Page 108 of Tangled Hearts
A scream jolts me out of my fitful sleep.
Roman sits up, clutching at his chest as he gasps and shakes.
“Swap spots with me, Eli,” Beck mumbles, half-asleep. I do, climbing over him and off the bed so he can scoot to the middle, and then I climb back in after him.
“Hey, beautiful,” he whispers, grabbing Roman and tugging him into his arms. “Come here. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
My heart cracks, my eyes welling up. I lie silently while Roman cries in Beck’s arms—his worry and grief spilling into his dreams, just like it does mine. The bed rocks slightly, and I can tell that Beck is rocking Roman back and forth. I can hear the low murmuring of his voice as he whispers to him.
I roll over and grab my phone, checking my messages to Nic. He hasn’t responded, but I send him another one.
Me
I’m having a really bad night. I wish I had come with you. I miss you. I’m sorry.
I place the phone back on the end table and scoot closer to Beck.
After what feels like forever, Roman’s sobs ease and his breathing evens back out.
I blink, and I’m standing in the hallway again.
Holden screams, but it sounds garbled, so I turn to look at him. Bile crawls up my throat when I do. Blood is pouring from his open mouth, down his chin, and into his tux, staining it red. His eyes are black, empty nothingness.
I try to run after him, but my legs won’t work. Why can’t I get my legs to work? I scream for him. Scream his name. Scream so loud my voice cracks.
I wake up sobbing.
“Eli. Hey, kiddo.” Beck’s soft voice washes over me, and I turn to him, pressing my face against his chest as my body shakes.
“I can’t do this. I can’t—I can’t.”
Roman stirs. “Nightmare?” he whispers, his voice crackly and ruined.
“Yeah, beautiful.” Beck holds me tighter, rubbing my back. “It’s okay. I’ve got him. Try to get some more sleep.”
“Not gonna happen,” he responds, reaching over Beck to squeeze my arm. “I’m sorry, kiddo.”
“Not your fault,” I choke out, shaking in Beck’s arms. “Can we call Uncle Julian? Please?”
Beck freezes. “It’s the middle of the night, Eli. If they’re asleep, I don’t wantto wake them.”
He’s right. Of course he is. “Okay. Alright. You’re right.” He resumes his gentle stroking of my back. “I’m sorry I’m so damn needy. I bet you didn’t think you’d end up with this shit when you adopted me.”
Beck lets out a broken laugh that Roman echoes. Beck leans back, and I glance up at him. “Oh no, our grown son loves and trusts us so much he allows himself to take comfort when he needs it. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us, Eli.”
I almost want to roll my eyes, but they already hurt from crying, so I better not.
Roman yawns. “He’s right. You’re not a burden, Eli. You’re a gift. One we thank our lucky stars for every single day.”
I sniffle hard, hot tears pouring from my eyes. “Okay,” I whisper. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too,” they say at the same time.
“I know it’s hard,” Roman says, giving my arm another squeeze. “But we really should try to sleep more.”
I close my eyes. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep anymore. And even if I can, do I really want to? Not if it means dreaming. I focus on my breathing. In and out. In and out. In and out.
My body relaxes, my heart slowing. I focus on the steady breathing from my dads and let sleep take me.
