Page 120 of Seth
Ignaz huffed out a breath, scooped a handful of sand, and let it stream through his fingers. In the night, the bandages hanging down his wrists glowed like reflectors and resembled wings. “This almost looks romantic.”
Seth’s fingers twitched, hands dropped, and his head lowered. His reluctance grew by the minute. He shook his head, wanting to go back on his word, but Ignaz’s voice rang in his ears.“In my dreams, they rape me again and again, but now they don’t have eyes. They touch me with their dead hands, and all I feel is cold and numbness.”
Seth knew numbness all too well. A helpless growl rattled in his throat as he couldn't find a solution to this problem.
“Seth?” The shaky voice cut the night.
“Hmm?”
“I don’t want it to hurt. Can you make it painless?” Ignaz looked at his wrist and the loose bandage stained in blood. The red slashes reopened, and the light sand already clung to the wet skin. “I think that is the only thing that has been truly stopping me. I don’t want to go in pain. I want the pain to end. Funny, right?”
Seth didn’t smile. He wanted to rage, scream, and break things or walk away. Instead, he closed his eyes—powerless, defeated.
“I’ll never hurt you.” As if from afar, he watched himself reach to the toolbelt that lay nearby and pull out a sharp-angled, triangle profile bar. A lump formed in his throat when he threw one knee over Ignaz’s thighs and straddled him. Their eyes met, and Seth, for the millionth time, thought how beautiful, how perfect Ignaz was.
Too bad you want to leave me. Maybe you really aren’t the one. Maybe, I just wanted you to be.
His fingers caressed Ignaz’s face, snuck under his neck, and counted vertebras. He palpated five of them before positioning the triangle bar between the spine ridges. “I promise, you won’t feel a thing.”
He leaned in and covered Ignaz’s mouth with his own. A weak smile tickled his lips for a heartbeat before the boy replied to the kiss.
“I love you,” Seth confessed, hoping it would change something. His breath ricocheted against Ignaz’s sad smile.
“I know,” Ignaz mouthed. “Do it.”
Funny…For someone who had always wanted the truth, he wished Ignaz lied to him for once.I wish you were the one.
Seth kissed Ignaz again. His palms cupped the bony shoulders, and he pressed down with all the force he could muster. The low crack deafened him with the realization of the irreversible act he’d committed. A sharp exhale crashed against the back of his throat, and Ignaz’s gaze clouded. Seth’s heart constricted.
Did I do it wrong? No, please, don’t be in pain.He had never done it before and wasn’t even sure it would work properly. He drew back from the slackening lips to see Ignaz’s eyes search the sky. His shallow breath rolled under his pallid, clammy chest, beads of sweat glistening on his stomach.
“Funny.” A breath of amazement washed over Seth’s face. “I can’t feel my legs, my arms either. Seth, I can’t move. It really doesn’t hurt anymore.”
Splayed on the sand, Ignaz was so beautiful, so perfect. He wasn’t in pain anymore, and peace found its way into his features. Then why did Seth have such a hard time accepting it? Why couldn’t he just let Ignaz go? Ignaz was happy. He’d gotten what he wanted; nothing else mattered. He should be happy too. A new beginning waited for Ignaz. He swallowed the surge of saliva and tried to smile.
I’ll give you a new life, and you will be happy in it. I promise. I’ll give you a spine strong enough for you to withstand anything. Nothing will ever break you. And I’ll give you wings so you’ll never feel tethered. You will be free.
Seth swallowed against the lump at the back of his throat. His vision glitched when he picked up a straight razor and mouthed, “It’s okay, my love. You will never hurt again.”
He ran the blade down Ignaz’s arms, long trails beaded with maroon blood and colored the sand. Spreading along his torso, the scarlet stains resembled folded wings.
Too bad you aren’t the one.
Seth kissed his forehead. He gave Ignaz a reassuring nod as he lifted his head and pressed the razor to the nape of his neck. The blade sank into the skin cutting through the muscle layer, scraping the spine. He forced it down, slicing the skin alongside his spine.
Ignaz’s eyes flew open. A shadow of fear clouded his gaze. “Seth?”
“Shhh,” Seth leaned closer, their foreheads touching. “Don’t worry about anything. It won’t hurt. It’ll never hurt again. Trust me. Let go.”
Behind the dilated pupils, Ignaz’s soul lay naked, ready for his touch. Seth peered in, then froze. In the dead sea of Ignaz’s soul, there was almost nothing for him to scoop. He inched his fingers into the wound, fumbled over the ridges of his vertebrae, but no electricity answered his call.
Dread prickled Seth’s skin as he watched the pulse in the vein at Ignaz’s temple slow. His fingers soaked in blood, but he still couldn’t feel a single spark. Ignaz’s soul was as dead as his desert.How is it possible?How can someone this bright be so hollow? It must be a relief indeed.
“Seth.” Pale lips moved.
“What?”
“Thank you.” Ignaz’s gaze misted. He closed his eyes then smiled. A light impulse shot through Seth’s index finger, making him sink deeper. Energy filled his body as he finally connected with the soul, tying it to the spine. He leaned in and kissed Ignaz’s left eye, then the right one. Ignaz’s smile grew bigger. “I wish I met you sooner. If there’s another life, I wish we meet again.”
