Page 18 of Aug
Knock.
Knock.
I took in a much shorter breath than I released. My right foot tapped against the floor as I came to the realization that I’d been far too modest in my attempts to garner Tiana’s presence. At three in the morning, it was likely she was resting and couldn’t hear the door.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
My fist collided with the door, causing a ruckus.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
After twenty seconds, I lifted my hand again. The door swung open. Behind it was a groggy woman wrapped in a silk robe with silk rollers in her head. Patches were underneath her eyes. And, fuzzy slippers covered her toes.
She was stunning. In all her sleepy glory, Tiana was beautiful. I knew what was underneath the layers of prep, but I also knew the effort would yield splendid results.
At the sight of me, she pushed the door closed. Her attempt failed. I stopped it from connecting with the frame by extending my right hand. I invited myself into her space, keeping my eyes trained on the once sleeping beauty.
“I apologize for waking you up, Ti,” I confessed.
I needed that to be clear.
“I’m not here to piss you off. I’m really here to say the shit I should’ve said earlier. I’ll start by admitting my flaws and asking you to work with me as I work through them. I don’t have all the right words, and I never want to say the wrong thing to you, but I’m willing to toss all caution to the wind tonight.”
I took a deep breath, handing over the flowers I’d picked from the garden.
“Be careful. Them motherfuckers sharp.”
She paused. I watched as her eyes softened.
“Is that where the blood is from?” She asked, tipping her chin toward my shirt.
“Yes. But, I didn’t want to waste another second changing. I wanted to come straight here.”
“For what, August?” Tiana exhaled, pursing her bottom lip.
“To apologize. You’re right. It’s not your job to come find me. Search for me. Look any further than to your right or left. I have obligations that you are aware of but it’s still my responsibility to communicate that with you. Koen was out. Family emergency. I had to handle business. Balle has gotten hurt on my watch before.
“It can’t happen again. And– shit– frankly, I’m not used to answering to nobody. Ya know? I haven’t ever had to do that. Never been on that with nobody so I don’t know the rules of this shit. But, what I do know is I’m ready to follow whatever rules you set because I want to be in your mix. Ineedto be in your mix.
“And, I need you in mine. I don’t want to just fall into a routine of coming to your crib and fucking you then pissing you off and I’m back in that fucking garden messing my fingers up. Nah. I want to do better. To be better. You feel me, Ti? I want to show you that, that night was the furthest thing from a mistake. It was the right thing. The perfect thing. The good thing.
“Admittedly, I’m one who believes love is a lost art that never found me. Or, I never found it. Either way, it’s never worked out for me that way. But, it has to now. Because you’re here. And, everything about you says that you’re mine and I’m yours.
“I want to explore that while I explore you. If that’s cool with you. We start from scratch tonight. Forgive me for that shit. Charge it to my head and not my heart. I’m ready to grow, Ti. I just don’t want to do that alone.”
