Page 10 of Pursuing the Egoist
THE BLUE LIGHTof the moon filtered in through the curtains, silvering the edge of the bed. Noah was long asleep, but Yugo kept staring at the ceiling, wide-awake. His index finger tapped the bedsheet, counting seconds or his heartbeat, he couldn’t tell.
Thoughts about the white room invaded his head. He hadn’t entered it in two years, and now it called for him, tugging at invisible strings attached to his body.
The longer Yugo stayed in bed, the brighter the sparks of anger in his chest became. Part of him wanted to put a bullet in Greg’s knee for fucking with him, for meddling in his affairs. Another part burned with curiosity to see Kuon. Unable to stay put any longer, he removed Noah’s arm off himself, got up, and walked out of the bedroom.
His bare feet slapped against the carpet when he approached the room next to his and pushed it open. Unlocked, the door swayed, welcoming him with the silver moonlight playing on the white walls.
Yugo huffed out a laugh.Motherfucker, he didn’t lock the door. Maybe I really should have put a bullet in his knee.
Stepping in, Yugo turned the lights on, listening to the silence. So quiet, he could hear the night birds’ distant cries and the low wind playing with foliage.
The cold floor chilled his soles as he progressed into the room, dragging his fingers over the plaster. When the paint flaked off beneath his touch, he stalled, staring at the net of cracks.
A distant memory came to life in front of his eyes, as if from another life. Kuon, half-naked, punched the wall, a murderous expression written over his glistening face. Yugo remembered asking him what he was doing.
Knuckles bloody, Kuon had given a cocky reply.What did he say?
“Getting ready to smash your fucking face…” Yugo whispered. The memory morphed, concentrating on the kiss, tasting like metal, that followed the fight. The intoxicating smell of fear, humiliation, and arousal so vivid in the air, it set Yugo’s blood on fire.
Kuon was so much fun. I wonder if he’s changed.The memory brought a smile to his lips but also stirred something unpleasant in the pit of his stomach. Yugo turned away, breaking the contact of his fingers with the wall only to see the bedsheets lying crumpled on the mattress.
The itch to touch the linens prickled his fingertips.
Why do I think about him? So what if he has returned? What does it change? I could have found him in Afghanistan, if I wanted. I could have locked him up again.
His life was good, and during the last few months, he’d barely remembered Kuon’s existence. He was satisfied with his life and with Noah. Then why Tobias’ words had poisoned his blood and mind with curiosity? The more he tried to analyze himself, the more confused he became, as he couldn’t say if he wanted to make sure his ex-captive was fine or to find out that Kuon couldn’t move on without him.
He wanted to reach forward and touch the bedsheet when movement behind him dragged his attention to the door.
Coated in the electric light, Noah stepped in. It looked like his nudity didn’t bother him at all as he slid through the room, looking around. “What is this place? Who lived here, a dog?”
Yugo flinched from the searing heat of innocent words.
“No one. Go to bed.” Yugo grounded out.
Noah didn’t listen. His gaze flicked from the mattress to the black bars on the window, then to the cracked plaster on the wall. He reached to the cracks and ran his fingers over them. “Not lived. Was held.”
“Noah, I said go to sleep.”
“This place is a prison… A fucking nuthouse.”
“Noah!”
The boy flinched, pupils blown, alert. He stared at Yugo as if seeing him for the first time in his life. “What?”
“Go to bed. Now. We will talk tomorrow.”
Noah didn’t argue, but his gaze stayed on Yugo for a minute longer before he stumbled out of the room.
Fuck…Yugo turned to the bars, understanding perfectly well what kind of picture Noah drew in his head.
THE POPPING SOUNDpulled Yugo out of his sleep. In the gloom of his bedroom, flickering red light coming from the hearth licked the silk, goldish wallpaper. Low snaps and crackles reached his ears with the faint smell of burning wood. Yugo’s palm slapped the bedsheet next to him, expecting to find the warmth of another body. Cool and crumpled, the bed was empty. Propping himself on one elbow, Yugo looked around.
The only light in the bedroom streamed from the fireplace. Emitting dry heat, it enveloped Noah in a soft, orange glow. Sitting on his hip on the wolf pelt, the boy tucked one long leg beneath himself so his ass wouldn’t touch the floor; his other leg stretched over the fur. Clutching a square bottle of whiskey in one hand, he fingered the bare teeth of the wolf’s head.
Yugo didn’t need to ask how long Noah had been up as the bottle was half-empty. Grabbing a pack of smokes, he slipped off the bed, stole across the room, and lowered himself onto the wolf pelt next to Noah. The heated breath of the fire licked his naked chest when he stretched out a cigarette, lighting the tip against the open fire. Taking the first drag, he passed the cigarette to Noah.
Their fingers touched for a brief moment as the boy accepted the treat. In this stuffy dryness, his skin scalded Yugo with ice. Taking a greedy drag, Noah rolled his head and blew a string of smoke out of his lips.
