Page 60 of Becoming His Muse
“It’s only still up because we scheduled dates through it,” Olani tried.
“Dates that didn’t need to be. I understand being nervous or uncomfortable the first couple of times, but you listened to me plan dates and then reminded me to put them in through the site as if some third party needed to know when it was just you. You could have told me this sooner, Olani.”
“I know, but I wasn’t sure if…I didn’t know how…” she trailed off.
“You spent the last three months lying to me, hiding the true nature of how we met.” He paused to give her a chance to respond, but when she didn’t, he continued. “If the roles were reversed, you’d be pissed. Not only because I’d lied to you, but because I fucked you several times in the process of doing so.”
Elion watched her wince, and he was sure it was from his word choice and the hardness of his voice when he’d said it. Sure, he’d had his fair share of random one-night stands when he was younger, but he let them know that was the intention behind it. They were sleeping together for mutual gratification. He would have appreciated the woman he was sleeping with being honest with him.
“I wanted to tell you, but the more time we spent together, the more time that passed; I was afraid you’d be mad, that you’d have this reaction. That you wouldn’t want to see each other anymore.”
He shook his head. “I’m not mad. I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me in the beginning or when we went away for the weekend, after we’d slept together, or when I took care of you while you were sick. Every time we’ve gone out, I’ve asked you to tell me something I didn’t know about you. Youdon’t think any of those times would have been perfect for you to come clean.”
“I…I know, but you don’t know that you wouldn’t have reacted the same way,” Olani countered.
“You’re right, but you didn’t give me that chance. You waited until I’d fall…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath before standing. “I need to go. I need to think.”
He didn’t wait for a response and wasn’t sure he’d get one. Closing the front door behind him, he slid into his vehicle and pulled out of the driveway. He couldn’t decipher the warring emotions within him or separate them long enough to focus on one. All he knew was that he needed to be alone. He needed to think because she’d lied to him, and maybe to anyone else; the lie she told wouldn’t seem like a big deal, but it was to him.
Elion hadn’t lied to her; he had been entirely transparent, even when he told her he wasn’t the one who filled out the survey. She could have confessed this to him then. To him, it would have made sense for her to do so. The honesty of the situation would have been there from the jump, and they wouldn’t have found themselves where they did tonight.
Her owning the site wasn’t an issue. What hurt him more than her not telling him was that it was still up. She said it was because they scheduled dates through it, but how could he know she hadn’t been constantly sifting through replies to find another person. Someone who wasn’t him?Because she wouldn’t do that.
With another sigh, he tried to push it from his mind. He didn’t want to think about it. At least not right then. For the time being, he wanted to sit in silence as he drove through the night.
25
“Why don’t you just call him?” Xola asked as she sat down on the couch.
“I already have, and he didn’t answer,” Olani responded.
It’d been a week since she’d last spoken to Elion, since she’d confessed and told him she not only owned the site but was the only woman on it. Admittedly, it’d gone better than she expected. She’d expected outright anger and maybe raised voices. Neither of those she’d received, but she shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d never struck her as the type to raise his voice, and he’d claimed he wasn’t mad but hurt. She probably would have preferred him to be mad.
She’d texted him a few times and called him three. He hadn’t answered her calls or responded to her texts. She wasn’t even sure he’d read them.
“You will not like this, but he has a point. You should have told him sooner. I even told you that before you went on your weekend away.”
Olani knew he had a point, a reason to be hurt. Everything he’d said was true. If the roles were reversed and he’d done what she had, she wouldn’t have taken it nearly as gracefully as he did. She wasn’t even sure she would have sat there as long as he had or if she would have even allowed him to explain.
When creating the site, she’d only been looking to fix herself up with someone who was looking for the same things she was. She hadn’t considered those she had nothing in common with, but Elion had been correct. While several likely signed up for some sort of hookup, some had genuinely been looking for what she was, and because she didn’t think they had anything in common, she’d left them floating in the wind. She hadn’t even thought about replying to let them know she could not find them a compatible person.
She knew that often people got left high and dry on dating sites, but even then, that didn’t make it right. Olani knew it was unrealistic to think that she could have responded to all the surveys that came in. Not unless she sent out some sort of email blast.
There was another part of her that didn’t feel guilty. So what? She’d gathered a pool of men she could choose from. Was that not the premise of every dating site? To leaf through all the options and choose the one you liked the best. But then, she supposed it went both ways on other sites. The women and the men had their pick of the lot. That wasn’t the case with hers.
She hadn’t thought her site to be misleading, but she’d gone back and read the initial ad that she’d run and saw how it was obtuse in its meaning. It asked for men to fill out their applications but stated that it was for singles looking to settledown with the same goals. Yes, that sounded like there would be hundreds of men and women.
“You know where he lives, right? Why not just pop up and talk to him?” Xola asked, taking a sip of her tea.
“I will not do that. He’s made it very clear by his avoidance of my texts and calls that he doesn’t want to talk to me, and I’m going to respect that.”
Olani had done her part; she’d reached out and was ignored. She would not continue to do so, and she damn sure was not about to show up unannounced at his front door.
“Then are you going to look through more of the surveys and see if there’s someone else you’re compatible with?”
She looked at her cousin, who was eyeing her over the rim of her teacup. “No. That site was clearly a bad idea.”
“I disagree. You met someone you hit it off with and enjoyed being with. The site wasn’t a bad idea. The way you went about telling him, or well, not telling him in the beginning, was. I’m sure there are hundreds of women who would be interested in joining if you opened it up to them. I was thinking about it myself a few weeks ago.”
