Page 129 of Lucas
“I wasn’t talking about your father.” The muscle in his jaw ticks, his expression turning resolute, determined. There’s a fire in his gaze, a heat that scorches me to my core.
“I don’t have any other family. My mother is gone, and I’m an only child.” I shake my head, not understanding what he’s getting at.
“No, but you have me.”
I sit up, pulling the sheet up to cover my body, my heart slamming against my ribs. “Lucas?”
“I love you, Ava. I’m in love with you.”
The world seems to still, to hold its breath.
I shake my head again, harder this time, panic clawing at my throat. “No. Don’t lie to me. Not about this.”
“I’m not lying. I could never lie about this, about how I feel. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, for longer than I even realized.” He visibly swallows. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear it from me, that you could ever return my feelings, but I can’t sit here and allow you to think no one loves you, that you’re alone in this world. Because you’re not. You have me. I love you, Ava. With everything I am, with every beat of my fucking heart.” His voice is raw, urgent, cracking with emotion.
“Don’t just say things like that to me. Not if you don’t mean them. I can’t...I can’t take it.” I’m crying now, the tears streaming down my face in hot rivulets. I don’t wipe them away. What’s the point? They just keep coming, a never-ending flood of pent-up pain and longing.
“Ava, look at me. Please, just look at me.” He reaches for me, his hands on my arms, tugging me closer. I resist for a moment, then let him pull me to him, too tired to fight it anymore. Too desperate for his touch, his warmth.
He takes my face in his hands, his thumbs sweeping over my cheekbones, smearing the tears. His eyes are luminous in the dim light, shining with a fierce, unwavering love that steals the breath from my lungs.
“I’m not just saying this. This isn’t some platitude or empty words. I love you, Ava. I love you with a depth andintensity that fucking terrifies me. I love your strength, your resilience, your huge, compassionate heart. I love your sharp mind and your quick wit, the way you always keep me on my toes. I love how you challenge me, push me to be better, to want more. I love your smile, your real smile, the one you keep hidden from the world. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh and the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking hard. I love your scars and your fears and your flaws, every imperfect, beautiful inch of you. I’m in love with you, Ava. Utterly, completely, irrevocably in love with you. And I’ll say it as many times as it takes, in as many ways as I can, until you believe me.”
No one has ever said anything like that to me before. No one has ever looked at me like this, like I’m precious, cherished. Like I’m everything.
“Lucas, I...” I trail off, my voice strangled, the words tangled on my tongue. I want to say it back, to tell him how much I love him, how much I need him.
But I can’t.
The words won’t come, trapped behind the lump in my throat, the vice around my heart.
Because how can I accept his love, knowing what I know? Knowing the secret that could destroy us, destroy everything?
My father stole from Valeur. Embezzled millions. And I’m an accomplice, whether I knew it or not. I’m complicit in his crimes, in his betrayal.
And when Lucas finds out it will break him. Break us.
“He told me he loves me,” I confess to Cora. We’re sitting in her living room, and she spills the tea she was just pouring all over the table.
“Shut the front door!” she screeches, jumping up to grab a towel. “Wait until I’m done pouring before you drop bombs like that.” She mops up the mess, then sets the teapot down with a clatter. “Are you serious? He actually said those words? That he loves you?”
“Yes.” I nod, twisting my hands in my lap, my heart fluttering at the memory.
“And did you say it back?” She plops down across from me, her hands gripping my knees as she leans forward, her eyes wide and eager.
I shake my head, my throat tightening.
“You didn’t say it back?” Her mouth falls open. “But you do love him. It’s so obvious. Anyone with eyes can see it. Why didn’t you tell him? God, you’re good at self-sabotage, aren’t you?” She shakes her head, exasperated.
I try to smile, but it feels more like a grimace. “I wanted to, but the words just wouldn’t come. I couldn’t force them out.” I lower my gaze, picking at a loose thread on my pants. “It was awful of me, wasn’t it? Not to say it back?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty shitty. But also understandable. You’ve been hurt a lot. It’s hard for you to open up, to make yourself vulnerable.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand, her touch warm and comforting.
“Is it that obvious? That I’m in love with him?” I ask, my cheeks heating.
“To me, it is. I’ve known for a while now. Probably before you even realized it yourself.” She grins, a knowing glint in her eye.
“What if he didn’t mean it? What if he regrets saying it?” The doubts swirl in my mind, insidious whispers that I can’t quite silence.
