Page 51 of Aug
“Please, August. Stand up.”
“Nah. Not until you yell or cuss my Black ass out or tell me how you really feel. Cause, I ain’t leaving until you do.”
“Now is not the time.”
“It’s the perfect time, Ti.”
Silently, I gathered my bearings. The bomb he’d just dropped on me made everything I was feeling seem invalid. But, just like his, my feelings were real.
“Talk to me,” he pleaded.
“You’ve lost your mother, August. It does–”
“And, if I’m not careful, I’m going to lose you. I can’t do that. So tell me. Talk to me. Tell me how you feel, Ti, so I can make sure you never feel that way again.”
“Only if you stand up.”
He made his way to his feet.
“And sit down.”
I nodded toward the living room.
He didn’t hesitate to move his feet. I paced the living room, trying to put my feelings into context so that he wouldn’t understand.
“Tiana.”
I turned, facing him.
“Your actions contradicted everything you’ve promised since pursuing me. I’ve felt stranded on a deserted island with no way to contact you. No life vest. No boat. Nothing. My nights have never felt so lonely. So quiet. So dark. So dreadful. I thought– I thought we were building something, Aug.
“Something special. Something worthwhile. I’ve fallen in love with you. I’ve fallen in love with your everything, except your ability to gut-punch me. I understand you have been a mess August, but you have to understand you’re not your mess alone. You’re my mess. I should’ve been there. I could’ve been there. I would’ve been there.
“You didn’t have to go through that alone. I’d never let you go through anything alone. That’s partnership. Your mess is mine and mine is yours. If I lost one of my parents today, you would be the first number I dial. Whether it was to just hold the phoneor cry until I was blue in the face. Because that’s how this works, August.
“That’s how we work. And, if we can’t, then we can’t work. We won’t work. I can’t have you clam up and withdraw from me every time something happens in your world. I’m part of your world, August. When you aren’t one hundred percent, I fill your gaps. I give you energy. I give you light. I give you love. I pour into you. I breathe life into you.
“I nurse you back to health. I whisper good things in your ear. I bathe you. I brush your hair. I wash your face. I kiss your lips. I kiss your head. I kiss your scars. Me. Don’t rob me of the opportunity to be everything you need in your time of despair. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have anything to say. We don’t have to talk.
“We don’t have to speak, Aug. Not when feelings say all that needs to be said. I’ve never missed anyone the way I’ve missed you the last month and a half. You disappeared on me. You left me lonely, Aug, when you told me you wouldn’t.”
“I won’t– I won’t do that to you again, Ti.”
“How do I know that? You’re asking me to take your word for it as if that’s not what I did the first time.”
“I fucked up. You’re not wrong, baby.”
He slid from the edge of the couch. His knees touched the floor.
“But, I won’t do that again. I won’t leave you lonely, Ti. I shouldn’t have done that. I was wrong. I take accountability for my actions. I shouldn’t have fucking done that, but baby, please. Please hear me when I say that it won’t happen again. I heard you, Ti.
“My mess is your mess. Your mess is my mess. My world is yours. Yours is mine. I’ll never rob you of an opportunity to be in my corner. I won’t disappear. I’ll let you give me love. Pour intome. Breathe life into me. Nurse me back. Just don’t let this be the end of us. I was just getting started. Just don’t– Tiana.”
I lowered my body to the floor. Face to face, I gazed into his glossy eyes. I placed my hands on his face and placed my lips on his.
“I’m sorry you lost your mother. I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling. I know how much she meant to you. And, I understand how much of a mess you are right now. I want you to focus on your healing, August. That’s all that matters right now. Should you need me, I’m here. You know my number. You have my address. I’m here.”
“That’s not enough.”
