Page 33 of Sassy Surrogate
“Answer me, Danica. What are you doing?”
In all the time I’ve known Heath, I’ve never seen him so mad. His hands are clenched so tight his knuckles are white. If he grits his teeth any harder, they’re liable to shatter under the pressure. And for the first time since I met him, I’m afraid of him.
He stalks toward me. “I’ve asked you twice. I won’t ask again.”
Backing up to get away from him, I stumble over a small ottoman. Before I can pitch over backwards, he clamps a surprisingly gentle hand around my arm to prevent me from falling.
Completely shaken, I drop down onto the ottoman. “Thank you,” I mutter inanely.
I almost landed on my ass to get away from him, and I’m thanking him for sparing me the fall?
His face suddenly ashen, he squats in front of me. “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”
Reeling with confusion, all I can do is stare at him as if he’s lost his mind. He’s gone from one hundred to zero so quickly I’m amazed I don’t have whiplash. As Heath smooths a hand over my hair, his eyes do a quick scan,I assume to reassure himself I am indeed okay.
“I’m sorry, I–” He stops, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, his tone so remorseful it brings a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. He pulls me against him, guiding my head to his shoulder.
We sit there like that as Heath attempts to comfort me while I cry. Finally, there are no more tears left, and all I can do is rest quietly, my head on his shoulder while he rubs a soothing hand up and down my back.
“Feel better?” Drawing back, I straighten in my seat but am unable to look him in the eye. He tucks a finger under my chin, lifting my head so I’m forced to look at him. Our eyes lock, his brimming with an emotion I cannot fathom.
Cupping my face in his hands, he leans as if to kiss me but stops shy of placing his lips on mine. My lips part involuntarily, and he takes advantage of the moment, closing the tiny gap between us. His kiss is intense, thorough. Hotter than any I’ve experienced before. Except for that one on my front porch back home.
Our tongues lick, taste, explore, duel for supremacy. Heath breaks the kiss, getting to his feet. He bends to pick me up, as if I weigh nothing, and carries me through to the bedroom. Dropping me back to my feet, he stands me beside my bed. I can see the moment he spots the clothes and bag lying there. His posture stiffens.
His heads drops, and he grips the back of his neck, squeezing. I hear him let out a harsh breath and know the moment is lost.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you back there, but I genuinely need to know what’s going on here, Danica. Please.”
It’s the plea in his tone more than the word itself that snaps me out of my silence and has me answering, “When you walked out on me at the clinic, I thought you’d changed your mind. I tried to reach you a couple of times on the phone, but your phone went to voicemail each time, so I assumed you didn’t want to talk to me. I intended finding a place for my family and me to stay while we wait for the baby to be born, and then I was going to head back to South Africa.”
A mix of emotions moves through Heath’s expressive eyes, but none I can identify with any certainty. He shifts things over on my bed as I watch, waiting for him to say something. Anything.
“Have a seat.” He moves to the single armchair in the corner of the room, picks it up, and brings it over to where I am. “We need to talk – there’s a lot I need to say to you, to tell you. But before I do, I need you to answer one question. And I need you to be honest with me. No bullshit, no playing coy. Just raw honesty.”
“I– okay.” I’m taken aback by the vehemence with which he speaks.
“Did you want to leave today? Or did you think it was something I wanted?” I go to answer him when he speaks first. “Honestly, Danica. I need you to answer honestly.”
This time when I go to speak, he holds his peace, but the gaze he levels on me burns with ferocity I’ve not seen previously. I take a deep breath and prepare to lay myself bare, figuratively speaking. It could potentially backfire on me, and the next few months will be strained and awkward. Or it could smooth things over.
“No. I didn’twantto leave, Heath. I thought it would make things easier if you had changed your mind and didn’t want me around anymore if I left without a scene.”
“Jesus. I really fucked up this morning, didn’t I?” His guilt is easy to see. “I’d like to share something with you that very few people know. Will you listen?”
“Yes. Absolutely. I’ll listen.”
My heart sings at this first sign of Heath being willing to open up to me. Maybe there is hope for us after all.
17
Heath
Ican’t believe I’m about to spill my guts to Danica. What I’m about to share with her is something only a select few know. The fear that she’ll reject me is front and centre in my mind, but if she does, then I guess she never was the person I thought her to be. Taking a deep, bolstering breath, I start to speak.
“My mother was my father’s second wife. She was his midlife-crisis trophy wife. His first wife decided, after twenty years of marriage, it was time to come clean with my dad and admit she’d hidden her true identity from him during their time together.
“She’d married him because it was what had been expected of her, and she’d been a dutiful daughter. But she couldn’t bear living a lie anymore and wanted to come out to the world, to honour her true sexual orientation. Having met someone, she wanted to be free to be with her.”
