Page 2 of Obsession of the Egoist
Kuon frowned, feeling stupid, then croaked, sure he’d misheard. “What?”
“I said, what a fucking pity that Yugo didn’t put you down, you idiot!” Mio growled, leaned into Kuon; sharp fingers found the bandage and dug into the wound. Kuon hissed, watching red stain the pale fabric of his hospital gown.
“I’m sorry… too.” Kuon hissed, breathed through the pain. The realization that he hadn’t lied about wanting to die didn’t disturb him, but Mio’s words did.He hates me now…
Mio scowled, let go, and recoiled to the window so fast, only the faint smell of bread remained.
“It was a perfect plan. You’re a fucking detective, so tell me, what went wrong?” Mio demanded. Not waiting for a reply, he carried on, pushing cold, thought-through words out of his plump mouth. “I didn’t know you… I didn’t know what you could do once your back was against a wall. The risk was too high, so I gave you the unloaded gun, and you’re such a trusting idiot, you never bothered to check. No wonder Yugo caught you that easily. How were you even a cop? If I’d known that you’re this stupid, I would have loaded it for sure.” Kuon’s eyes followed Mio as he tried to focus on the voice, dripping with venom. He expected to feel a pang of betrayal, but nothing disturbed his vacuum, only the pulsing burn behind his eyes and the sour taste in his mouth. “But you… You fucking ruined everything! You were supposed to hate him! You were supposed to be aggressive! You should have provoked him! He would have realized that he could have lost me. Then he was supposed to kill you with his own hands to save me! Do you understand? He would be mine and mine alone! Why didn’t he put a bullet between your fucking eyes? Why?” Mio yelled, and a coughing spasm hit him, crushing his body.
A minute later, still shaking after the fit, with his face red and eyes glistening in the dark, he shuffled back to the bed, put his knees on the mattress, and straddled Kuon. Grasping the front of Kuon’s hospital gown, he yanked it toward him; the fabric stretched, then ripped.
“I’m sorry..?” Kuon offered, feeling no anger at all. More than that, looking into the huge azure eyes, stormy with distress, he felt sorry for this young man who craved Yugo’s attention to the point of committing murder. Kuon remembered the spikes of jealousy that had hit him the first time he saw Mio. How he’d believed that Yugo cared for this boy. Looking back, he realized that Mio was yet another victim of the Black Duke. How hurt Mio must have been, knowing that Yugo had been sleeping with someone else all this time. Kuon’s cheek flinched, as a mixture of guilt and regret darkened his thoughts.
Peering up at Mio, he said, “You should have mentioned it before. Do you want to try again?”
“Idiot! You fucking ruined everything! Everything!” Mio yelled, as his shaking fingers flew to his face, and child-like sobs broke out of his chest.
Kuon smiled. Reaching forward, he put his hand on top of Mio’s head, his fingers entwined with the locks of his flaxen hair.
“Come on… Yugo loves you. I saw how he looks at you. He might have fuck toys, like me, but he’ll always return to you. Isn’t that better?” Kuon didn’t know why he said this. The boy wanted him dead; he set him up, yet Kuon wasn’t mad. There was no point in getting mad. He would be dead or sold to the brothel soon enough to waste his emotions on things he couldn’t fix.
“Why didn’t he kill you?” Mio asked, wiping his wet face with his sleeve.
“Good question…” Kuon whispered and looked up, trying to find answers written on the ceiling. Remembering Yugo’s eyes, full of frost, he rejected the hope that the Black Duke avoided harming him. “Probably because you set the rules. You played him. He will not be manipulated so he refused to follow along. He wants to be the one who decides when and how I die. Don’t you know him, Mio?”
The door flew open. Kuon’s heart halted as liquid fear settled at the back of his head then streamed down his spine. Spreading the tension throughout his body, it chased away the vacuum. His vision focused on Yugo’s face, seeking any kind of emotion.
The man looked calm and well-rested. The moonlight reflecting off his skin sharpened his features. Yugo ran a hand through his hair, bringing attention to his white shirt that glowed with neon blue in the night, and his dark suit. His piercing gray eyes, never granting Kuon a glance, fixed on something in front of him. Kuon instinctively followed his gaze.
Fuck me…
Kuon’s hand, still caressing Mio’s flaxen hair, froze in the air, as he realized the image he presented right now. Mio sat on top of him with his knees on either side of Kuon’s hips and shaky fingers tangled in the front of his hospital gown. His face, puffy and red, wore fresh evidence of tears.
Kuon gulped, withdrawing his hand from Yugo’s lover.He will kill me for touching Mio…
“Get out,” Yugo rasped, and Mio flinched. His azure eyes widened, lips trembled.
“Y-Yugo…”
“I said, get the fuck out!” Yugo’s voice dropped to a sinister whisper, as he seared Mio with his inflamed gaze.
Fingers, trembling over his chest, returned Kuon’s attention to Mio. Plump lips quivered, and tears streamed down his cheeks. He released Kuon’s gown and hid his face in his tiny palms. Kuon wanted to pat his head to calm him.
“Mio, you can’t fool me. I know about the gun and your plan. Get out and wait for me in the car. My car. You lost all your privileges the moment you challenged me.”
Mio winced and rolled his eyes; his tears dried as if they had never been. He jumped off the bed and strolled toward the door, wiping the remains of the moisture off his face with his sleeve. Yugo smacked the back of his head with his palm before he threw a razor-sharp glance at Kuon.
“You preferred death to my bed and my embrace for the second time…” Yugo’s long fingers flew to his hair, and his ring glinted with the moonlight. Kuon’s heart dropped. He knew the next words would be ‘so be it’. He waited for them to fall from the man’s lips, but the pause stretched, agitating him even more.
Yugo sighed. His cheek flinched, indicating his inner conflict before he pushed the words out, “Once you heal, you’re free to leave. I have no need of you anymore. I don’t need to warn you about what happens if you talk, right?” Holding Kuon’s confused gaze, Yugo finished, “Good. Farewell, Kuon.”
Something snapped in Kuon’s chest as he watched the man turn and leave the room. The door shut behind his back. The night murmurs died out, and the haunting emptiness in his chest aggravated.
Is he for real?The words stuck in his throat. He wanted to call after Yugo, ask what he meant, but his lips stayed glued together refusing to open. The hospital room, so lively a moment ago, stood empty, cold, and too narrow to even breathe.
Did he just throw me away?He thought, watching the white ceiling.
‘Once you heal, you’re free to go. I have no need of you anymore.’Yugo’s words replayed in his mind. He couldn’t suppress the laughter. A sharp pain shot through his bleeding shoulder, but he didn’t care. Shaking and coughing, he had to grab the pillow to contain the emotions gushing out of him. Tears ran down his temples, and he hit the bouncy mattress with his fist a few times in an attempt to calm down.
