Page 39 of Tangled Hearts
I check it off. “It was really cold. Snowing, actually. The end of January.” I close my eyes for a second, remembering how scared I was. How fucking worthless I felt. How alone. I never, ever want to feel that alone again. “Beck and Roman fostered another friend of mine, Liam. He told me to come here, and I did.”
Nic looks at me for a second, nods slightly, and then his attention is back on the table. “Custom-made quilt. Your choice of fabrics and design.”
“It was terrifying,” I whisper. “Anyway, I was afraid to come in, but Roman was leaving early and found me. He brought me in, warmed me up, and fed me, then took me to Safe Haven and brought me home with him two days later. Sorry,” I add, trying to laugh a little, even though the pain of those early days is settling in my stomach like a rock. “I know it’s a lot.”
There’s a beat of silence, a freeze in Nic’s movement. Then he’s facing me and working the pen and now-crumpled notebook from my hands. I blink at him, slightly confused about the sudden shift. “Never apologize, doll. Not to me. Not ever, okay?” His tone is no-nonsense but laced with sincerity, and I find myself nodding. “Sit down.”
Nic pulls out a chair and I sink into it, my body going a little noodly at the quietly spoken command. I like when he does that. I don’t even know why. It just feels… freeing. Calming, almost. Of course I’ll sit. What else would I do?
Nic sits down in the chair opposite me, tossing the notebook on the table. There’s something really fucking unnerving about being the sole focus of his attention, but also, so amazing. Being the direct recipient ofthatstare withthoseeyes? Yeah, the jealousy over Dad is making a little more sense right now. “I’m here for anything you want to share. Big or small. Nothing is too heavy to carry.”
I laugh at that. I can’t help it. “I had a meltdown when I found out bio didn’t want me. Then I had a meltdown over reopening my busted lip and getting blood on my shirt.”
Nic doesn’t even flinch. “Seems fair, given all you went through.”
“I used to try really hard to be quiet and not take up space so Beck and Roman would want to keep me, and then when they still did, I acted out, trying to force a reaction.”
Nic gives me a sad smile. “That seems like a typical response.”
“Why did I want my bio dad to want me so badly? He kept me in filth. He hurt me. Huh? Why did I want that?” I don’t know why I’m telling him all this, if I’m trying to scare him off or what, but it doesn’t work.
He doesn’t look away. He doesn’t rush to answer me, just watches me for a second, then his warm fingers are touching my jaw. My heartflutters. “That’s normal too. You were a child. We’re hardwired to love our parents. To want their approval.”
I nod. I know that. Of course I do. I’ve only hashed it out with my therapist about eight hundred and thirty-six times. “Yeah,” I croak.
Nic hums. “I’m pretty fucking awed by you.”
What?“Why would you say that?”
“Because I am. You’ve been through shit that would break most people. I don’t even know the half of it, I’m sure. But you still walk around unapologetically yourself. You fight for kids like you. You spend your time being a light in the world. You dropped an entire day’s plans because a little girl needed you. That’s…” He trails off, swallowing hard, then he gives me a small smile. “This is going to be super cheesy and cliché, so bear with me, okay?” I nod, heart thrumming faster. “You became the adult you needed. And fuck, Eli. That’s something really special.”
My next breath feels a little strangled, and I’m not sure I trust my voice to speak, so I nod instead. The smile he gives me in return has my stomach going crazy and my heart doing the same.
“Do you want to have a quiet movie night tonight?” he asks, his eyes still boring into mine. I nod again. “Are you just going to keep nodding at me?”
“Maybe,” I whisper.
Nic smiles. It’s a really fucking nice smile. Slowly, he lets his thumb brush along my jaw. I watch as he takes a deep breath and lets his hand fall away. “Let’s finish this up, yeah?”
My skin is still tingling where he was touching me, and I’m pretty sure I’m having heart palpitations. I nod again, then almost laugh at myself for nodding. “Okay.”
We go back to sorting through things, settling into an easy rhythm. Even though I barely scratched the surface of my trauma and my lifebefore I met my dads, there’s something almost… light in my chest. I feel more relaxed. It’s a little wild.
We finish sorting through the vouchers and then start on the baskets, and by the time we’re done and everything is organized, the emotional moment from before is barely a thought in my mind.
Nic sits cross-legged on the floor and rests his head against the wall with his eyes closed. I use the opportunity to drink in his features. God, he really is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I shouldn’t think that, though, right? It’s probably inappropriate at best and crossing a major line at worst, but I can’t help it.
Nic pops an eye open, catching me staring, and my face heats. “We’re a bit of a dream team, huh?” he asks, lips turning up in a smirk.
“Don’t get a big head about it,” I mumble, looking away from him.
He laughs. “No worries there, doll.”
“What do you want to watch?” Nic asks the second we walk through the front door.
“I’m not picky.”
He laughs. “I’m not sure I believe that, but I’ll find something. Would you like to go get comfortable?”
