Page 61 of The Rookie
But lately, it feels like everything in my life has turned bitter. When she left, she took any bit of leftover sweetness with her. All the softness is gone, replaced only by hard edges. All of her sunny smiles and those sweet kisses and her gentle concern ...
But I can’t focus on that right now, because I’m preparing to walk into a conference room at the Elite Airlines Stadium in Boston for a meeting with my coach.
I adjust my tie and check my watch. I’m five minutes early because Coach appreciates punctuality. See? I have learned a thing or two during my suspension.
Taking a deep breath, I wrap my hand around the doorknob, telling myself that I’ll be okay with whatever happens next. Only I’m not sure that’s entirely true.
When I enter the room, I find Coach Wilder seated alone at the conference table.
For a moment, I pause and blink at him. I expected there would be other people here—several members of the coaching staff, maybe that lady from player safety, perhaps even someone from the league. A tiny part of me held on to some hope that maybe Summer would be here at this meeting too. Of course, I’m not so lucky.
I built it up in my head, imagining what I might say to her if she were here. Pictured her lips tilting up in a smile at me from across the room. Thought about how it would feel to have her bright eyes directed my way again.
Those thoughts got me through the past few days. But of course she’s not here, and she’s not coming.
Coach Wilder, oblivious to my inner turmoil, stands and extends his hand. “Tate. Welcome back, kid. You’re looking good. You feel good?”
I clear my throat. “Is it just us, or ...”
He motions to the door just as it’s opening again. In walks Les, the front office manager, and we all take our seats as Les apologizes for running late. He puts his phone on silent and then turns his attention to Coach.
Coach exhales slowly and fixes me with a concerned expression. “Well? How was your time away?”
I straighten and respond with the word my agent told me to use. “Productive.”
Coach nods and his brow relaxes. “That’s good to hear. And your family?”
I force myself to smile. “Everyone’s doing as well as can be expected.”
Coach nods again, and Les discreetly looks at his watch. This is the man Summer regards as a sort of father figure in her life, though I’m not sure he even realizes it. Part of me wonders if I should say something to him. Let him know how important his guidance has been for her, then I decide against it.
Coach taps the conference table with his knuckles. “Let’s get down to it. Your therapist sent in her report, clearing you to play.”
I nod my understanding and shift in my chair, my tie suddenly too tight. “So ... that’s it? I’m good?”
Coach’s eyes narrow. “You feel ready to return?”
“Absolutely.”
If I’m not here to play hockey, there’s no reason for me to be here in Boston at all. And if Coach thinks I’m going to grovel, then he doesn’t know me very well. There’s plenty to keep me busy back at home.
“Then go warm up,” Coach says with a grin.
We have a game tonight, and I had no idea if I’d be playing in it or not. I guess that answers that.
“Yes, sir,” I say, rising to my feet.
• • •
I had time for my entire pre-game ritual, but going through the motions felt off, like I was doing things underwater.
Tonight probably won’t be my best game, but what I lack in skill, I’ll make up for in determination. I wonder if Summer is aware of my return, if she’ll watch tonight’s game on TV. Just the idea that she might will be enough to push me.
I skated for a while before riding the stationary bike for twenty minutes to loosen up my legs, and then I stretched and grabbed a protein shake. Now I’m in the dressing room listening to one of my teammates, Lucian, announce to everyone that his wife is pregnant. There are cheers and congratulatory remarks, but inside, I feel hollow and more alone than I ever have. Knowing I don’t have a wife, a baby on the way… let alone a girlfriend, after I’d come so close with Summer, is a depressing one.
Saint pauses beside me and claps a hand on my shoulder. “Good to have you back, brother.”
I nod once. “Good to be back.”
