Page 122 of Tangled Hearts
I barely have time to stress because he strides toward me, eyes locked on mine and arms wide open. I drop Nic’s hand and stumble to him. Giant, warm arms wrap around me, and I bury my face in Julian’schest. “So fucking proud of you, Eli,” he murmurs, rubbing my back and squeezing the life out of me.
Tears spring to my eyes, my throat tightening. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”
He chuckles, pulling back long enough to tap my nose. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for that.” And then I’m back in his arms. Thank God he’s not mad at me. It’s one thing for Holden to say it. It’s something entirely different to get this type of reaction.
There’s nothing like a hug from Julian. Well, maybe a hug from Danny—Beck’s dad. They’ve got that same gentle giant, will squeeze you to death but also love you to death, teddy bear thing going for them. I love it so much. Uncle Julian used to scare me a bit when I was younger. Not like I thought he would hurt me, but when you spend your life feeling small and trying to make yourself smaller, having someone larger than life like Julian focus their attention on you can make you feel… too visible.
I let my arms fall, and Julian does the same, then he’s giving Nic the same treatment. “Thank you for coming to get me. Thank you for forgiving him. He was so worried about talking to you.”
Nic’s breath hitches. “There was nothing to forgive.”
Julian nods, patting Nic on the back. “Still, you mean a lot to us, and we want you to know that.”
“Okay,” Nic says with a little chuckle, pulling back from Julian. “Please don’t make me cry any more today. I’ve had enough.”
Julian looks a little puffy-eyed himself, if I’m being honest.
“Where’s Uncle Hold?” I ask.
Julian nods toward their room. “He’s lying down. He wanted a few minutes alone before he came out. He’s…” Julian sighs. “I think he’s a little worried about falling apart. It’s been a rough couple of days.”
My throat tightens. I hate this. I wish there was something I could do. I wish there was a way I could go back in time and save him from the horrors of what he lived through. Part of me thinks I should probably leave him be, but a bigger part of me wants to be with him. He’s never left me alone when I needed someone. “I’m gonna go lie with him for a bit if you think that would be okay?”
“I’m sure he’d love that.” Julian offers me a small smile. I turn, rising on my toes to kiss Nic, and then I tiptoe into Hold’s room.
He’s curled up in the center of his bed with the lights off and soft music playing from somewhere, but when I step inside and shut the door behind me, he sits up and looks at me. “Hey, little bestie.”
He sounds so emotionally done and exhausted, and it makes my heart hurt. “I was wondering if you wanted some company for a bit.”
He hesitates, like he’s weighing if he’s ready for that yet, but after a second he whispers, “Yes.” Then he’s holding the blankets up.
I climb in beside him and settle on the pillow next to him as he drops the blankets over us.
I’m not sure where he’s at emotionally, and I don’t want to fuck anything up, so I try my best to lie still and not touch him. But when he starts patting the bed between us, I offer him my hand.
For a long while, we lie in silence. The seconds tick by into minutes. And even when I hear my dads arrive, we still don’t move or even speak. Then Holden gives my fingers a squeeze and lets out a heavy breath. “I scared the shit out of Julian.” He scared the shit out of me too, but now doesn’t seem like the time to bring that up. “I keep thinking…” He trails off, letting out a humorless laugh. “When’s he going to finally decide I’m too much?”
That makes something twist in my chest. “You’re not too much.”
“He’s had to love me throughso much shit.”
“You know,” I murmur. “A long time ago, at a wedding with people I barely knew, someone told me that love exists and the right people will love you through everything. Willstaythrough everything. He told me that the family I was joining loved people to madness. Completely. Faults and all. And that there wasnothingI could do to break that love.” Holden’s silent for a minute. “I think about that all the time, you know?”
Holden huffs out a laugh. “Whoever said that sounds like a smart guy.”
I hum. “He was—is.”
“I don’t feel very easy to love right now,” Holden whispers, voice cracking.
I snort a humorless laugh. “Was I easy to love at first?”
Holden sits up abruptly, staring down at me. “Of course you were. What does that even mean?”
I shrug. “I was hard. Scared, I didn’t trust easily. I had a lot of big emotions. Did you get tired of reassuring me at every step?”
“Absolutely not.”
I shoot him a pointed look. He smiles, rolling his eyes, but then his face falls and he just looks… defeated. “I fought him, Eli. I fought the love of my life. What am I supposed to do with that? He keeps looking at me like… fuck, I don’t know… like he’s…”
