Page 152 of The Single Dads Club
His nostrils flared. “You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that? You little shit. Fine.” He waved me away. “You go tell that to Jill.”
“Happily,” I grinned.
Once we agreed to the setup, I got rubbed down with bronzer, and then waited for my cue from Rick. Once Britney was relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub, I sauntered in, barefoot, dressed in just a pair of jeans. I hesitated briefly as feelings of uncertainty swam inside of me.You can do this, man.You have to.I got my feet working again and approached the jacuzzi. We shared a few tender kisses, and I rubbed her shoulders and neck, before moving on to her breasts. Then they captured a shot of me helping her from the tub before calling cut. My stomach was tied in a great big fucking knot, but I tried my best to ignore it.
We picked things up again once we were on the bed, and I was soon naked and pressed right up against her slick flesh. But I couldn’t feel a fucking thing. And I couldn’t escape my thoughts about the previous night with Alexa. She was so soft, so trusting that I wouldn’t hurt her. Being with Britney was the complete opposite. She thrust her hips against me, begging for me to move faster. A deep, nagging feeling boiled up, but I kept moving—hoping we were making this look real enough. But it wasn’t sexual relief that I was after. It was relief from the shame, guilt and remorse of hurting Alexa.
Realizing I didn’t have to be careful with Britney, I didn’t hold back. Pushing my hips forward, I faked it as best I could. The sound of Britney’s whimpers reminded me of Alexa. And holding the image of Alexa’s face in my mind, I faked my finish. But even now that it was over, relief didn’t come. And the disgust I felt with myself once we were done was almost all-consuming. I couldn’t even meet my own eyes in the mirror after when I showered.
“Hey, Rick,” I called out once I was dressed again. “I quit.”
“That’s just perfect,” he called back. “Fucking high maintenance.”
***
Ian arrived just as the game was about to start.
He scanned my coffee table and gestured to the six-pack of beer and takeout pizza box with a frown. “Hey man, where are the wings?”
I shook my head. “Not in the mood.” It would remind me too much of Alexa. Damn, watching her sweet mouth tear the meat off the bone and her pink tongue darting out to catch a drip of barbeque sauce…no, there would be no wings tonight. Maybe not ever again.
He sank to the couch, grabbing a beer.
“Have you been working much?” We both knew he wasn’t asking about construction. We typically kept adon’t ask, don’t tellpolicy when it came to me dabbling in porn, but I’d let it slip that Alexa had left me over it, and that was why I’d been so miserable.
“Nope. I paid off the bills I needed to, and now I’m keeping myself out of all that shit.”
He nodded, sipping his beer. “And Alexa?”
I pulled my mouth into a tight line and shook my head.
“Still? Damn you’re stubborn.”
I drained my bottle and reached for a fresh beer, keeping my eyes glued to the play. “How am I stubborn?”
“Because you’re telling me you’re not doing porn anymore…and the reason Alexa left you was because you were doing porn…”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled, picking at the label on my bottle.
“And do you not see how stupid that logic is?” Ian shook his head. “Go after her, bro. Quit being a fucking pussy.”
“Drop it, man. It would never work between us anyways.”Would it?
No… there was no way. I guess I’d just have to learn to live with this aching, emptying feeling in the center of my chest.
Chapter 19
Alexa
MacKenzie and I were sitting in my living room with two wine glasses on the coffee table and a bottle of Merlot between us. It had been a long week. I woke each morning with thoughts of Cade and Lily swirling in my head and went to bed each night with tears in my eyes. I missed them both fiercely, though I’d never admit that to Cade. What he’d done was unforgiveable. He’d strung me along, pretending to be this amazing guy—he met my parents for heaven’s sake—but worst of all, he’d captured my heart. It was exactly what MacKenzie had warned me about. Thank God there was noI told you so. She just listened when I needed to vent, and kept quiet when I didn’t want to talk, and she’d come over every night this past week to distract me. It had helped the tiniest bit. The ache was still there and I didn’t see it going away any time soon, but having her here was better than being alone.
After a few glasses of wine MacKenzie had begun trying to pump me for information about how Cade was in bed.
I wasn’t giving anything away. It was too painful to even think about.
She took another sip of her wine, cocking a hand on her hip. “Hell, I could be seven months pregnant with another man’s baby and I’d still want a piece of him.”
“Not helping.” I frowned at her.
