Page 18 of Digit's Deflection
Unable to bear not looking into her gorgeous grey eyes, I step over to where she’s standing, photo frame tucked behind her back, and cup her cheeks in my hands. Using my thumbs under her jaw, I force her head up so I can look into her eyes so she can see my sincerity.
“I did, Li. I searched for the full four days before I had to leave for training camp. I didn’t even attend graduation so I could continue searching for you. But it was like you’d never existed. I even went to see your dad.
“He was so drunk out of his mind, I got absolutely nowhere with him. If there were any clues in your room, I completely missed them even though I tossed that room more thoroughly than the FBI ever could have. But you were just gone. No one knew. Or if they did, they never said.
“Eventually, I was out of time. I had to report for duty or risk disciplinary action. By the time I could come back to pick up where I left off, it was three months later, and there was nothing for me to follow up.”
10
LIORA
My heart skips a beat at Treven’s words.
Is it possible that I’ve been so wrong about this all along? I was nothing more than a kid when we were last together, and given my history, I could be forgiven for believing that he didn’t even bother to look for me.
Just like my dad. He declared my mother to be the love of his life all the years I was at home. Blamed me for her leaving. Punishedmefor her leaving. But not once did he actually make any effort to find her.
I came home from kindergarten one day and she was just gone, never to be seen again. My father belabored the fact until the day I ran away from home.
“You were just gone. Like you’d simply poofed into thin air. What was I supposed to do?” The pain so clear on Treven’s face is echoed in my heart.
“I was in North Chicago – near to the boot camp. That’s where we were going to go, so that’s where I ran to. I was there the whole time,” I whisper, unable to make my voice go any louder. The pain intensifies as I stand there, refusing to give in to more tears.
My heart squeezes at the change of expression on his face. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to bleed bloodlessly, but that’s the weird thought that pops into my head.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” His words are no more than a whisper either. We’re like two people standing in a public library, neither one speaking up. He stares at me for a heartbeat, then two. “Jesus.” Treven rakes a hand through his short hair, leaving it standing up at all weird angles.
Another beat, then two goes by, and without warning, he whirls away from me. Before I can fathom what he’s doing, I hear the sound of wood reverberating in the small room as he slams the door behind him.
I’m too taken aback by his abrupt behavior to take it in for long minutes. It’s as if my brain refuses to take anymore hits today. But when it does eventually sink in that he’s simply fucked off without a word, my legs collapse beneath me, and I land in a heap on the floor, the photo frame I’m holding digging into me.
Consumed by the pain in the region of my heart, I’m oblivious to the pain in my hands. In the safety of my own home, I give vent to all the hurt and feelings of abandonment that I’ve held in for so many years.
Rocking back and forth, I wrap my arms around my body as if to hold myself together since it feels like I’ll shatter into a million pieces if I let go. And I don’t think I’ll be able to put myself back together again if I do. Oh, it might seem as if I have, but there’ll always be a part of me that’s missing. And he’ll be walking around in the world, never to be mine again.
I’m vaguely aware of time passing from my position on the floor. Finally, when I’m no longer able to remain upright, I lie down there and stare blindly out the windows. My view is limited to a sliver of blue, and in a recess of my brain I register the sun setting and the sky eventually going dark.
And still I just lay there, too boneless to move. It’s as if my body has forgotten it has a skeletal structure. At some point I even become aware of my stomach grumbling, and yet, paradoxically, I’m nauseated by the idea of food.
And still I lay there.
A sharp rap on the door has me jerking with fright, but I couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge it, let alone get up from where I’m lying to see who’s there. It comes a couple more times, to the same response, so when I hear footsteps retreating, I think they’ve given up and gone away. At least, I hope they have.
Hearing nothing more, I can’t bite back the scream of fear when my front door opens. It never even registered when Treven left that he didn’t lock the door. And now it’s too late to do anything about it. So the relief is enormous when I see that it’s Treven standing in my living room, looking as if he’s been through the wringer. If I’m being fair, he probably has. At my own hand, no less.
“Liora,” he calls, a frown on his handsome face.
“Over here.” My voice is hoarse from the breakdown I had earlier, and I have to clear my voice to try again. “I’m over here.”
When he spots me lying on the floor, he dashes over to where I am. “Shit, princess, are you okay?”
“Yes. No.” And much to my chagrin, the tears start all over again. For someone who hates to cry, who was taught it’s a sign of weakness and manipulation, it’s frustrating not to be able to control it.
Dropping to the floor beside me, Treven gathers me close and holds me in his arms as the tears fall, and my nose runs. There’s no stopping all the emotion from pouring out in a stream of misery that runs down my face, and I’m desperately trying not to get any of it on his shirt.
“Just let it out, Li. I’ve got you. I promised you I’d always shelter you from the storm, and even though years have passed,the promise stands. Despite everything that’s gone before, I’ve got you.”
His words are like a hand cranking a tap open, and just when I thought I’d cry myself dry, I’m proven wrong. To the point that I can’t breathe. How is it possible for one human body to hold so many tears? A never-ending supply, it would seem. As my vision tinges with black on the edges, I become aware of naked skin beneath my hand.
