Page 45 of Doubts of the Egoist
With a huff, Yugo closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking at the ceiling. “I didn’t mean it that way. You know it.”
“I thought I did, but the thing is, I really don’t.” Kuon tried hard to keep his face expressionless, but a corner of his mouth and his cheek twitched.
“Kuon, turn it off, or I will.” Yugo moved toward the computer. Kuon blocked his way with his body. “Move. I’m getting angry.”
“No.”
Rage rolled off Yugo in waves as he fired off a reply. “I know how this looks, but you’ve got it wrong.”
“You sure about that? Since you refuse to answer, I think I’m just beginning to understand you. Someone like you can have anyone, yet you want me, blind and scarred. I’m not even your type, never have been. Come on, Yugo, tell me. What is it, a sick curiosity? Or do you want to finish your pet project and raise an obedientPuppythat will lick your hands no matter what you give it?”
“Fucking Tobias… So he was the one who put that shit in your head? What else did he say?” A murderous glint Kuon hadn’t seen in years flared in the gray eyes. Yugo’s calm mask cracked and shattered, revealing an animalistic snarl. Thick veins popped out on his neck and the backs of his hands.
“He has nothing to do with it. Come on, Yugo, answer. After two years, what made you want to see me again?”
“You really don’t know?” Yugo’s palm slammed against the desk, making Kuon tense. For a second it looked like Yugowould slap him. The anger, ugly on Yugo’s face, brought back the memories of the rape. “Are you fucking with me? I’m tired of this bullshit. Leave the room.”
“Make me.” Kuon backed away from the desk, adrenaline quickening his pulse. “You’re really good at this. Looks like I might have even enjoyed it.”
“Is that what you want, for me to hurt you, so you can test your idiotic theory?” Yugo’s voice rumbled through the room. “Or do you feel nostalgic and want to repeat it? Did you get hard watching this? Shall I satisfy your desires?”
Yugo jerked his chin toward the running videos.
Sweat broke out across Kuon’s back despite the chilly air in the room. He knew that if he started a fight now, they would revert to the abusive relationship they once had. He wouldn’t be able to go through that again. “No.”
“I asked you to stay out of this room. Why couldn’t you?” Step by step, Yugo cornered him, forcing him to retreat to the back of the room. “Why do you have to be so difficult?”
Kuon’s back hit the metal rack. Yugo’s open palm slammed against the edge of the top shelf, again and again. Each impact sent a wave of evil energy through Kuon’s body.
“I try to be nice to you. Don’t you see I’m doing my best? What on earth do you even want from me? Why can’t you be happy?”
Yugo’s face came closer. His palms gripped the edges of the shelves beside Kuon’s head, making the boxes behind him shake.
“That’s why I didn’t want you to come in here. I knew you’d freak out.” Yugo lowered his head. When he lookedup, determination hardened his features. “You don’t want to compromise? Fine. This is what’s going to happen. You will leave this room right now. Take your meds, and go to bed. You’ll let me take care of you, and you will forget this room ever existed. Period.”
A bitter coppery taste filled Kuon’s mouth as he bit the inside of his cheek too hard. “We both know that’s unlikely.”
Yugo looked like he wanted nothing more than to smash Kuon’s head against the metal shelf to make him forget; yet he wavered. It took him a few tense minutes to rein in his temper and ask, “What do you expect to find here?”
“Myself,” Kuon admitted as he leaned against the rack. The cold metal made his skin tingle, but it did nothing to dull the ache in his heart. He hated the way Yugo’s throat bobbed and the corners of his mouth turned down. The bitter expression didn’t suit him and added a few years to his age.
“I can’t allow that.” Yugo pulled away.
“Why not? We both know I’ll come around sooner or later. You made sure I always do,” Kuon said sarcastically.
A stern expression hardened Yugo’s face. “You’ve only been here a few hours and you’re already not behaving yourself.”
“How do you know? Maybe this is exactly who I am. Or do you mean I don’t act the way you want me to—docile, passionate, grateful?” Kuon nodded at the screen.
Head tilted back, Yugo barked out an angry laugh.
“Docile and grateful? Who are we talking about? Certainly not you. But you are right, I may not know you as well as I would like to. All the less reason to leave you here unsupervised. This room holds too many secrets; not allof them are for your eyes.Get. Out.”
It was foolish to fight with the angry Yugo. Kuon understood that he should comply and rest, but he couldn’t trust the man to keep his word. Hell, he could no longer trust himself either in Yugo’s presence.
“Hmm…” Kuon forced a smile. “I’d compromise, but you haven’t offered anything worth considering. Don’t want me around? Fine, I’ll go, but if you truly meant what you said, you won’t mind if I copy our mementos for later review, will you? Now, Yugo. While I’m still here, copy everything; not just the carefully selected, relatively harmless files.”
Yugo squinted at him, his cold, unblinking eyes harboring a silent threat. “Do you have any idea how many terabytes that is? It will take hours to copy.”
