Page 69 of Seth
Seth laywith his eyesopen. The pink hue on the black ceiling turned to orange, then yellow, before settling to cold white. Sleep eluded him as, instead of resting, he listened to the silence as if trying to detect Ignaz’s presence in the suddenly too big villa.
Sometime around ten, after his watch buzzed for the sixth time, the low creak of the door being pulled open in the distance made his heart slam against his ribcage. His ears strained, and soon he could make out the soft steps of bare feet approaching his door.
Did he come to say he’s leaving?The minute before the door opened stretched into eternity.Why is he wavering?
Seth closed his eyes, not sure why. He didn’t mean to pretend to be asleep. Still, he kept his eyelids shut. Maybe a part of him was too curious to see what Ignaz would do next, or perhaps, he didn’t want to see him fully dressed and ready to leave? Maybe both, Seth couldn’t say, and he didn’t want to analyze his behavior, not when Ignaz stood so close to him.
A soft rustle, a hesitant slap of bare feet against the wood, a shuddered breath, then silence.
“Seth…” A whisper so weak and irresolute, it sounded almost frightened. Seth turned his head and looked up. Standing before the bed, Ignaz crumpled the hem of his linen shirt. His chest rose and fell in a hastened breath, gaze cast downward. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”
Seth shook his head, rose on an elbow.
Ignaz lifted his chin and leveled Seth with a serious gaze. “I can’t warm up. And I don’t want to be alone. Do you mind if I sleep here, with you?”
Without a word, Seth lifted the duvet and moved aside to clear space next to him. Ignaz stepped forward. The mattress dipped under his weight as he kneeled on the corner. Putting one hand before the other, he settled on his side. The sliver of space between them felt like an unbounded gulf because their skin never touched. Unsure what to do, Seth lowered the duvet and tugged it over the slender shoulders. He didn’t attempt to get closer, yet he didn’t shuffle away either. His every hair rose in attention as his heart pounded in his chest.
He closed his eyes, ignoring the gaze full of wonder, then tensed as Ignaz’s head moved over his shoulder and the light hair brushed against his cheek. With his whole body, Ignaz pressed to his side, shivering. He sucked a breath in as his fingers dug into Seth’s ribs. “Ahh, you are so warm…
Painfully aware of every edge of the young body, Seth wrapped his arms around the slender back and tucked Ignaz closer to him.
“Sleep.”
* * *
Gustavo’s jawlockedas he watched Seth lift the duvet and let the boy into his bed. The fire of jealousy boiled in his blood, burning through his insides. He couldn’t believe how quickly Seth had forgotten their fight and the burned body, how easily he let Ignaz into his bed.
Maybe Diego is right? I searched for a deeper meaning in his murders, but he is just a cold-blooded psychopath on a hunt.
With an irritable hand, he lifted his laptop and threw it against the wall to stop himself from watching Seth any further.
Furious at himself, he returned to his bed and Hans’ embrace, but even there, thoughts about Seth haunted him. He couldn’t forget the look full of loneliness and the taste of his dry lips. The image of Narcissus he’d carelessly tagged to Seth once again surfaced in his mind, as in every move, every position of Seth’s head, he saw the perfection of a living statue. When his body ached from immobility, but sleep still refused to take him, he crawled out of the bed.
Once in his office, he grabbed a spare laptop and entered the DarkNet. He had a specific request in mind—one usual connections couldn’t fulfill. He’d harbored this request at the back of his mind for years.
* * *
Seth had never likedsharinghis bed. Entangled limbs, skin rubbing against skin, the softness of the other body, it’d always felt too intimate, unnecessarily intimate. Weak too, as if by allowing someone to watch him sleep, he showed them his weakness. But the hope revolted him the most. The hope to wake up and find that person by his side, languid and appeased after a long sleep. This silly, unnecessary feeling had always sparked in the depth of his chest, no matter how many times he had tried to extinguish it.
Right now, even without opening his eyes, he could tell he was alone in his bed.
He spent another moment hiding in the darkness of his shut eyelids, as if trying to postpone the meeting with the cruel reality. Seconds ticked; he unwillingly tore his eyelids open, fragments of his dream fading in the bright light streaming through the window. He automatically glanced to his left. The sight of crumpled, abandoned sheets confirmed his prediction. He tried not to let the disappointment into his soul, but the sour taste still filled his mouth. He wanted to spit it out as if by doing so, he could alleviate the heaviness from his chest.
He got up, shuffled to the bathroom, and took a quick shower. Avoiding looking at his still red eye he brushed his teeth, shaved, and then slipped into clean pants as if keeping his routine going could make him feel normal again, but the darkness in his chest thickened. His sleeve weighted with absorbed moisture coming from the wet bandage, reminding him of Ignaz and his light touch. He lifted his hand, and a wet white snake slapped against his elbow.
Lips thinning out, he tore the gauze off. Loop by loop, the bandage, unwrapping, revealed the maimed skin. He tossed the wet dressing into the garbage can and fled the room, escaping the memories of his night guest lingering in the folds of the crumpled sheets. He needed to change them to once again feel like this room belonged to him and him alone.
He rushed downstairs but halted in the doorway to the familiar image of Ignaz serving breakfast. The boy turned and gave him a shy smile, the smile Seth had learned to adore. The knot in his chest releasing, he leaned his shoulder against the door jamb and returned the smile. His darkness disappeared.
They sat in silence,Ignaz’s quick fingers fixing a fresh dressing over his burn. The view of his pink tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth filled Seth’s chest with blissful serenity. It brought to Ignaz’s face such an ingenuous expression that Seth once again wondered how such a pure, glowing with innocence person became the worst pain slut. He wished he could ask, but their relationship wasn’t this intimate, not yet anyway.
“Done.” Ignaz smiled, set the first aid box aside, and reached for the glass of orange juice.
With his interest in the boy growing, Seth asked, “Does it happen often?”
“Hm?” Glass clanging against teeth, Ignaz looked at Seth over the rim, eyes clouding with suspicion.
“You, staying outside all night.”
