Page 27 of Breaking the Rules
“Tell me.” I lean in closer. “Tell me whatever it is you need to say. Tell me why we wouldn’t work.”
Her schedule is busy, sure, but so is mine. I’ll take what I can get and I’ll never pressure her. I know how important school is.
Essie clears her throat. And then she begins. It’s with an incredible sense of calm that she relays to me the facts of her life. There are no tears as she tells me that her mother left when she was three years old, and her sister was just a newborn. No hiccupping sobs when she explains that her father, who had raised her, had never been one for hugs or I love yous. No halting breaths when she tells me that he went to prison two years ago for tax fraud. Apparently, he’d been into some shady business practices.
And I play the part well too, I don’t gasp or recoil in alarm. I just sit beside her, listening to everything and rubbing the back of her hand with my knuckles.
She saves the bombshell for the end—the real reason she’s gun-shy when it comes to relationships. Her ex-fiancé had started sleeping with her sister. Camyrn is pregnant and due any day, and Essie said for her own sanity, she’d had to cut both of them out of her life for a while. I don’t judge her for this at all.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. That’s a lot,” I say when I think she’s finally finished.
She glances up at me and meets my eyes. We’re both quiet. The toy now sits on the bed beside her. “I guess it is, isn’t it?”
I lift one hand to her face and stroke her cheek. “None of that is going to scare me away. I still want a shot with you.”
Her gaze drops from mine. “Well, it scares me okay? I promised myself I was going to take a long break from men and that I would not get tangled up with some guy again and it’s what… nine months later and I’m ready to cast that vow aside and why? Because the sex is good between us?” I flinch. “I’m sorry, Preston. I just can’t. I respect myself more than that. If I can’t keep a promise I made to myself,” she shakes her head, “I just can’t do this, okay?”
And because I don’t want to be the cause of any more of her pain, I say, “Okay.”
Essie rises from the bed, grabs the toy and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
I release an agonizingly slow breath. My first thought is, about how I want to get really hammered on tequila shots. Then I realize the whole night I’d meticulously planned is ruined.
The girl I’d been so desperate to get to know—to peel back the layers on—has a lot more hard edges than I realized.
Essie has lived a hard life. She’s young, but she’s already endured more than most people twice her age.
I couldn’t get over how exceptionally calm and composed she remained throughout our talk. She had the strength of ten women and quite honestly, all that little talk did was make me fall for her even more.
Forget the tequila. All I want is for Essie to see herself the way I see her.
7
ESSEX
Back inside my bedroom, I close the door and let out a huge sigh. I never let people in—never spill the dirty secrets of my life—ever. And believe me, I’ve come close a few times. There have been friends in college I’ve gotten close to, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth it. But telling Preston about my dad and sister and Kyle and the baby…all I feel is relief. Someone finally knows the truth. If he hates me now or looks down on me, that’s on him. I’ve spoken my truth. I tuck my fleshy-friend who I’ve lovingly nicknamed Bob back inside my nightstand drawer.
Since my evening plans are now ruined, I slip off my shoes and grab my laptop bag before settling on my bed. I might as well get some studying done. I have three chapters to read for my comparative mythology class—which I took because I thought it’d be a fun elective—boy, was I wrong. And I also have a paper due in my economics class next week that I haven’t even started yet. I pull my materials from my bag just as there’s a knock on my door.
I figured Preston would leave me alone the rest of the night—probably even give me a wide berth tomorrow too. But it’s been what, four minutes and he’s already knocking on my door. Am I really ready to face him? But what’s my alternative—climb out the bedroom window?
My pulse quickens. “Come in,” I call.
Preston opens the door, but doesn’t enter. He just stands in the doorway gazing at me with a dark expression.
• • •
PRESTON
I couldn’t just leave this thing alone between us—which is why minutes after Essie shut me out, I’m knocking on her door.
“Come in,” she calls.
I open it and my lungs stop working. She’s beautiful. Sitting on her bed with a pen in her mouth and textbooks spread out all over in front of her.
I do what any desperate man would do—I start blurting things out.
“I know you think your life is too complicated, but it’s not. Not for me.”
