Page 6 of We Thought We Were Invincible
“Fine, but you aren't sober either.”
“Do you not want me?” I hated the pathetic sound of my voice as the doubt crept in. My whole life, I told myself I didn't have many friends because I didn't want to, but in the back of my mind lived the thread of self-pity.
“Oh God.” He scratched the back of his head, his black hair blending in to the night surrounding us. “I've wanted you as long as I can remember. But, Cal, I'm not going to be your escape. You love me, right?”
“Of course.”
He put a hand on each of my shoulders to look me in the eye. “But you aren't in love with me.”
My shoulders dropped.
“I don't think I love you that way either,” he continued.
“I think you should go.” My fuzzy thoughts turned to anger. I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't help myself.
“You're probably right. I have to leave early.” He took my hand, and I let him lead me back to the party without another word.
I couldn't stand the thought of a long, drawn out goodbye in Jay's car as he dropped me off so I told him to leave without me.
He hesitated.
“My brother can drive me home.”
Another long moment passed, and he leaned in for one final kiss. “You're my best friend,” he whispered. “Don't forget that.”
I forced a smile to my lips and nodded toward the parking lot as I watched him walk away. Turning toward the crowd, I forced my way through. Jamie sat playing his guitar for a crowd of people, his surprisingly sweet voice drifting through the air.
Shaking my head at the girls trying to lean in closer to him, I tried to clear it of this crippling self-pity that was working its way into my psyche. I'd have given anything to be on my board.
I was standing on the water's edge, staring into the black foaming waves when Morgan walked up beside me.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I looked sideways, trying to gage the sincerity of her question. I couldn't tell what she wanted. Maybe it was the three drinks I'd had, or that my best and only true friend just left, but I was tired of shunning everyone. Tired of my suspicion and disdain. I was tired of being alone.
“No,” I admitted, looking out at the sea once again. “I'm not okay.”
She tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded.
I walked forward, wanting one thing. The beach sloped into the water until it dropped off. I knew exactly where that point was and I dove in without a second thought. The water encased me, molding to me to let me pass through, suspended, weightless. My jeans worked to drag me down so my hands unbuckled them and slid the stiff fabric down my legs, knowing my underwear wasn't any more revealing than my bathing suit.
When I came up for air, I noticed a group of people milling at the edge of the water, looking for me.
“Callie!” Morgan's voice rose above the rest.
I continued to float, giving my legs a slight kick to push me toward the beach. The waves tonight were small rollers that pushed me up as they churned. My hair floated out behind me, surrounding my head.
The noise grew louder as I moved closer to the shore.
“Come on, Callie,” Morgan said as soon as she spotted me. “You shouldn't swim at night.”
I didn't answer, but guilt seeped in. I didn't want to worry her. She didn't know there was less out here to hurt me than there was in there.
The warm water washed away the last bits of haze, and I was more clear headed than I'd been all night. I stood up, forgetting I'd removed my jeans.
There were snickers coming from a few boys nearby as I waded in, making me feel a self-consciousness that hadn't been there only moments before. My legs stopped moving, refusing to come in any closer. I tugged on the edges of my shirt, trying to pull it down as much as I could. The laughter grew louder.
“Shut up.” I heard Morgan snap. They didn't listen.
