Page 58 of Baring All
He rocks me from side to side, crooning softly in my ear as the scalding tears streak down my face. Ugly, painful sobs wrack my frame, making it difficult to breathe. All the pain, the fear, the self-loathing pours out of me. And through it all, Bear’s there, holding me up. Holding all the broken pieces together.
Rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back, he continues murmuring in my ear. “That’s it, let it all out. Let me have it, baby. Put that burden down and rest here in my arms for a moment.”
Time has no meaning as we stand wrapped around each other. The tears begin to slow, the sobs slowly turn to hiccups, and my head pounds from all the crying. Yet I feel so much lighter for having finally gotten it off my chest. I can only imagine how much of a mess I must look though.
“Sit. I’ll go get you some water.”
Instead of doing as I’m told, I watch him walk to the kitchen and fill a glass with water. He grabs some kitchen towels on his way back. Handing both to me, he divests himself of his camouflage jacket, takes a seat on the sofa, and then pulls me down onto his lap. Water sloshes over the rim of the glass onto the shoulder of his T-shirt, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. He only has eyes for me.
Time slows as I realize, in this moment, I’ve found home, my true north star. And it’s all encapsulated in this one amazing man.
25
BEAR
Her strength, her resilience in the face of hardship, her big heart – they’re all reasons, along with a million others, why I’ve lost my heart to this woman. I love that she’s tall enough to not force me to bend uncomfortably when I kiss her, but short enough to make me feel protective of her despite her being able to take care of herself, and others.
I love her laugh and that she finds my stupid jokes funny. I straight-up just love her.
My heart aches for her that she’s been carrying this burden, believing no man would love her for her perceived defect. Jesus, the man who would make her feel that way isn’t worthy of the title.
We sit in silence while Eloise catches her breath. When the hiccups finally subside, I ask, “You ready to talk about it, baby?”
At first, I don’t think she’s going to respond, but then she nods. Her gusty sigh ruffles the material of my T-shirt. “Part of the bleeding was caused by the irreparable damage done to my uterus. The bullet ripped it to shreds as it passed through, barely missing my spine as it exited. My surgeon tells me it could have been far worse. For the longest time, I’ve found that hard to believe.”
“And now?”
“And now, I’m reconsidering my thoughts on the matter.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I say, because I am. If I can give her a different perspective around this difficult topic, that makes me happy.
“So, in order to save my life, they had to remove my uterus and repair my liver.”
“What’s become of the bastard who shot you? I know you said you managed to hit him once and that crippled him. Where’s he now?”
“He died recently. From complications of his injuries, I’m told. I know I did what I had to do. It still sucks to know he died as a result of it though.”
“That’s what makes you such an incredible woman, you know that? That you feel bad for what happened to him as a direct consequence of his own actions.”
She shrugs but doesn’t say anything. Just lies quietly in my arms as I continue to rub circles on her back. “So what happens now we’ve declared our undying love for each other?” she eventually murmurs.
“We get married, adopt a passel of kids, and grow old together. I mean, I would have thought that’s obvious.”
Eloise slaps my shoulder. “Be serious for a second.”
“Whaaat? I am being serious.” I kiss the top of her head. “All jokes aside though, I’d like to, as my old boxing mentor would have said, court you. And one day, hopefully in the not-too-distant future, get married. Just because we can’t have children of our own doesn’t mean we can’t have them at all.
“There’s a bunch of kids who need a home, someone to love them. We can offer them all those things and more. I think you’d be an amazing mom. And God knows, I want to grow old with you. Wake up to your beautiful face every day I can for years to come. The question is, can you foresee a life as a military wife?
“It isn’t easy. At a moment’s notice I can be sent anywhere in the world, and I can never tell you where. You won’t know where I am, how long I’ll be gone, or if I’ll even make it back home to you. It’s not an easy life, but it’s mine, and I’d give anything to share it with you.”
Slipping her legs on either side of my thighs, Eloise straddles my lap. Our gazes cling for long moments, communicating emotions we’re not yet comfortable voicing. “Yeah, I really can. I want that with you. Heaven knows my job isn’t the safest one either. There’s always the risk I’ll walk out the door and never return too.
“But I’ve allowed fear to hold me back for far too long now. It’s time for me to take some risks, and there’s no one else I’d rather take them with than you. I never dreamed I’d find someone to love me as I am. Sold myself the story of being happy alone. That this life was all I needed. Until you came along and turned my world on its head. I love you, Xavier Dermot.”
Eloise leans forward and lays her lips on mine. The kiss is sweet and full of promise. I let her take the lead and show me how far she wants to take it. Opening up to her questing tongue, I taste the salt of her tears on her lips. I’m disappointed when she leans back. “Thank you.”
Perplexed, I ask, “For what?”
