Page 50 of The Marrying Kind
As Cara talked about her white-picket-fence plans, I realized that I’d seen and done so much this year that would have blown my parents’ minds. Whale-watching off the coast of Seattle, bungee-jumping in Mexico. I’d crisscrossed the United States, hiking the Grand Canyon, visiting New York City, Boston, and Washington before taking off for Europe. I’d eaten the most delicious warm croissants at a bustling café in downtown Paris.
I’d spent a beautiful sunny day wandering the lovely markets in Berlin. I’d eaten at a five-star restaurant on the River Thames. I’d bought myself a silk scarf and a bottle of expensive perfume in Milan. I’d gotten drunk on champagne and watched fireworks from my hotel balcony a few weeks ago for something called Guy Fawkes Day. It had all been amazing, spectacular, life-changing ...
And at the very same time, I was a little jealous of Cara and her wedding plans. How happy and content she sounded. How she didn’t need to kiss the blarney stone or something equally as iconic each day to feel good, because she had something even better.Love.
Here I’d been all year experiencing things most people only dreamed of, and all I’d managed to feel was lonely. Now the holidays were around the corner, and the only place I wanted to be was six thousand miles away.
Dammit. That thought was becoming increasingly consuming, and it was getting harder to bury with the business of my adventures.
Ending the call with Cara, I knew it probably wasn’t wise to examine why I was happier at the little cottage in Kodiak Canyon than I had been any other place. I had big plans, and they wouldn’t be sidelined by a sexy mountain man and a warm fire.
I imagined Austen spending his evenings with the crew at the tavern. Noah would have entertained everyone with his guitar and his naughty lyrics. I was sure Natalie had brought some home-baked treat like pumpkin bread or lemon doughnuts. I imagined Austen’s sexy, understated smile as he enjoyed the music, the company, and the whiskey.
An unbidden thought popped into my head, and once it was there, I couldn’t shake it. I wondered if he’d indulged in more than just the desserts and the stiff drinks.
I’d always wondered if there had been something more than friendship between him and CJ. I’d noticed the way her eyes followed him when he wasn’t looking. I couldn’t blame her ... Austen was a whole lot of man. Maybe they’d both gotten tipsy and sneaked off together. I imagined her fingers fumbling with his belt, stroking the hair on the back of his strong neck as she drew him closer. Austen’s sure and steady hands moving over her skin ...
But jealousy wasn’t a good look on anyone, and I refused to partake in the juvenile what-ifs spinning through my brain. With a halting breath, I pushed the thoughts away.
I wasn’t with Austen—I’d made that abundantly clear to him when I left, which meant he was free to sleep with whoever he chose. No matter how much the idea of that stung. I’d been the one to push him away. I had plans, places to go and things to see.
Deciding I couldn’t sit around anymore, I grabbed my laptop and powered it on.
Being here in a foreign country where I knew no one and had nothing suddenly seemed so pointless. Back in Kodiak Canyon, I had someone who cared about me. I might not have family anymore, but I had Austen. He wanted to be my future, he’d made that abundantly clear, even after all these months apart.
Part of me knew he would welcome me back with a warm fire and a hot kiss. But the other more needy part of me wondered if perhaps he’d grown tired of waiting and moved on.
Thoughts of CJ, with her ample curves and her quick wit, popped into my head again.
Austen wasn’t going to wait around for me forever; he wanted to settle down with the right girl. But maybe he wasn’t taken yet. He was still asking me to come for Christmas. Surely, that meant there wasn’t some new girlfriend around ... at least, I didn’t think so. He never mentioned anyone.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was searching for flights back to Colorado.
21
BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN
Ella
This was probably insane. And ten kinds of stupid.
But there I was, pressing the pedal to navigate a rented SUV up the side of a snowy mountain road in the dark cold night. Even if my brain was overthinking this at a near professional level, my body was offline, no longer taking orders from my doubt.
Soon, I was standing in front of Austen’s cabin at midnight Christmas Eve.
We hadn’t seen each other in person in almost a year, but we talked on the regular still, so that was something.
Enough to turn up unannounced in the middle of the night? No, probably not. But ask me if I cared.
I supposed he could have a woman here. There wasn’t a second car in the driveway, except my rental. But that wasn’t conclusive evidence.
Was I really going to chicken out now? I was at the door, for crying out loud. Time to put my big girl pants on. Go for the big crazy romantic gesture.
I laughed out loud to myself at the thought.Time to addbig romantic gestureto my bucket list.Here goes nothing.
I raised my fist and knocked on the door. Then I practically held my breath as I shivered on the snowy steps.
My heart ping-ponged inside me as I heard the distant sound of heavy footsteps, followed by some kind of clicking sound. Then there was Austen’s figure distorted by the small square of glass, but distinctly holding a shotgun.
