Page 10 of Doubts of the Egoist
“If you release me, I’ll lick every inch of you clean. I know you want it just as much as I do. Let me make you feel good.” Yugo breathed the words into Kuon’s palm and traced a flat tongue across the network of blue veins on his wrist. Salty and covered in gravy, it smelled like a perfect feast for his growing appetite.
Kuon hesitated; the apple of his throat jumped. He tilted his ear toward the captive as if trying to hear false notes in Yugo’s voice. He shook his head, rubbed his brow with the base of his palm, but his cock stood strong in all its glory, a bead of pre-cum glistening on the slit. He squirmed, but his erection refused to subside. Finally, he sighed, dropped the unfinished lamb chop onto the silver plate, and asked, “Will I regret it?”
Yugo blinked, the desire to jest leaving him. He rolled to the side to prop up on a shoulder and look at Kuon’s profile. The question was asked with disarming earnestness, and Yugo almost believed his answer mattered.
Pulse quickening, he shook his head, cladding the gesture in words. “No.”
“Where is the key?” Kuon asked, setting the silver dish on the nightstand by his side with a clang.
Yugo’s heart stumbled and poked between his ribs like a stray dog into an empty palm, hoping for something. Unable tobelieve his word was good enough for Kuon to trust him, Yugo squinted at his lover. Kuon waited, hardly realizing that the value of his words conveyed a vivid display of absolute trust. His voice failed him at first, lost between his lungs and mouth, and he had to clear his throat to force it out. “On the nightstand, by my side.”
Kuon’s hand pressed against the pillow, left another dark stain next to his shoulder, but the ruined silk didn’t bother him. An erect nipple hovered a hairbreadth away from his nose as Kuon bent over him with his hand fumbling on the nightstand. Tanned, hard, alluring, it made him salivate. Yugo closed his eyes to prevent himself from lifting up and catching it with his teeth, afraid that a moment of weakness would spook Kuon and cost him his freedom. The key turning in the lock reverberated through his bones, and the metal rings lost their grip on his wrists. Yugo’s smile grew wider, greedier, and bolder as he curled his hands around Kuon’s forearms and pushed him onto his back. His pants still hung around his thighs, restricting his movements, but Kuon made no effort to fight him.
“And here come the regrets…” Kuon clenched and unclenched his fists, then clenched them again, as if mentally bracing himself for the worst. But the desire to punish him was long gone.
“You haven’t forgiven me for the whipping…” Yugo stated, trying to see his eyes through the perforations in the eye shields.
“Why would I?” A barely audible reply warmed Yugo’s lips. “You’ve never apologized for it.”
“I won’t. I’m glad you still remember the pain.”
A muscle on Kuon’s cheek twitched. He tried to wrench his hands free, but Yugo tightened the grip until the skinunder his fingers blanched and Kuon’s veins started throbbing. Realizing the futility of the struggle, he turned his face away with a huff. “Who would have doubted it? Get off me.”
“If I have to hurt you to keep you from hurting yourself, I’ll do it again. You died in the river. Your heart stopped beating. Your choice of death over my touch made me so livid that I considered finishing you off myself, but…” Yugo shrugged. “…I couldn’t. Still, I had to do something to ensure you’d never try anything like that again.” The vein in Yugo’s forehead throbbed when he remembered the muddy ground squishing beneath his feet and cold, blue lips. “I guess it wasn’t enough, because you still put a gun to your head. You trusted Mio, someone you barely knew, instead of talking to me. That was devastating. Do you know what I was thinking there, on that damn pier?”
“What?” Kuon’s weak reply stirred no air.
“Please, let my bullet be first.”
Ba-dump!Kuon’s heartslammed against his ribs. His tongue grew numb and icy. He hadn’t thought about Yugo’s feelings or concerns during his captivity and had never tried to understand him, content to label him a selfish, arrogant asshole. He was sure that Yugo couldn’t feel anything deeper than the possessive instinct of a five-year-old child angry at his disobedient toy. Dizzy from lack of air, he tried to push Yugo off and sit up, but the man only squeezed his forearms tighter.
“Let go.”
Yugo didn’t listen. His whisper burned Kuon’s ear. “I was sure if I forced you back to me, you’d find a way to finish yourself off. However, looking at you now makes me regret letting you go. Look what you have done to yourself…”
At that moment, Kuon missed his sight more than ever. He dug his nails into his palms to prevent himself from tearing the eye shields off and trying to see the gunmetal eyes again.
“Yugo, are you…” …in love with me?When the sentence fully formed in his mind, he felt stupid. Whatever the answer, he wouldn’t know what to do with it, because he wasn’t sure why he was back in this mansion. Was it an attempt to escape reality? With Yugo everything felt surreal, as if happening in another dimension? Did he cowardly cling to the past, to the accomplished and confident person he’d once been, too scared to face how his life went off on a tangent? Maybe it was a selfish whim to enjoy sex and forget about his nightmares, at least for a while? Or were his feelings for Yugo real?
He didn’t know or care because, for the first time in two years, he had felt something other than self-loathing, devastation, and anger. After such a long depression, feeling again was addictive. Still… Could he call it love, or was he merely using the opportunity to escape the darkness of his life into the fire of Yugo’s embrace? He didn’t know. He was only sure of one thing—two years ago, he had lost something here, something that had changed him forever. Now, he was determined to find it, no matter what.
Kuon shook his head. “Never mind.”
When warm lips pressed to the bullet scar on the right side of his chest, Kuon rested his head on the pillow. Yugo’s words looped in his head, gradually fading into the background of their ragged breathing, until he could barely hear them.
Yugo hadn’t lied; he was gentle, but there was no torture crueler than his mouth. It tormented, licking him, making his skin ache from the overstimulation. The cobweb scar on his side felt raw and wet, as if Yugo had flayed off the overgrown, raisedtissue with his tongue. Skilled hands kneaded and caressed, learning the imperfections of his body anew. Kuon didn’t fight them, only tensed when the saliva coated fingers slipped into his still too tender body with little resistance, and Yugo’s keen tongue slid up and down his length.
With excruciating slowness, Yugo savored his taste, mouth moving as if it had been made to suck a cock. Around the head, down to the balls, and up again. He paid special attention to the frenulum, making Kuon arch his back and bite his wrist. Or maybe the blindness made him more receptive. He struggled to say, but as his mind melted, the surrounding darkness did too.
He panted, swallowing his moans as Yugo’s fingers stretched and massaged his insides, leaving no place unattended. His heart raced as his fingers tangled in the silky mess of Yugo’s hair. As the pleasure overwhelmed him, Kuon clenched the strands, unaware that he was bucking his hips in rhythm with the bobbing of Yugo’s head, welcoming the friction.
Yugo pulled away, ending the onslaught of caresses, panting as he planted soft kisses on Kuon’s throbbing shaft. When those impudent lips left his body completely, Kuon snapped out of his blissful haze, running a hand down his face, fighting the raging frustration. His groin was wet and aching with loneliness. He was on the verge of reaching down and touching himself in the most shameless way, retracing the paths of Yugo’s lips and fingers.
A rustle and a click of plastic preceded a cold, sticky touch that smelled of melons and cucumbers as Yugo smeared the lubricant over Kuon’s cock, balls, and throbbing anus. He cringed as Yugo pressed something cold to his ass and squirted cool gel inside.
Hiding his shame, Kuon draped a hand over his eyes, eventhough the shields and tape already concealed half his face. Cold, sticky palms pressed against his thighs, forcing him to spread his legs wider, then something thick and hot nudged his hole. He hissed. Yugo entered with one slow, gentle thrust. His hips pressed against Kuon’s buttocks, pubic hair tickling his crack.
Kuon gasped, as pain gripped him, slowly melting into searing heat. Without thinking, he reached for Yugo, digging his nails into broad shoulders.
