Page 54 of Hot Blooded
Instead, though, I watch his throat as he swallows. His jaw clenches, like he’s locking himself away. When he speaks again, his tone is hard, changed. “It’s part of my past, and happened more than a hundred years ago. But the lesson was learned. I cannot take a human partner. I’ve been foolish to let us fool around this long, honestly. I’ve been selfish and greedy and reckless.”
“Reign, we need to talk through this,” I mumble, not even sure my words make sense.
“What did you think was on the second-floor west wing? Ever wonder why you’ve never been there?” he practically spits the words at me, as if I’m his enemy. His tone slices me in two.
“No. What could possibly be so bad, Reign?” I challenge, although my resolve is quickly faltering. I feel like the floor is moving beneath my feet.
“Her things. Her books and clothes and pictures I can’t bear to part with.” A deep frown tugs the corners of his lips halfway down his chin.
I can’t help that immature feeling of jealousy that creeps over my heart, wishing he could love me like that. But it’s instantly replaced by pity. He loved a woman that much. Somuch that he’s kept all her possessions for over a hundred years, moving it all around the world with him.
I want to argue that everyone dies at some point, perhaps even vampires. I stay silent instead, hoping he’ll continue.
He makes a pitiful sound in his throat and rakes a hand through his hair. “It nearly destroyed me.”
He pauses for a long time, staring out the window.
Finally, I brave a conjecture. “If you don’t turn me, I will die one day. And it will be very soon compared to your sense of time. Don’t you see, Reign? The answer is right there. If you want to keep me, you have to turn me.”
His eyes meet mine, his face softening. Head shaking. “No. No, sweetheart. I know that’s true. If you left me, I would miss you for all of my days. But sometimes things don’t work out as planned. I can’t risk dying on you. If I were to turn you, you’d have a lifetime of solitude. Everyone you ever loved would be dead.”
“I think…” I start to argue, but he cuts me off.
“You deserve a normal life, a mortal husband…” He pauses, a pained look on his face. “…and a baby someday.”
“Can vampires have babies?” I have wondered, but haven’t yet asked him, and I can’t find much information on the matter. A little sliver of hope blooms inside of me. I do want to be a mother one day…
“No.”
His words hurtle through me, hollowing out my chest. Even though we’ve not slept together yet, and he’s never even said heloves me, the fairy tale I’ve been spinning in my mind shrivels as I lose the possibility of having his imaginary baby.
Finally, I shake it off. “We can become parents.”
Reign gives me a sad little smile. “How exactly would that work?”
I press him, moving closer to him once more. “The old-fashioned way,” I reply cryptically.
He raises an eyebrow.
“Adoption.”
“Oh.”
Chapter 28
Reign
Seeing the heartbreak on Tressa’s face, it makes my heart hurt even more, if that’s even possible. I feel like I’m standing on the ledge of a tall building, about to fall, or be ripped in two. Even though I’ve been missing having those strong feelings for the past few decades, I don’t want this kind.
Maybe the numbness was a good thing. It blocked the pain of Daniella, which weighs like a ton of bricks on my heart. Should I have kept all her stuff all these years? No, I couldn’t bear to part with it though. Somehow, with Tressa right here next to me, it feels odd to have it still.
After our conversation went off the rails, crashed, and effectively burned to the ground, Tressa excused herself to her room. Now, all I can think about is what she’s doing. I wish I would have asked her back to my room. It’s not too late though, is it?
It’s one o’clock in the morning. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe she’s decided to go home. Maybe she’s packing her bags right now? Since I won’t be getting any sleep tonight, I throw a robe on over my shoulders and slip from my room, finding my way through the dark halls, stalking like a silent predator, to her room. When I reach her door, I stop outside it and listen. Of course, the doors are thick and there’s no sound.
Nerves rack my body as I wait silently. Do I knock and disturb her? Before I can even think it through, I’m doing it, knocking softly at her door in the middle of the night.
I hear a little startled squeak from the other side, then after a few moments, the door pulls open. The light is on inside and floods the hallway. She looks sleepy but still radiant dressed in a cotton nightgown.
