Page 24 of Gator's Gambit
Finally, Godric breaks the silence. “Fancy, look at me.”
“I am,” I say, knowing full well that’s not quite what he means.
“No. You’re pretending to look at me. Look me in the eye.Look at me.”
With nothing else for it but to do as he asks, I lift my gaze from the pulse beating a rapid tattoo in the hollow of his neck and allow it to collide with his. And the expression I see there has everything in me clenching with desire. Red hot passion, the likes of which I’ve never seen focused on me, burns bright in his eyes.
Never, not once in my entire lifetime, have I ever had a man look at me the way Godric is right this second. As if given the opportunity he would devour me completely. Obliterate me, leaving nothing but a quivering mess behind. And I would let him. I’d be helpless to do otherwise.
“Godric, I …” The words slip out, unbidden. I have no idea what exactly I’d intended to say, but maybe it was just my brain’s way of trying to diffuse such a highly charged moment before one – or both of us – combusts where we stand.
“I have run from my feelings for years. Buried them deep beneath meaningless hookups and searching for ‘the one’ out there – everywhere else but home. Because, under it all, I knew I had already found her. She’d been there all along. All my life. You, Fancy. You’re my ‘one’ – my person. My ride or die. I just never felt we could be, because of our situation.” Godric’s words dry up as he searches my eyes – what for I’m not sure. But then he continues to lay his soul bare.
“Now, after being injured in a mission that went bad so fast, I realize what matters most. And now that I know you feel the same, or pretty similar, to how I do, I’m not wasting any more time. This” — he gestures around the room — “is no quick, meaningless fuck. Not a means to scratch an itch before I disappear out of your life again for another few years.
“To me, this is the start of something I believe could be incredibly beautiful. The start to a ‘you and me’ – an ‘us.’ I knowwe’ve got logistical issues to resolve, but if we don’t give this a try, I know I, for one, will always regret it – will always wonder what could have been, had we been brave enough to give this a shot.”
He takes another step into my personal space, cups my face in gentle hands. “Will you give this a shot with me? Give us a chance?”
My entire body reacts to his words. There’s nothing he’s said that doesn’t resonate on a cellular level for me. I want this with every fiber of my being, and I’m so wholeheartedly in, there aren’t strong enough words to accurately convey this to him.
So I nod, vehemently. It’s pretty much the only response I’m capable of at this point anyway since I have a lump the size of a boulder in my throat from his impassioned plea. I’ve only ever seen Godric as the strong protector of the innocent – asmyprotector growing up. That gruff, tough exterior he shows the world. But this raw, vulnerable, open man before me? I’ve never seen him before, and I absolutely love seeing him this way.
I love that I’m getting to see the soft side of this strong man.
Taking a step back, Godric’s eyes trail down my mostly naked body. Just the tiny scraps of my underwear hiding the last little bit from his view. He licks his lips, his pupils eating up the whiskey brown of his irises.
“Undress for me, baby. Show me what you’re hiding and let me see all of your beauty.”
I swallow hard, praying my nerve doesn’t fail me now. This is it, the moment I always dread in a relationship. Getting naked with another person for the first time.
But this is Godric. The man who championed me always, no matter what. The man who protected me from others and myself when we were younger. The man who’s looking at me like he’s starving and I’m his next meal.
With one last, bracing deep breath I reach for the front clasp of my bra, pop it open, and allow the material to separate, letting the bounty spill out. If there’s one thing I’m blessed with, it’s curves – lots of curves. I’m most definitely not a skinny girl. I never have been, thanks to the medication I’ve been fed my whole life in an effort to “fix” me.
As I watch Godric’s visceral reaction to my body play out, once I’m naked before him, for the first time I thank all the deities I can think of for generously endowing me.
“Fancy …” He reaches out a hand. I’m surprised to see it’s shaking. “You’re –” A humming sound issues from his throat. “Exquisite, baby. You’re simply magnificent.”
“The scars all over my body tell a different story.” Before I can stop them, the bitter words spill out.
“No, baby, no. They don’t. Your scars tell a story of courage and endurance – what you’ve lived through and overcome. They tell a story of inner strength and fortitude. They’re a part of the woman that I both love and admire. And that just adds to your beauty in my eyes.”
I still at Godric’s words. Amongst all of them, one stands out above the others. Love. It’s still foreign to hear him say these words, the very ones I’ve yearned for years to hear him say. The ones I never thought he’d speak. But this is all so new and I’ve always been conscious of my body – not so much that I’m a curvy girl, but more because of the myriad of scars that mar my skin.
Godric has always been good at reading me. Now is no different.
“Yes, love you. That emotion I’ve been dancing around for years, but never been man enough to own up to. I love you with everything I am and will do until I draw my last breath. I’m all in, one hundred percent. If we do this, there’s no turning back. There’s only going forward, into a future that has an us in it.
“It will be an all-in commitment to you and your happiness. An all-consuming love that might potentially feel smothering at times because that’s who I am. You will be mine to protect, pleasure, and provide for. So, as we stand on the cusp of making love for the first time – because that’s what it will be for me – you need to be unshakably certain that this is something you want, because, like I said before, there will be no going back for me. No unringing of that bell, so to speak.”
I feel Godric’s words through my entire being. They resonate with me so deeply that my eyes fill with tears.
“Oh Pooks, no. I didn’t mean to make you cry. That was not my intention.”
Taking a bracing breath, willing the tears away, I give him what is probably a watery smile. “It’s only because your words are so beautiful, so passionate, and everything I’ve ever wanted to hear you say but never thought I would.” Another breath, this one to calm my now clanging nerves, and I repeat the one sentence I didn’t think I’d get to say to Godric in this lifetime because it’s such arushto be able to say them out loud. “I love you, Bean. I always have. I fell in love with that little boy who protected me so fiercely and championed me so wholeheartedly, even when he was too young to really understand who he truly was. That beautiful heart of yours has called to mine since before I fully understood what love is. And I’m willing, excited even, to explore this with you. See where things lead and find a way to meet each other in the middle and make it work.”
It's clear Godric is done talking when he yanks his shirt over his head, while simultaneously toeing his sneakers off. His hands go to his belt buckle where they stop. Looking up over at me, Godric gives me a sheepish grin. “Should probably slow this down a bit, no? I’m ripping clothing off like a wild man, and the thought dawned on me I might actually just be scaring you. Sorry, I’m a little eager, I guess.”
