Page 56 of Seth
Seth woke,pantingand disoriented. He didn’t instantly recognize the room, and the lack of gloves and blindfold messed with his senses. He rose on an elbow, and his gaze landed on the boy, sleeping next to him.
Light hair, gentle face, long eyelashes, plump lips, sharp chin—washed in the bluish moonlight, Ignaz looked like a fallen angel, pure and corrupt at once. A white feather stuck in his hair aggravated this resemblance.
Seth’s mouth dried up. He picked up Ignaz’s hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to the net of scars on his wrist. Without looking away, without blinking, he whispered, “You glow so brightly. How come I’ve never noticed it before? People before me must have tainted and hidden your light. But now, I see it clearer than ever.”
When the sunlight scattered through the leaves, waking up morning birds, Seth slipped off the bed and exited Ignaz’s bedroom. His chest tightened, but his mind was cold and clear.
He needed to make Ignaz stay, and for that, he needed to play by his rules.
* * *
Half an hour later,when Ignaz stumbled into the kitchen, Seth’s every nerve strained and rang with anticipation. He heard the quiet footfalls but didn’t turn around to meet the intent stare. With his palms pressed against the kitchen island, he looked outside at the shimmering foliage. The last session disturbed him, and now, after the dream, he became aware of Ignaz’s presence and couldn’t decide how to behave around him.
After enduring the torturous silence and intense gaze for another minute, Seth turned around to catch Ignaz staring. The boy looked away and mumbled, “Good morning.”
Seth approached. “Feeling raw?”
A shy nod splayed honey-blond hair over the clear forehead, filling Seth’s heart with a powerful urge to brush it away.
“Yesterday, you cried a lot,” Seth rustled. His hand flew up, and the back of his index finger hovered before Ignaz’s puffy eye. More than anything, he wanted to touch that swollen skin, to feel it pulse under his touch. Instead, he smiled and dropped his hand. He had already made too many mistakes with others that he couldn’t allow another failure, not when his time almost ran out.
He stepped back, giving Ignaz space, but every cell of his body demanded he wrap his arms around the slender shoulders and tug the boy into his embrace.
It was a game. An essential game to show his affection and respect for Ignaz’s space —to make him feel at ease and in control—to instill the awareness of Seth’s presence into his mind—to fill his heart with anticipation and desire for Seth’s touch.
Seth loathed this game. He never understood why he had to hold back when he could kiss Ignaz, take care of his needs, and lift his worries. But more than craving physical contact, Seth needed to know the answers to his questions. “What happened yesterday?”
Ignaz winced.
“You probably heard that I need more than most subs,” he confessed in a small voice, then hastened to explain, “You shouldn’t have stopped. I was fine. Sometimes I just want to pass out from the pain. That’s why I always get blacklisted, but I have everything under control.” He chuckled and shook his head. A simple gesture gushed rage up Seth’s throat. “Now you think I’m a freak and won’t play with me."
Instead of answering, Seth pointed to the kitchen counter abounding with paper bags. “Help yourself. I didn’t know what you wanted, so I ordered a bit of everything. I’ll be upstairs if you need something.”
“Aren’t you staying with me?” Ignaz’s face fell, Seth’s heart thundered, anger fading.
“I’m not hungry.” Seth didn’t lie; he wasn’t hungry, but then again, he’d never been. Usually, he ate because his watch told him to, but with his awareness of the boy rising, he doubted he could swallow a bite even if he stayed. “And I need to finish the draft.”
When Seth inched toward the door, hurried footsteps followed him. Hesitant fingers seized his forearm but instantly let go as if Seth’s skin burned them.
Seth turned, following Ignaz’s retreating hand with a surprised gaze. The touch felt nice. He wanted more.
“Sorry…” Ignaz’s chin dipped to his chest as he wrenched his hands.
“It’s fine to touch me if you want.” For the first time in ages Seth was grateful for having a low voice that never sounded desperate.
Ignaz’s shoulders relaxed a fraction; he managed a pleading smile. “Can I come with you then? This place is too big, and I don’t like eating alone.”
Seth stopped breathing. The desperation in Ignaz’s eyes resembled the need and longing he’d always craved to see in the eyes of his partners. His plan to keep a cold-headed, distant, and casual attitude went out of the window. “I’ll stay.”
Ignaz beamed, a shy smile touched his lips, slipped, then reappeared. “Would you eat with me, please? Please…”
As if entranced,Seth nodded. “Sure.”
Anything you want....
* * *
For the next two days,Seth barely left Ignaz’s side. The puppy-like adoration glowing in his eyes, annoyed Gustavo and made him regret wiring his house. He didn’t know what he expected to see, but not this irritating, selfless servitude.
