Page 112 of Tangled Hearts
“Breathe, Nic,” Silas urges, and I inhale a raspy breath.
“Something happened to him, but no one will tell me what. Not even Eli. And then I left him there. What if he doesn’t forgive me for that?”
Silas falls silent. “I’m not sure what you’re looking for here, Nic.”
Me neither, truthfully. I think I just needed a touch of normalcy. A piece of home. A home that doesn’t exist anymore. A place I rarely allow myself to long for anymore. Two kids running through the woods and swinging together. Whispering secrets in the dark and playing hide-and-go-seek. Teenagers talking about their first crushes and sneaking through each other’s windows. “I just needed my friend,Si,” I whisper. “For tonight. Just for tonight, can you be my Silas again?”
Silas swallows hard enough that I can hear it through the phone. “Of course, Nic. Anything you need.”
“I miss you sometimes,” I say, my voice barely audible. “I hate that I do, but I do. I keep finding myself wanting to text you. To tell you about my life. And I can’t. I hate that I can’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Silas whispers. “I miss you too.”
I wish he didn’t say that, but I think I kind of needed it. At least a little bit. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“Okay.” He sounds disappointed. “I’ll let you go. Call me anytime.”
“Don’t hang up. I don’t want to talk, but I don’t want to be alone. Can you just… stay on the phone with me? Please?”
Silas is quiet for a beat. “Yeah, I can do that.”
I nod, then lean back on the couch, closing my eyes. It’s still silent. Too silent. But for right now, I’m not alone.
“Wow. The couch is smart. I always just slept on the floor when the bed seemed too empty.” I startle awake, my head throbbing, to find Beck standing inside the door.
“Holy shit. You scared the fuck out of me.” I sit up, looking around the living room. “Is Eli here?”
Beck lets out a little sigh and shakes his head, sitting down beside me. “No. He’s still in bed with Roman.”
My heart gives a pang. Oh. Well, that makes sense. I nod, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re not happy to see me?” He puts a hand over his chest, feigning offense. “I’m gonna be your father-in-law someday, young man.”
That almost makes me laugh. I think my mouth even tries to do that, but instead, a sob comes out. And then another. I cover my face, bracing my elbows on my knees.
Arms wrap around me, and before I know it, I’m being pulled against Beck’s chest. “Hey, shh. It’s okay.”
It doesn’t feel very okay. Not even a little. I can’t quite get my mouth to say that, though. Instead, I just keep crying. This emotional upheaval doesn’t seem like it’ll ever end. I managed to make it through the whole night without crying, andnowI’m gonna lose it? Perfect. “Is Holden okay?” I finally manage to whisper. “Is Eli?”
Beck hums. “I haven’t talked to Holden, but Julian called this morning and let me know they both made it through the night. Holden has an appointment with his therapist today, and he needs time. Eli is… well, he’s as okay as can be expected. He slept with me and Roman last night. Had a couple of nightmares. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
But he shouldn’t have to be handling it. Not anymore. I promised Eli. And then I let him down. “I’m sorry.” I pull myself away from Beck. It doesn’t matter how good his soft comfort feels; it’s not something I deserve. I scrub at my face, trying to wash the tears away, but more just keep coming. “He already thinks he’s easy to leave, Beck. And I just proved him right. And that’s not even counting what I did to Holden. What I did to my relationship with him.”
Beck’s quiet for so long I’m sure he’s not going to speak at all. One single night. Two bad choices, and the family I just started feeling a part of is gone. Just like that. “Holden will want you happy.”
I shoot him a look, not sure I fully believe that.
He sighs. “Okay. For argument’s sake, let’s say hedoesn’tcare about your happiness, but I know he does. Don’t you think he wantsEli’shappiness?”
Well, okay… I guess I can’t argue with that.
“Whatever happened? Whatever triggered him? It’s not your fault. Or Eli’s. I’d bet my life it has nothing to do with either of you. Areyouokay?”
I let out a wet laugh. “Not at all.”
“You should have come home with us last night.”
I side-eye Beck. “Yeah? So Eli and I could both be in your bed?”
