Page 14 of Make Me Yours
“Are you okay?” Cohen asked.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he took my hand and turned to face me. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I know you’re not looking for a relationship.”
I sensed he was trying to find the right words, but it was also something more.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun though, right?”
He let out a ragged breath. “You’re toxic to my willpower,” he whispered, as if talking to himself. “Growing up with a single mom, who was only a teenager when she had me, she drilled into me to never to get a girl pregnant. The way he left her… God.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” He stared up at the ceiling and pulled in another breath. “I vowed to make something of myself. I’ve been working full time since I was fifteen, became a volunteer firefighter when I was eighteen, and I vowed to never treat a woman the way my mother was treated.”
“Cohen, I don’t understand. I’m not worried about getting pregnant, I’m on the pill.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I…”
“Cohen?” I placed my palm flat on his stomach. “Tell me.”
“I’m waiting for the girl I love.”
“Waiting?”
“Waiting,” he said firmly.
Oh, fuck. Waiting! I felt like the breath was knocked out of my lungs. A virgin? This good-looking, beautiful man? Was there something wrong with him I was unaware of? Deformed? Small package?Oh, please don’t let him have a small package.
I pushed away the crazy thoughts swirling inside my head. It was an honorable thing he’d chosen. He clearly loved and respected his mother, and he didn’t want to repeat his father’s mistakes. But wasn’t this a little extreme? I didn’t know anyone who’d chosen to remain celibate for so long. Well, except for Ashlyn. She once admitted to me she was a virgin until she was twenty-two.
“Eliza? Say something.”
“Are you waiting for marriage?” I asked.
“No. I’m, just waiting for the right girl, I guess.”
I knew it wasn’t an idea I should even entertain, but part of me wondered if I could be the right girl for Cohen, if I would be his first. I pushed the thought away as quickly as it appeared. He and I were interested in two very different things. I couldn’t allow myself to get attached to anyone. And Cohen wanted the full package. Love, romance, marriage. He was more traditional in his views, maybe because he grew up without all that. I knew no one could make me happy but me and to not put stock in something that might not last.
He picked up my hand and laced his fingers with mine. “I just wanted to be up front. Other girls have had strange reactions and gotten pissed…” he tapered off.
“They’ve gotten mad?”
“Yeah. One girl I went out with a few times last year got pissed when I wouldn’t and she started screaming at me and left in the middle of the night.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” He traced his finger down the length of my forearm.
Hm. I could see his choice hadn’t always been an easy one, but he’d stuck to the decision he made. It was commendable, even if I couldn’t understand it. “Well, thank you for telling me.” I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. I wasn’t sure what this new information meant between us.
He took my face in his hands and brought my mouth to his, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “Goodnight, Eliza.”
“Night.” I laid back and closed my eyes, but there was no way in hell I’d be falling asleep anytime soon with all this new information swirling around inside my brain. Not to mention the weight of Cohen’s warm body next to mine and his steady deep breaths were a constant reminder of something I could never have.
Chapter 5
I needed an appointment with Stu the following day. Desperately. Lying all night next to the sexy-but-oh-so-off-limits Cohen had me all worked up.
I showered and dressed at my place after leaving Cohen lying in bed, grabbed a large iced Americano on my way, and arrived a few minutes early for a meeting with my advisor. I used that time to text Stu about meeting up at his office later.
I was on edge all day long and my afternoon appointment with Stu couldn’t come fast enough. I knew he couldn’t completely satisfy me—not when what I wanted was Cohen—but it was something to take the edge off.
