Page 85 of Doubts of the Egoist
Blood filled his mouth with the sickening taste of iron. Pernicious hatred pounded in his veins, poisoning his mind and soul.
Kuon slept with someone else.
His fists clenched with the need to teach Kuon a painful lesson of agony, humiliation, and obedience. But the cut on Kuon’s temple and the bloodshot eyes had never let him raise his fists, so Yugo used the only weapon he had left—words, and he used them well.
Kuon had left, and Yugo stayed, staring into nothingness. He should have won this verbal battle because Kuon obeyed and thus admitted his defeat, so why the hell did he feel like a complete loser?
Yugo shook his head, fighting the urge to follow Kuon. Nothing good would come of it, but the itch only grew strongerthe harder he tried to ignore it.
The need to make Kuon look only at him again—with love or hate, he no longer cared—tightened an invisible noose around his neck, forcing him to follow.
I warned you… I told you not to provoke me, but you never listen. It’s your own fault.
He turned on his heel and stomped into the bathroom.
CHAPTER 23
A vague silhouettebehind the fogged glass made Yugo’s vision throb and narrow. For several long seconds, he watched Kuon standing under the stream, his back flat against the glass, shoulders rounded, and palms covering eyes.
Yugo knew he should leave him alone. With his mind poisoned by alcohol, he could only bring ire upon Kuon, and the former cop wasn’t fit enough to take it. At least not yet. A few days apart would mend his bruised pride enough to devise a rational punishment and have a conversation. It would also provide Kuon enough time to heal.
Still, he didn’t move, watching the water caress Kuon’s body in the same way Yugo had touched him.
The same way the dog did…He growled in frustration.I should have cut off his fingers one by one and stuffed them in his mouth to teach him not to touch other people’s property.
Poisoned by the mercury balls of rage coursing through his veins, he clenched his fists and drove his nails into the cigarette burn on his palm, trying to relieve his mental anguish with physical pain. It didn’t help. Instead, a nerve in his tooth twitched, setting off a chain reaction. His knuckles whitened, jaw locked, and the inferno in his mind erupted, demanding sacrifice.
On an impulse, he tore off his shirt, threw it on the floor, and stepped into the shower cubicle.
The warm jets of water soaked through his pants in an instant, irreversibly ruining the fine wool that clung to histhighs.
Kuon stiffened, turned around, and backed up against the opposite glass wall, fists clenched, feet staggered. He still looked Yugo in the eye with the clear defiance of the righteous.
This annoyed and mesmerized Yugo, making him want both to kiss his eyes and gouge them out. The duality of his feelings infuriated him.
Kuon scowled, growing more alert, tenacious. Separated by the cascading water, they scrutinized each other with acute intensity. Droplets beaded on Kuon’s skin, trickling down his toned body, rippling over the raised scars. In places, the crystal drops acted like tiny magnifying glasses, highlighting the juicy, purple hickeys.
The sight was worse than the toothache. Yugo huffed in contempt and disbelief.
Kuon squared his shoulders, and this tiny gesture rekindled Yugo’s murderous intent. He lowered his chin. His unforgiving heart, intoxicated with black jealousy and alcohol, invented one cruel punishment after another. A mere glance at Kuon was enough to unleash Yugo’s visceral wickedness.
As he studied the passion map on Kuon’s body, drawn by another man, Yugo felt the layers of his reality crumble—volcanoes erupting and rock formations shifting, redrawing the contours of his world and making it an unfamiliar, hostile place. His mind had long accepted that loyalty could be bought for the right price. That was why he liked Kuon. He was different, or so Yugo believed.Yet he slept with the dog.
The thought his mind refused to digest boomeranged into his teeth. It was too square to fit his rounded skull, so it scratched the inside of his head with sharp angles, leaving deepgrooves. If only Kuon hadn’t fought for his friend, Yugo would have gladly believed that Rick had raped him or spiked his drink, because sleeping with another man was too out of Kuon’s character. But the evidence said otherwise.
Kuon’s words, tossed amidst the heated argument, came to mind.“How do you know? Maybe this is exactly who I am. Or do you mean I don’t act the way you want me to—docile, passionate, grateful?”
Perhaps I really don’t know him, and it was all an act?
A sense of betrayal shot through him, shrapnel ripping his insides apart. He wanted to howl in impotent rage, but more than that, he wanted to kill in cold blood.
And still… Still…
“Wash up. Scrub every damn inch of yourself.” He grabbed the loofah from the corner shelf and flung it at Kuon’s face.
The former cop caught the pale sponge without looking at it. An edge of his mouth twitched in annoyance as he turned to the body wash dispenser on the shelf and squeezed some liquid onto his palm. He lathered the sponge in his hands and dragged it across his chest, down his arm, and back up again to his collarbone. Soapsuds trickled down his powerful hips and thighs. Every time he squeezed the sponge a little harder, foam ran down his toned abs, as if the damn thing was making love to the kiss marks, lavishing them with caresses, cumming at the touch. Under his gaze, Kuon’s face flushed, and his muscles tensed.
Despite the growing migraine and a twitching nerve in his jaw, Yugo’s blood warmed at the sight. That irritated him even more.Why do I want him so badly?
