Page 15 of Aug
I wanted something different. Yet, here we were. I’d only been in her private spaces once and her eyes were already welling with tears. A single blink allowed them to fall, crushing me with forceful impact.
Let her be, nigga. I reasoned.
It’s too late. I countered, knowing I was invested.
Dick. Dome. Heart. Soul. Body. I wanted Tiana to have all of me. Even the ugliest parts so that maybe her influence couldpretty them up. I didn’t need her to fix me. I happened to be a grown ass man. But, I wanted her around so that her flame could ignite mine.
“Ti–”
“Tiana.”
Bruising me with her response, Tiana stood firmly on her feet.
I loosened my grip on her hands and wiped the streak her tears had left behind.
“Talk to me, Ti.”
Flared nostrils led her revolution. She straightened her spine and squared her shoulders as I waited for the lashing I knew I deserved.
“I wanted you to be different, and I think that maybe that’s what’s so disappointing. You had no right to come into my home, fuck me as if the world was ending, and we wouldn’t see sunrise again. Meet every ridge of my asshole with your tongue.
“Suck my insides dry and then replenish them with your saliva. Bathe me. Fuck me again. And then rock me to sleep like a baby. Kiss me so gently. Stroke me so tenderly. Then, disappear without a trace. No visit. No call. No note. No rocks at my window. Nothing—” she breathed out in what seemed like one breath.
“I didn’t disappear,” I explained. “You know where I am. You know where to find me, Ti.”
“I’m not looking to find a man, August. I’ve never been in that business. Because if I have to find him, that means he’s not pursuing me. That’s how this thing goes, and that’s how this willalwaysgo. I will not haunt you down. I will not call around asking for you. I will not pop up. I will not hope to see you in the spaces I visit. I won’t. And, I shouldn’t have to. That’s not a woman’s cup of tea. If you can’t understand that then you willnever understand me. Now, if you’d let me go, I’d like to go get my things.”
“I do,” I sighed, hating that I had responded the way I had.
Having access to me and showing her exactly where I wanted to be by being there was much different from one another.
“Excuse me?”
“I do– I understand, Ti.”
I didn’t recognize myself. I shrunk. Happily, because I wanted her to feel as big as she was to me. To my world.
“Good,” she said, softening.
But, still, her guard was up.
“Put it down,” I demanded.
“August, I don’t know what you’re–”
“Your guard. Put it down, Tiana. You don’t need it with me.”
She scoffed, taking her eyes off me for a brief second.
“I let it down, and you let me down. If you want differently, then show me differently.”
I paused, taking her words in.
“It’s not like that. I had shit to hand–”
“Like my ex? Hm?”
“What you talking about, Ti?” I forged confusion.
