Page 35 of Doubts of the Egoist
“Well, you’re a sick fucker.” Kuon’s snort was devoid ofmirth. “No one else thinks that.”
Kuon held his breath as Yugo’s nail scraped across his belly.
“I already know the faces you make when you tremble with pain or pleasure.” Yugo breathed into his ear. “But they don’t. They wonder what’s so special about you if the Black Duke keeps you so close and paints your body with purple welts every night.” Yugo looked at him with lascivious eyes. “Is it your talented mouth? Your tight ass? That beautiful cock? The way you scream? They’d die to find out. What do you think they’d do to you in their fantasies after seeing you like this?” The corners of Kuon’s mouth dropped. His eyes locked with Yugo’s. “That’s right… They wonder exactly how I fucked you last night, and how much you loved every inch of my cock. They want to find out if they can make you scream even louder.”
Disgust contorted Kuon’sface as he remembered the burning look one of Yugo’s subordinates had given him, and how another had sneered and turned away. Yugo’s anger had contaminated him, inflamed his lungs, but it had been instantly redirected to its source. Kuon shook off Yugo’s grip and ducked away.
“I must be dreaming.” Kuon shook his head. Outraged and shocked, he struggled to find words to fend off the verbal assault. “Why the hell do you say that? I’m a man, a former cop, and a military officer. This is insulting and untrue. Don’t judge others by your standards.”
With an irritable hand, Yugo straightened his tie into a slim knot. “You are many things, but you forget that you belong to me. People always want what’s mine. So act appropriately.”
“Appropriately?” Kuon choked on the word, unable tobelieve he was being accused of indecency just for coming back from a hike shirtless. He already had trouble settling in, and Yugo just made things worse. Trying to hide his hurt feelings, Kuon glued a skeptical smile on his face, but his eyes refused to obey and kept glaring. “Here I thought, in your domain, your people were supposed to think whatever you tell them to. How come you have so little control over them?”
“Don’t be stupid. To them, you are just another cocksleeve unless you prove otherwise. I can shut their mouths in my presence, but that won’t stop them from gossiping behind your back. It won’t make them respectyou. They never will if you let people see you like this.”
“A cocksleeve?” Kuon snapped, unsure whether to laugh or break things. “Well, maybe they’re not too wrong? After all, here I am, listening to your insults instead of punching you.”
“I try to protect you…” Yugo snapped, fingers sinking into his hair.
“Protect me? So far, you’re the only one who constantly disrespects me and treats me like… how did you put it? A ‘third-rate whore after an orgy’. It doesn’t matter what I do. Your people will never respect me because you don’t. If you don’t want people to see your marks, stop leaving them.”
“Not happening.”
Kuon laughed out loud, feeling stupid.
“Well, I’m not going to prove anything to anyone, and I’m certainly not going to wear a turtleneck all the time to hide your damn marks. I will walk around as I see fit, whether you like it or not.”
He turned on his heel, intending to storm out.
“I’m not done.” Yugo’s commanding tone and the veiled threat in it made Kuon freeze. Yugo took a pause and an audible breath. When he spoke again, his voice was deep and calm. “Very soon, I’ll introduce you to my circle. Don’t make it harder for me by feeding them gossip. They will never respect you if they think you are just a bed warmer.”
Kuon’s anger cooled a few degrees, leaving a dismal sucking feeling in his guts.
“Wait, what?” Everything was happening too fast. He glanced around, searching for something familiar to anchor himself, but ended up staring right at Yugo. “Why do you want to introduce me?”
The man huffed and tilted his head, watching him with a question in his gunmetal eyes. “Why are you surprised?”
Afraid of making wrong assumptions or having false expectations, Kuon always avoided thinking about their future together. He wasn’t even sure if people like Yugo could have a future with someone like him. The thought that Yugo considered him permanent enough to make introductions appalled and made him hot and cold at once. He took a small step away.
“Kuon?”
“What for?” Kuon blinked as a chain of possible events unfolded in his imagination, leading to unpredictable, drastic outcomes.
Mio will be pissed, and Gray… he will not accept it.Both thoughts drove a severe headache through his skull. He remembered Gray’s confession that he had bribed Rudolph, one of Yugo’s business partners, two years ago to get Kuon out of captivity. If Yugo introduced Kuon to them, Gray would be the first to know. What would Gray do if he found out Kuon wassleeping with his enemy? Would he start a war or try to use him? What would Yugo do if he found out about Gray?It would be a disaster. Yugo would never trust me again. I have to tell him, but first, I must erase the recordings.Kuon lifted his chin as he looked into Yugo’s eyes. “I don’t see any reason why I should get to know them better. The fewer people who know about my existence, the better.”
Ice settled in the depths of Yugo’s eyes. “Isn’t it too late for that?”
When Kuon didn’t answer, Yugo grabbed a jacket from the chair and walked out, leaving behind the lingering scent of vanilla cigarettes.
“Damn… Why does it have to be so complicated?” Kuon sighed, wondering if his refusal had hurt Yugo’s feelings, but he couldn’t see any other way to get out of this mess. His hand slipped into his pocket to find the warm lump of clay.Anyway, I have to fix this, or there will be no future.
“Why the helldid it take you nineteen hours to find that out? Don’t we pay the customs officers enough?” Yugo growled as he entered his office. Though he hadn’t seen Greg yet, the overpowering smell of menthol aftershave in the room informed him of his presence. The bulky figure parted from the wall and followed Yugo to the desk.
Greg clasped his hands behind his back and squared his shoulders. “Mio left by car through Bulgaria, so we didn’t get an immediate notification. We only get information from there by special request.”
“By special request?” Yugo asked absent-mindedly whilethe genuinely surprised look on Kuon’s face lingered in his mind. It felt as though Kuon had never intended to be part of Yugo’s world beyond the bedroom. To be fair, Yugo had never given much thought to their future either. But he had no intention of letting Kuon go again, so introducing him to his business partners seemed inevitable, natural. Obviously, Kuon didn’t share his plans, which only deepened Yugo’s frustration.
He sank back into his chair, fingers drumming restlessly on the polished desk, veins pulsating with irritation. He glanced around and patted his pockets, longing for the familiar poison to fill his lungs and ease the tension gripping his heart. Finding no immediate distraction, he rummaged through the desk drawers. A brown cigarette pack crackled under his fingers, and he pulled out a cigarette, then lit it.
