Page 11 of Feral: Part Two
"Do you want to be?"
"I used to think so. I wanted to know everything that was going on and when we were getting out and who we were going to make pay for all of this, but then I just..." He pauses, his cheeks flushing slightly. "This will sound bad, but I stopped caring. I didn't want to do all that. I just wanted to be... fuck, I just wanted to be their Omega."
I offer Preston a small smile, understanding flooding through me. "It's a great feeling. Being someone's Omega."
"And now you can be that for our pack too."
I snort, shaking my head as I move one of the blankets further into the little den. "I know you think so, but these bonds are a matter of circumstance, not love. We're here for survival and because the council would have hurt you. I understand that Thane and Kael were protecting their pack, but that doesn't mean they're my Alphas, Preston."
Preston slowly slides off the bed, wincing as he holds his stomach, before stepping closer to my makeshift den. "Slate, sweetie, what's stopping you from accepting Kael and Thane?"
"Because I've done this before," I force out, holding back the pain I’ve felt every time I think about returning to Veltmoor. "I thought I was in love. I thought I was someone's Omega, and then I ended up back in Veltmoor without a bite in my shoulder."
I run my hands along my shoulders where the previous wounds were, the marks still visible when I look in the mirror, even if the jagged skin is no longer there. The scars are a roadmap of every rejection I suffered and the shame I felt failing each and every one of those Alphas.
"After the third time or so, I hated getting my hopes up. They all said the pretty things. They wanted to be my Alpha, my forever, and then they willingly dropped me back off like I was just a means to an end." My voice cracks, the pain I've been carrying for months finally spilling over. "The problem is that I was. They must have known going into this process that they were never going to keep me, and that almost hurts worse." I huff out a breath, dragging another blanket from under the bed. "It hurts that I never did anything wrong to deserve all of that bullshit, but because I was the perfect specimen for an experiment, I had to suffer. Again and again andagain."
Tears blur my vision as the fury reaches a breaking point. My hands fist up in the blanket before I drop it and turn to the wall, my knuckles connecting with the plaster.
Preston shrieks from behind me, but it’s muffled by the roar of blood in my ears. The pain radiating up my arm feels good, feels real in a way that nothing else has for weeks. It's the physical manifestation of everything I can't say, can't process, can't understand about what's been done to me.
I hit the wall again, harder this time. It's no blade, but the pain is a sweet release I haven't gotten since I moved in here. The sting travels from my knuckles up through my wrist. At least this pain has a source I can understand, unlike the constant ache in my chest that never seems to fade.
Tears stream down my cheeks as my knuckles become raw, the skin splitting and revealing stripes of red. Crimson coats the drywall, the sight of my pain physically laid out before me, making me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
I throw another punch forward, a rough hand catching it as my body is dragged backwards before spinning me around. I find myself pressed back against the wall, Kael towering over me with a snarl twisting his features. His eyes are dark, his expression twisted up with something I can’t read, a growl vibrating in his chest.
I should have known that he would tear me from my destructive behavior. I agreed not to hurt Preston, not to scare him, not to put any more stress on the Omega that has some part of my heart. Slowly, I look up at him with tear-filled eyes, waiting for what happened last time. Waiting for him to yell at me for hurting myself, for being weak, for not being able to handle my own emotions like a proper Omega should. I brace myself for the lecture, for the disappointment, for the confirmation that I really am too broken to be worth keeping.
Instead, Kael just looks down and takes my hands in his. His thumbs run over my knuckles, assessing the damage without causing additional pain. The contrast between his rough exterior and the tenderness of his touch makes fresh tears spill down my cheeks.
"What happened?" His voice is softer than I've ever heard it, lacking the harsh edge that usually accompanies our interactions. "Why would you do this to yourself?"
I frown, confusion cutting through the haze of pain and emotion. This isn't what I expected. This isn't the reaction I've learned to anticipate from Alphas.
"I'm sorry for scaring Preston and I..." I start.
Kael shakes his head, cutting off my apology before I can finish it. He leads me over to my makeshift den and sits me down on the floor. I notice that he doesn't scoot inside the den but instead positions himself just at the edge, close enough to offer comfort but far enough away to respect my space.
"Talk to me," he says, and there's something in his voice that I've never heard before. Not a command, not a demand, but a request. I don’t respond because I have absolutely no idea how to. His thumbs continue to brush across my knuckles before he raises one of my hands to his lips, his tongue running across my knuckles where the skin has split.
I try to pull back, confusion and alarm shooting through me. "What the fuck are you doing?"
Kael doesn't say anything, just continues what he's doing, his tongue moving methodically across each knuckle. A low rumble starts in his chest, a sound of contentment that vibrates through the air between us.
He moves to my other hand, giving it the same treatment, and I glare at him, trying to understand what he’s doing. There’s nothing sexual about Kael’s touch, but there’s a tenderness in it that doesn’t match what we are to each other.
That's when I realize the pain is gone. The sharp, stinging ache that was radiating from my knuckles has completely disappeared, replaced by smooth, unbroken skin. I stare down at my hands in shock, turning them over to examine what should be wounds but now looks like nothing ever happened.
"I didn't even use my other hand," I whisper, looking at the unmarked knuckles of my left hand where I know I hit the wall.
Kael finally breaks the silence, speaking as if he didn’t just lick my hands and heal me. I suspect it has something to do with ourFeralpack status, but I don’t get a chance to ask. "Now tell me what brought this on. And no, I'm not asking because of Preston."
I frown and look around, suddenly remembering that we're not alone in this room. Thane and Malik are holding my beautiful Omega, Preston’s face pale and eyes wide with worry, their own expressions tense as they watch the scene unfold.
I don't know how to explain the spiral of thoughts that led to me punching a wall. They wouldn’t understand it.
"It's nothing," I lie. "I just have to wrap my head around being owned, but it's fine. I've got free dick and an Omega who loves me." I crack a smile, hoping to lighten the tension in the room, but it doesn’t work.
