Page 12 of Doubts of the Egoist
Forcing himself not to stare at the whites of his eyes crawling with red, Yugo grabbed a clean swab and patted the damp skin around Kuon’s eyes dry before applying the scar removal ointment to the damaged areas. Neither spoke as Yugo worked with precision to reattach the eye shields, but the question etched into Kuon’s face was too vivid to ignore.
When the medical kit was put away, a weak voice broke the silence. “How bad is it?” He swallowed but held his head high. “Horrible?”
“No.” The lie slipped naturally off Yugo’s lips. “It will heal soon, and the scars will disappear. Don’t think about it.”
Kuon hummed, shifted his shoulders to release tension, yawned, and leaned back on the pillows. It was still bright outside, and the room smelled of food, but Yugo settled at Kuon’s side, watching the slow pulsation of a blue vein on the neck mottled with hickeys.
CHAPTER 4
“Can you seeme?” Doctor Klor leaned in, examining Kuon’s eye through an ophthalmoscope. His deep, cinnamon scent wafted through the dim room; an odd smell for a hospital.
“Foggy, but yes,” Kuon replied, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “How… how does it look?”
“It’s fine, healing. It’s only been two days, so maintaining a healthy lifestyle is crucial. No alcohol, cigarettes, physical work, or intense sports. Wear sunglasses outdoors and in bright rooms, avoid dusty places, and take your medication exactly on time every day, including eye drops. Sharpness and clarity of your vision may fluctuate. It’s normal, so don’t worry. In about a year, if your vision isn’t completely restored, and it probably won’t be, we’ll consider a simple laser correction. Meanwhile, do not swim or rinse your eyes with tap water. Use only sterile solution, and avoid rubbing your eyes. Always wash your hands before gently swabbing your eyelids, understand?”
“Uh-huh…”
“If you experience any discomfort, pain, irritation, or new symptoms, come in right away. Otherwise, I’ll see you in a week.”
Kuon couldn’t stop staring at the doctor’s face above the blue scrubs. The image, though indistinct, was the most colorful thing he’d seen in a year. Klor’s features looked blurred in the faint light filtering through the Venetian blinds. Still, seeing anything other than darkness was addictive; he could make out the doctor’s strong jaw and intelligent eyes. Klor looked serious,yet kind and reliable. His demeanor suggested that he either had children or often worked with them.
“That’s it.” Dr. Klor pushed away on his white rolling stool and got up. Kuon followed, turning his head to track the doctor as he went to the desk and scribbled something on a slip of paper with a golden pen. “Here’s a memo and your prescriptions.”
“Thank you,” Kuon said, unable to stop gawking.
When Klor turned around and their eyes met, the doctor chuckled. “That’s okay. Take your time. Everyone stares at first, so I won’t jump to the conclusion that it’s love at first sight. But… would you like me to give you something more interesting to look at?”
“S-sorry, I’m good.” Kuon rubbed his temple, feeling like an idiot. “It’s just been a while.”
He pocketed the prescription with a nod and an awkward smile, put on his wraparound sunglasses, and pulled the door open as the final orders caught up with him. “No computers, smartphones, TV, or even books, you hear? Keep the blinds shut. And…” Klor hesitated. “Try to avoid anything that could spike your blood pressure. At least for two weeks, you hear?”
Kuon nodded and closed the door behind him.
Forbidden to go into the doctor’s office, Yugo leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Irritation created a tangible orb of dark, malevolent energy around him. Occasional passersby, sensing danger, cast wary glances at him and quickened their pace. In the crowded corridor, the rows of bolted beige chairs on either side of his knees remained empty, as if people subconsciously avoided his company.
If Kuon hadn’t been nervous before, now his pulsedoubled, deaf to the doctor’s orders. His heart bounced in his ribcage then rose to his throat, freezing there, forgetting how to beat at the sight of that handsome face and those cold, piercing eyes.
Yugo hadn’t changed. People say time and memory color the truth, but even though Kuon’s vision was distorted, and Yugo’s silhouette doubled from one side, he still looked much more handsome than Kuon remembered.
His fingers twitched. To keep himself from lifting his hand and reaching out to touch Yugo’s cheek, he hid his hands in his pockets as the doctor’s toothless teasing surfaced in his head.
Fuck…Heat caught his ears, and Kuon averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed for no reason, as if Yugo would assume the same thing if he stared a moment longer. He quickly turned on his heel to avoid staring.
He wasn’t ready for this, so he trained his eyes on the colors and shapes surrounding him, hoping to calm down. His chest felt full of dumb elation, and he struggled to say if the reason for it was his restored vision, or Yugo’s idiotically handsome face meeting him with the clear disapproval of a five-year-old suffering sugar withdrawal.
The dark brown floor, beige walls, and soft, golden light—everything was bland yet entrancing as if he were seeing those plain things for the first time in his life.
“What did the doc say?” Yugo followed him like a dark thundercloud. Kuon knew this wasn’t how he had imagined their visually paired reunion, but couldn’t help but run away before his chest blew up like an over-inflated balloon.
“Everything’s fine. The next appointment is in a week.”
“What now? Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Iron fingers dug into his biceps as Yugo forced him to turn around.
Their eyes met. A stupid, uncontrollable grin stretched Kuon’s lips as he studied the man through his vague, distorted vision. Even in this warm weather, Yugo wore a black suit and a crisp white shirt. His crimson tie drew Kuon’s gaze, and he couldn’t stifle a chuckle. “You haven’t changed at all.”
“Huh?” Yugo frowned and looked down at himself, but finding no fault in his appearance, pierced him with a long, warning stare. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” Kuon tried to keep his face straight, but it was slipping. For some reason, he found it funny that Yugo wasted so much money and effort on clothes that failed to make him look like a businessman. The high-quality materials and the impeccable cut from the best Italian tailors couldn’t burn the gangster look out of the Black Duke. “Nothing at all. I’m just glad to see you.”
