths. Then he drops a sweet kiss on my forehead before sliding his hand down my arm. Taking my hand, he leads me in the direction of what I assume is his bedroom.
I try to breathe through those freaking nerves, and a bite of fear. This is Treven. He would never do anything to hurt me willingly or knowingly. Well, the boy I knew wouldn’t at any rate. But if I’m being fair, nothing about Treven the man that I’ve seen gives any indication that he would now either.
He stops at the foot of his bed, and his gaze traces my face. “Considering all that’s gone before, this might be a bit triggering. You have one of two options – you can breathe, communicate how you’re feeling, and I’ll help you breathe through theemotions, and we push through. Or you use a safe word, and we call the exercise off. Okay?”
“Okay,” I say, hesitating once again.
“Remember, this is a safe space, and there is no right or wrong decision here. Only what is right for you in the moment. If you absolutely need to stop and step away, then that’s what you do – no shame, no offense.”
“Okay,” I repeat.
“Okay.” Treven nods. “I’m going to ask you to trust me on this. If, at any time you need me to stop, all you need say is red. That’s all. It’s that simple.”
This time I simply nod.
“Princess, I’m going to need you to say the words out loud, so there are no misunderstandings. Do you understand what I just said? And do you agree to give it a go?”
“Yes, I understand. If I get scared but want to keep going, I need to communicate how I’m feeling with you out loud. And if I cannot keep going, I say the word red, and whatever’s going on in that moment stops.”
“Excellent. Yes. Ready?”
I shake my head, everything in me urging me to run. Instead, I hear myself saying, “As ready as I’m ever going to be.”
“In that case, prepare yourself. I’m going to bind your wrists, so I need you to find your center.”
Oh God, I’m not sure I can do this. I know I said I’d try, but the abstract and the reality are two very different beasts. Taking a series of calming breaths, I slowly hold my wrists out to Treven. My eyes feel huge as saucers in my face.
13
DIGIT
Liora looks like a lamb about to be led to slaughter. Her gorgeous grey eyes are huge, and the pupils are so dilated they about eat up the unusual color. I pull the shirt and T-shirt of my uniform off, leaving my chest bare. Taking one of her hands, I flatten it against my naked skin and cover it with my own.
“Close your eyes.” It takes her a second to comply, but she does. “Focus on and follow the rhythm of my breathing. Okay?” She nods.
We stand like that for a couple of minutes, and I feel the tension in her body begin to dissipate. Her own breathing is less choppy and begins to even out.
“That’s it,” I say. “I’m going to step away, but you keep going. Focus on my voice now.” Gently placing Liora’s hand at her side, I step away from her and go over to my closet where my Dom bag is stowed. “Inhale, two, three. Hold, two, three. Exhale, two, three. Hold, two, three.”
