Page 31 of Tangled Hearts
I glance down at my half-eaten plate of food. “I’m already pretty full. I just…” I wrack my brain for a believable excuse. God, I can’t believe I’m lying to my fucking brother right now. “I’ve had a headache for a couple of days. It’s affecting my appetite.”
Did I just lie about a headache to my nurse brother? Yeah, I really did.
Holden stares at me in silence, then slowly nods. “Okay. Well, at least let me get you some leftovers. You can take some to Eli?”
Relief washes over me. “Yeah, absolutely.” I stand and rush through taking my plate to the sink and cleaning it off.
“You can just leave that,” Julian says. “I’ll load the dishwasher in a while.”
I nod, dropping the plate into the sink. When I turn around, Julian is watching me with assessing eyes. He steps closer, lowering his voice so only I can hear him. “Eli is important to us. To all of us, but especially Holden.” My stomach tightens as my heart threatens to pound right out of my chest. Does he know something? Jesus, I’m already fucking things up. “If there’s something wrong, or he’s struggling, please reach out. He’s…” Julian pauses, like he’s thinking about what to say. “Well, he’s had it rough at times. We worry about him.”
Calm down, Nic. It’s not like he’s even accusing you of anything. He’s just worried about his nephew. “I definitely will,” I choke out.
I barely remember giving the kids hugs, barely remember telling Holden and Julian goodbye. Barely remember agreeing to dinner in three days when Holden’s off work again.Definitelyremember promising I’ll get Eli here. I’m not sure how I’m going to do that, but I guess I’ll figure it out. I have to.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked in the front door. I think I kind of felt like my thoughts were imploding so badly that Eli’s must be too. That he was here, mirroring my own internal conflict. I didn’t think I’d find him curled up on the couch in oversized clothes, dead asleep.
A weight lifts off my chest for all of two seconds. Just long enough for me to realize that he’s in the living room. He came to the living room only when he knew I wouldn’t be here. The weight lands on me again. Heavier this time.
I stare at him for a second. He’s truly so fucking beautiful. Even without his makeup. Without his adorable clothing choices. I don’t give myself much opportunity to look at him—reallylook—because it will do nothing good for me. Or for him. But for now, with my heart beating painfully and my stomach still in knots about how badly I’m fucking everything up, I let myself really look.
His lashes are so fucking long, almost touching his eyebrows when he has mascara on them. There’s a tiny freckle on his cheek under his right eye—the only mark on an otherwise completely flawless canvas. Not that the freckle is a flaw. Not even close. His bottom lip is bigger than the top, giving him an almost constant pout.
My heart rate spikes. Okay, that’s enough. I look away for a second, working hard to catch my breath. I can’t believe I’m getting fucking breathless over my brother’s nephew. I’m so fucked. So fucked. So fucking fucked. My hands are shaking, my throat dry.Thisright here is why I don’t let myselfreallylook at Eli.
I can’t let him sleep on the couch, though. I already feel bad enough about everything as it is without worrying if he’s going to wake up sore. I walk to the couch and sit down, careful not to jostle him too much.
Placing a hand on his back, I shake him gently. He jerks awake, gasping loudly and flinching away from me in what looks like fear. Does he… He thinks I’m going to hurt him? Pain lances through me as I start to pull my hand away.
Green eyes peek at me from behind dark lashes. “Oh, it’s you,” Eli sighs, relaxing back into the couch. “Hand’s warm.” He hums, closing his eyes.
Relief pours over me so quickly that I almost fall off the couch. “Yeah, just me,” I whisper. “Can you sit up for me?” Eli yawns, then shakes his head. Okay, then. He wiggles back and forth, then huffs a little. “Why are you huffing at me?”
He huffs again. “Rub my back.”
This has bad idea written all fucking over it, but my hand is moving before I can stop myself. Eli hums again, his entire body relaxing under my touch. For a few minutes, I don’t say anything. Mostly because the warmth of his back under my palm is shorting out my brain. “Eli?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you sit up for a second? I need to talk to you.”
He shifts a bit, stretching his legs out. “Can’t you talk like this?” He sounds a little mumbly, like he’s half-asleep. It shouldn’t be cute. It shouldn’t have my brain fraying around the edges. It shouldn’t have my heart racing.
It does.
“I’m afraid not.” I need to stop touching him. Like right now. I pull my hand back with a deep breath, and he pops an eye open, peeking at me.
He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “Fine.” Ah, there’s the snark I’ve so missed. He blinks a few times, looking around in confusion. I see the exact moment his brain comes back online. He stiffens, his eyes flying to mine. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I—”
I cut him off. “Shh. You’re fine. It’s okay.” I try to smile.
He groans, squeezing his eyes closed. “Stop smiling.”
The smile slides right off my face. When he opens his eyes again, he looks awake and alert. I clear my throat, placing my hands in my lap, trying to put up a mask of indifference. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
He looks at me like I’m stupid. “You woke me up to ask if I was okay. Clearly, I was. I wasasleep.”
“I’m aware, but outside of sleeping, are you okay?”
